Went on the Scale, Went off Food
Well, I've been avoiding it for the last few weeks, dare I say months. I would look at it and say "I don't need you! You don't control me! Now where are my elastic pants?" That damn scale has been wedged under the bathroom sink and collecting dust. I've been avoiding buttoned pants and tight shirts and been lying to myself. I've been stress eating and snacking and pretty much been subscribing to chocolate and bagel chips in lieu of therapy. By avoiding the scale, I could avoid reality. But enough was enough and this morning I went on the scale and sweet mother moley, I can't believe how much I have gained. I'm not panicked, I'm not mental, I am surprisingly calm. I needed a kick in the groin and I got it. And now it is time for some good and clean eating. No more bread or potatoes or sugar for a while. More veg, protein and movement. It is time.
Yeah, yeah, it's the holiday season, but you know what? The holiday truly isn't only about food. It's about me getting presents. I also like a challenge. I will be so uber strict with myself until the 24th. Then for the 25th and 26th, I'll eat crap and then back to clean eating on the 27th. I keep saying that I am going to be super healthy and then I accidentally fall into a bag of Bugles (social menace, those bastards!). But actually seeing a number this morning was what I needed.
I know why I gained so much; stress about my contract, stress about the Kid, stress about life, but the thing is, there will always be something stressing me out (side eye to all things Kardashian. Your love story is not like Romeo and Juliet! Kim is not 13 and a virgin. Read the play, Kanye!) so maybe I need to just learn to control me and my weight and let the universe do what it needs to do. I think I would much rather be thin and stressed than fat and stressed. At least then I could wear some of my currently too small fabulous clothes and say "Eff you stress!" and shake my soon to be thin fist at the heavens. So yeah, let's do this.
One of my new year's resolutions is to maybe start seeing somebody. Not a new man, but a therapist. I feel fine but I feel like I take on so much stress and I expect too much from myself that I will end up on a one way track to a Jessie Spano breakdown a la Saved by the Bell. No bueno. There is no shame in seeing someone to talk to even though I feel like a failure doing it. I kind of like the idea of someone objective to listen to me bitch. The problem is, is that I am so damn likeable that this person will want to be my friend and then I'll have to find somebody new. #Funpersonproblems. I have this internal battle about seeing someone; physician heal thyself (I like to think of myself as a life coach to anybody who will listen to me #personalillusionsofgrandeur). I think I also struggle with this because I actually am happy for the most part. JUST A LITTLE HIGH STRUNG RECENTLY!
So this Sunday has been quite an eye opener. In a couple of hours we are heading to a kindergarten to check it out. I'm a ball of nerves because I want it to be fantastic and I want the Kid to love it. I think this will be a good change if we make the change but I have to remember that the Kid has two parents and the Husband has a say too; totally sucks.
So stay tuned for the review! Fingers crossed it is awesome!
Yeah, yeah, it's the holiday season, but you know what? The holiday truly isn't only about food. It's about me getting presents. I also like a challenge. I will be so uber strict with myself until the 24th. Then for the 25th and 26th, I'll eat crap and then back to clean eating on the 27th. I keep saying that I am going to be super healthy and then I accidentally fall into a bag of Bugles (social menace, those bastards!). But actually seeing a number this morning was what I needed.
I know why I gained so much; stress about my contract, stress about the Kid, stress about life, but the thing is, there will always be something stressing me out (side eye to all things Kardashian. Your love story is not like Romeo and Juliet! Kim is not 13 and a virgin. Read the play, Kanye!) so maybe I need to just learn to control me and my weight and let the universe do what it needs to do. I think I would much rather be thin and stressed than fat and stressed. At least then I could wear some of my currently too small fabulous clothes and say "Eff you stress!" and shake my soon to be thin fist at the heavens. So yeah, let's do this.
One of my new year's resolutions is to maybe start seeing somebody. Not a new man, but a therapist. I feel fine but I feel like I take on so much stress and I expect too much from myself that I will end up on a one way track to a Jessie Spano breakdown a la Saved by the Bell. No bueno. There is no shame in seeing someone to talk to even though I feel like a failure doing it. I kind of like the idea of someone objective to listen to me bitch. The problem is, is that I am so damn likeable that this person will want to be my friend and then I'll have to find somebody new. #Funpersonproblems. I have this internal battle about seeing someone; physician heal thyself (I like to think of myself as a life coach to anybody who will listen to me #personalillusionsofgrandeur). I think I also struggle with this because I actually am happy for the most part. JUST A LITTLE HIGH STRUNG RECENTLY!
So this Sunday has been quite an eye opener. In a couple of hours we are heading to a kindergarten to check it out. I'm a ball of nerves because I want it to be fantastic and I want the Kid to love it. I think this will be a good change if we make the change but I have to remember that the Kid has two parents and the Husband has a say too; totally sucks.
So stay tuned for the review! Fingers crossed it is awesome!
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