Sunday, 28 August 2016

An Epic Bday Party

Wellity wellity wellity. I am feeling a tad delicate today but I am surviving. Last night I went to a friend's birthday party and it was AMAZING! The theme was "1971" and I had no idea where to find a vintage style dress. Luckily, as I was online shopping for the Kid, I spied a 9 euro dress from H&M and decided to break my no shopping ban. It's a stretchy off the shoulder red mini dress with bell sleeves and I kind of really love it. I wore a bandeau bra but really, NASA needs to get on it and make a strapless bra that doesn't feel like it is slowly squeezing you to death like a python. Since it was a 70s theme, I knew I had to make one with the blue eye shadow and eyeliner and of course, put my hair up in a bizarre coif. The result is below.

Why yes, I do look like a lady of the night. Or maybe the lady of the early bird special and Bingo. The party was kicking off at 5 at the Ritz Carlton roof top bar. I realized when I was en route that I was going to be early (BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS EARLY!) and wrote on the party page "I am going to be about 15 minutes early so someone please be there because I look like a prostitute!" and one friend responded with "Well, then, a rich Russian might buy you are drink." and I responded with "No, he will just tell me I am blocking the view." I walked into the Ritz Carlton and tried to look not like a hooker and went straight to the elevators to take me to the roof top bar. I felt incredibly awkward in my get up and I walked up to the guy at the desk and said with fake confidence "Yes, hello. Reservation for G.G." and he looked at the reservation list and said "No. I am sorry. There is no reservation in that name." and I wanted to die a little so then I said "It's a reservation for about 15 people." and he said "No. Sorry." and I was on the verge of throwing myself off the roof top terrace. I then said in panic "I'm here for a theme party! THAT'S WHY I LOOK LIKE A HOOKER! AHAHAHAH" and laughed maniacally. Poor guy looked at me and was like "I see. I mean no. I mean.." he was obviously torn between complimenting me on my look but not calling a guest a tramp whore. I finally said "Ok, I am just going to call my friend and figure this out." So I called her and she told me she hadn't reserved because there is a "minimum drink" thingy and I thanked her and hung up and said to the guy "My now ex-friend didn't make a reservation. May I take that table over there?" and I tried to walk with as much dignity as I could past the Polo shirt clad guests. I ordered a glass of Chateau blah blah and waited for the others. Luckily only a few minutes passed and suddenly we had to try and convince them to put three tables together to accommodate all of us. I turned to one of my Canadian friends and said to him "Hey. Let's be Canadian and avoid conflict and go stand at one of the high tables over there." Luckily everyone got a seat and we drank and talked for an hour and then it was time to head to our next stop.

As we exited the Ritz Carlton, a group of very rich tourists piled out of a van carrying many many bags from Primark. The juxtaposition made me laugh and I gave them all a mental high five. We walked on the Ring to our next stop, a group of giddy adults, ready for dinner and hopefully slightly cheaper drinks. We showed up at the Hotel Trieste on Wiedner Hauptstrasse and loudly entered the hotel lobby. We made our way to the gorgeous restaurant courtyard (restaurant COLLIO, not COOLIO which I originally thought was the name and I was a little disappointed when I found out I was wrong) where a long table was set beautifully. I said "This is like a magazine photo shoot! This is like something out of Pinterest!" We took our seats, had some pink champagne and see, it looked just like a magazine photo shoot!

It was a set menu and we started off with a caprese salad which was actually pretty spectacular! At our end of the table we spied a couple tucked away in the corner. The woman was mostly plastic and I thought she looked pretty amazing. Her gentleman friend looked... kind. We came to the consensus that she might have been a mail order bride. We are assholes. At one point she went to the bathroom and one male friend said "Who even finds that attractive?! Would you ever do that?" he asked me. And without pause I answered "If I had enough money then yes!" And then I said "And that is the type of woman my husband will most likely leave me for." and he said "But she probably can't even string a sentence together." and I said "That's probably her selling point!" I moved onto red wine and soon it was time for our next course which was grilled meat. SO MUCH GRILLED MEAT! They placed sides on the table: roasted potato wedges, grilled eggplant and zucchini, baked polenta and incredibly bright sauces that we couldn't stop commenting on. I don't know what was in the food but were were all incredibly giddy and I said "This is perfect! Why, this is just a PERFECT NIGHT! WHAT A WAY TO END SUMMER! PERFECT!" Our waiter was also completely on fire and we all commented on his ability to notice just when we were about to finish a drink. I blame this man for my slight hangover today. But I salute his skill.

After dinner we had some more drinks and I continued to say "This is perfect! Why, this is just a PERFECT NIGHT! WHAT A WAY TO END SUMMER! PERFECT!" Around 10:30, the bill was paid and we all made our way to the Ubahn station to make our way to the Karaoke bar Lemmon by Schwedenplatz. I'm not much of a singer (I make angels cry... in pain) but I like this Karaoke bar because there is no stage and you can literally sit at the bar and sing and nobody judges you. As we waited for the Ubahn, a large bachelor party walked by. The poor groom was dressed as a bottle of Budweiser. I thought he was dressed up as a hot dog. Oh well. He had a basket filled with mini bottles of schnapps and he was charging a euro a bottle. Not bad! Drinks for only 10 of my friends, please! We exited at Schwedenplatz and half the group stopped for ice cream and the other half looked for a bank machine. We regrouped and luckily were able to find space in the very packed bar. And look at that, there was a bachelorette party! Actually, there seemed to be two but I didn't care because I got a seat at the bar and my spritzer in record time. People sang, we sang along, there were a lot of moody songs and we made fun of those songs. At one point one friend sang a Garth Brooks song and I stood in front of him and quasi directed him. I am not sure what I was doing but at the end he was like "I felt like I had a coach" and I said "You are welcome!"

By 1 a.m., I knew it was time to head home and take off my outfit of shame. I grabbed a taxi with a friend and by 1:30 a.m., I was in bed and listening to the students upstairs throw a rave. It was an epic night and I feel like it was a great send off to summer. Thanks G.G. for the amazing party and happy birthday! Hope you like the karaoke machine! Heh. We are all coming over soon and this time I will sing. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe some Taylor Swift. And as I end this post, I want to wish you all a fantastic Sunday. I need to now watch the end of Formula One. Kimi sounds pissed! I will spend the rest of the day with the Kid and to stop him from eating everything I try to eat (I am excited about this development. But I am also hungry). In the evening I will watch Pretty Little Liars and start on my voodoo doll. Speaking of Halloweeny stuff, yesterday I broke out the fog machine because I wanted to test out the Youtube tutorial about making your fog stay on the ground. I got a little too excited and suddenly the whole apartment looked like a scene from Backdraft.

The Husband was not amused. Every year, around this time, I start doing stupid shit. Like the one time I stained the tub when I tried to dye fabric. Or the time I flushed meat balls down the toilet. The Husband sees his quite capable and independent wife turn into a toddler. Good times! So, once again, Happy Sunday!

Friday, 26 August 2016

Hello Weekend!

Hello Friday evening! Just cooking some dinner and waiting for the Kid to be brought back home from the In Laws. I just came back from visiting a dear friend and her family. I drank her wine and we caught up and FUN! The Husband and I survived the Kid's unplanned week off and as of Monday, back to normal! The good news is we finally got a normal night's sleep last night. Sure, he somehow ended up in our bed but if I don't wake up from him kicking or screaming, I don't care. The exciting news that I posted about last night on FB, the Kid loves BACON! I made myself some slices and when I turned my back, the bugger had taken a piece and ate it. And I was so incredibly proud because for a child with autism to attempt to eat something new is HUGE! And then I was sad because he wanted all my bacon. The sacrifices we make. He seems to be experimenting more and more with food and that is exciting. Just on Wednesday night he had some of my pizza crust (this is normal for him) but when I walked into his room, I thought he had bled out but instead had stolen a whole piece of pizza from the fridge. After I woke up from the initial terror, I high fived him.

I took Thursday morning off of work so that I could bring the Kid to therapy. He was a riot and even though he can't speak, he makes me laugh. Our therapist is going on maternity leave and we are starting a new programme in September with our fabulous psychology student and two ABA therapists. I cannot wait to get started and might I add that the Kid has re-learned the word "NEIN" and oh wow how he uses it ALL THE TIME! It's like living with a three foot tall Emo. "Raphael. Go back to your bed." "NEIN!" "Raphael. Time to turn off the cartoons." "NEIN!" We went through this stage 3 years ago and now it is back. Meh, at least he has one word back.

So in other news, I continue on with the Halloween party planning. Yes, I know it is August but I love Halloween and the planning is everything to me. I like summer, but Fall is when I am most energetic and full of spunk (and in retrospect, that sentence sounds incredibly dirty). Cooler days and the smell of wood smoke is what a pumpkin spice latte is to basic girls. Actually, I am pretty basic because I do like an old pumpkin spice latte once in a while. I am trying to figure out my Halloween costume and I hate how I always just end up throwing something on an hour before the party starts and being like "Rawr, I'm dead!" So the planning starts now and I will have to start buying fabric pronto. I am also making a large voodoo doll pillow because FUN! On Wednesday night I watched a little of the TV show Sleepy Hollow and what I would like to know is how that Horseman sees without a head. He is very good at depth perception and severing heads so there must be eyes somewhere? This bothers me. I want to know the truth!

On Saturday I am going to a friend's birthday party. It is a 1971 theme and I have a dress that I will wear for it. I just have to figure out my hair and put on blue eye shadow. The first part of the party is at the Ritz Carlton on the rooftop terrace and dressed the way I am, they will probably stop me in the lobby and be all like "I am sorry. No chubby prostitutes allowed." After drinks we are heading to another hotel for dinner and I am very much looking forward to the whole party and for all the side eye we will be getting. There are just a few days left in August and I need to finish up some things before the real madness starts. September is going to be pretty crazy: already have planned another therapy networking evening for Autism in Vienna as well as a seminar on ABA therapy. She works hard for NO money so you better treat her right. Ha. I am also celebrating the over 800 Autism in Vienna page likes. It's amazing to see so many people engaged on the page and hopefully in a couple of weeks I will have a website and a logo and an actual registered company. Gah! It's time for me to slowly end this post. I have done no running this week because I have a bit of a health scare happening that I am overthinking and yet ignoring at the same time. If it does not go away soon, I will be going to the doctor and then getting some blood work done. Stupid body and its stupid need for attention. I wish you all a fantastic weekend and stay tuned for a post about the 1971 party and most likely pictures that will be highly filtered that I will post on Instagram! Happy Friday!

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

A Busy Couple Of Days

Hello Wednesday evening! You are just what I need! The Husband is out, the Kid is going to bed soon (and will be coming out of his room every blasted minute) and I am about to watch some TV and give myself a face mask. It has been a hectic few days and I very much need these next few evenings of rest and relaxation: mixed in with a little work on the side. On Monday afternoon I met my friend D.K. for an early dinner and drinks at Pickwicks. We had a couple of hours to kill before heading to the movie theater. Yes, I went to see Ghostbusters again... I might need an intervention. The film is so great. I love it so much that even yesterday I was looking up action figures from Amazon. I have never fangirled before but I am dangerously close to entering that territory. Had this film come out when I was a kid, I would have lost my ever loving mind and probably would have convinced myself that I was a natural-born scientist. I'm not. I am not good with stuff like that: chemistry, physics, biology, rational thinking and facts.. etc. I remember watching Back to the Future when I was a kid and the very next day, I created a miniature scene of the clock tower and the De Lorean. I was so proud and somehow believed I knew how electricity worked and made an 80s hunk time travel. I excitedly called my parents into my room to show them my CREATION and DISCOVERY and they just smiled and patted my head... probably thinking "Well, at least she is kind."

So, yes, I really did see Ghostbusters twice in theaters and I don't regret it. I DO NOT! When I got home from the film late on Monday night, I found the Kid wide awake, sitting on our bed. I told the Kid he had to go back to his bed and he ignored me. So I picked him up and he purposely played dead by going completely limp. I placed him on the ground and then dragged him by the feet to his room as he just limply laid there. Oh how fun parenting is! I hauled him into his bed and then walked out. 5 minutes later he was back in our bed. At one point I said "Ok, kiddo. We are going to go sleep on the sofas in the living room and you can have this whole bed to yourself." and assumed he would cry and immediately follow us. The Husband, half asleep croaked "Why do I have to get up?" and I responded with "You just do!"and so the Husband and I went into the living room to lie down on the sofas and waited... and waited.. and then I started to worry that maybe the bugger finally got what he really wanted - a Queen-sized bed all to himself. But a couple minutes later he came out and tried to crawl onto the sofa with me. I said "No" and my heart ached. He just sat down on the floor beside the sofa. He then got up and tried to snuggle with the Husband on the other sofa and we both felt like complete assholes. I finally said "Fiiiiiinnnee!! The next few nights you can sleep with us but as of the weekend, when I don't need to sleep, you are back in your own damn bed!" So, yes, we are screwed. He was doing so well sleeping but the summer has thrown him off. I think we will be buying a new bed for him this weekend and we hope for the best... Ugghhh. Moving on.

Yesterday after work I had a meeting with an expert. He knows all things about Vienna and I needed some more advice about setting up the center. He gave me some great information and advice and it was uplifting to know that it shouldn't be too difficult to get set up... on paper. When I talked about donors and companies giving me the monies, he mentioned a company that sells products that I just don't agree with (Crocs. I joke. Maybe I don't.) and I responded with "I don't know if morally I would be ok with them as sponsors". And he responded with a quote that I had never heard  before and it makes me snort: "Geld Stinkt Nicht" or "Money doesn't stink". What this infers is that money is money regardless what the source is. In a way, that is kind of true but again, there will be some places that I might think twice about accepting money from. Looking at you company that made those stupid butterfly electric pulse things that were supposed to give you rock hard abs but ended up sending little sparks of electricity instead and you swore it smelled like a bbq under your t-shirt after a 5 minute session of electroshock therapy. I like that I am already refusing imaginary money over other imaginary money. Over the weekend I have some research to do and then sometime next week, Verein applying time! OH MY GOD! HOW TERRIFYING! Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

After the meeting, I headed to the Beaver Brewing Company and met a friend. We decided to meet an hour before a going away party we were attending so that we could catch up. We had a great quick talk and then at 7, moved inside for the partay. It was great to see friends I hadn't seen for a while and I met someone I went to school with but I didn't remember going to school with him. I didn't feel bad because he didn't remember going to school with me either. I think I said something like "Yeah, I didn't have boobs back then so that explains it." Keep it classy, Tova. Turns out he works in the field of autism so that was pretty great. He had worked in another field before and said he missed it but realized he needed to make a change. I responded with "Oh, I totally know what you mean..when I used to be a Victoria's Secret Model..." and then he burst out laughing and I was like "Hey now..." I was able to catch up with some friends, meet two dogs that I am absolutely in love with now, drink some great beer and say good bye to a friend who is sadly leaving Vienna. Around 10:45 I caught a cab and thought my feet were going to detach from my body after 16 hours straight of wedged heel wearing. No bueno. Of course the Kid was in our bed, happily snoring, when I got home. A couple more nights, Kiddo and then...

Oh, and by the way, the Kid is off from Kindergarten this week. I had told the Husband to book next week off (back in May) but he accidentally told the Kindergarten that the Kid would be off this week. The law in Austria at public kindergartens is that kids need at least 4 weeks off a year... you know, to holiday on the Riviera or ski in the Alps. Imagine my surprise when I brought the Kid to kindergarten on Monday morning when I found out that he was not supposed to be at Kindergarten this week! His shoes were off, he was running around like an over-excited baby goat and then one provider approached me as I was heading out the door and was like "Yeah, he's not supposed to be here." and I was like "Nuh uh. Next week!" and she whipped out the clipboard and there in pen was the Husband's signature. Yup. Wrong week. I took a deep breath and said "Let me just make a quick phone call." The Husband was still at home and was able to take the morning off and watch the Kid and I headed to work... not happy. Of course I felt like the absentee Park Avenue mom that the daycare probably judges on a daily basis. "She didn't even know when her kid was signed off! What kind of mother is she?!?!" Ugh. Luckily the Mother in Law and the Nanny have been helping out so in fact, things have worked out. But next time I am in charge of signing the paper on the clipboard.

And one last note before I end this post. I received an e-mail the other day from Amnesty International. For some strange reason I am on their mailing list and that's cool and all. But I must learn how to read better because I received an e-mail and I thought the title of it read "A fresh treat" and I stared at that for a good minute trying to figure out what the Hell this e-mail was going to be about! Did Amnesty International start a donut shop? A fresh treat? Human trafficking cookies with sprinkles?! Prison torture brownies?! What?!? And then I read it one more time and realized it said "A fresh THREAT." Oooohhhhh. That makes more sense. Back in college I joined the Amnesty International club thinking I would do some good. I showed up at the first meeting and bunch of people wearing a lot of patchouli and cable knit sat around a table. The "leader" of the group introduced herself and we went around the table and introduced ourselves. I might have been a little too bubbly because a lot of these very pale vegetarians gave me the stink eye when I announced that I had lived in Russia "but I didn't see any human right violations because I was busy dancing on the bars and getting free beers because I was a diplobrat ahahahaha!" After we went around the table, the leader said "I hope you all realized that this group is not involved with any first-hand work in the field. We are stronger doing petitions and demonstrations here in Toronto. If you thought we would be jumping out of helicopters in developing countries and saving people, you are in the wrong place." I stood up and apologized and exited. I'm not proud. I was 18 and ready to jump (gingerly step out of) out of helicopters and get interviewed by Amanpour while wearing a helmet, looking adorable. Maybe I should make a donation... Anyway, I hope you all have a fabulous Wednesday! Toodles!

Sunday, 21 August 2016

A Fantastic Weekend in the Country and Now Back to Real Life

Sup? Sup? I am back in Vienna after a great 48 hours. The Husband is en route to pick up the Kid from the in-laws and I cannot wait to see him. Apparently he slept perfectly the last two nights which probably means he respects and fears my mother in law more than me. Fantastic. Fingers crossed that he got his freak outs out of his system and is ready for some smothering from his mother. Yay! Can't wait! The trip was great in that while it was relaxing, it was also a very different weekend away. Usually our mini breaks involve a whole lot of lying in bed and watching Knight rider (and there is nothing wrong with that) but this time, we actually got sporty and shit.

On Friday, midday, I met the Husband at the train station and we had a quick and classy lunch at McDonalds because yes. We boarded a train just before one and made our way to Wiener Neustadt. Now, I have no clue about the history of Wiener Neustadt so I am just going to assume that Vienna was ruled by two competing twin brothers; Gustav and Karl. Karl was two minutes older and kind of a dick, so Gustav said "Fine! I am going to start my own damn city and I am going to call it.. um... how about Wiener Neustadt!" And Karl was all like "Whatever, bro." and that's the history of Wiener Neustadt. Yes. We arrived in Wiener Neustadt and had approximately 3 minutes to get to the next train and we ran like almost middle aged people and I cursed myself for not wearing a sports bra. We jumped onto the "Wiesel" (which is weasel in English) train which I assume was named after Karl and Gustav's shady and mealy mouthed younger step brother. We arrived 35 minutes later in a picturesque town called Puchberg am Schneeberg. It just rolls off your tongue!

We rolled up to the hotel and the front was that typical Alpine dark wood pretty pretty type of lodge and attached to the back of it was a, brace yourselves for a technical architecture term, big ass modern building. We checked in and I was over the moon that we were staying in the original part of the hotel. Our balcony looked out over the town and we could just see the base of the mountain because clouds don't understand brochure language that says "Mountain view". We watched a few minutes of TV, put on our running shoes and headed out into the village (which took approximately 45 minutes to see). There was a pretty ruin at the top of a hill which had a school attach to it. In this square there was a Kindergarten, an elementary and middle school as well as a high school, church, and a cemetery in the back. Small town life circle right there. I started to hyper ventilate a little. We headed back to the hotel after a drink in the lovely park and watched some Olympic coverage and then went to dinner. It was buffet style and I had a plate of beige carb goodness; Schnitzel, knoedel, eierschwammerl, butter spaetzle. Nom. After dinner we walked around a little and then headed upstairs to watch The Mentalist and I passed out by 9:30. The next morning I woke up around 7 and stepped onto the balcony and BOOM there, rather, thar she was; the Mountain. The clouds had cleared and it was a magnificent sight. I decided to go for a run because I don't know who I am anymore. I came back, took a shower and then we went for breakfast. The Husband suggested we rent bicycles and take a little tour and I asked him if he had hit his head while I was out for a run.

We went to the reception and he asked for "the smallest bike you have" and we were brought to the basement to check out their mountain bikes. I chose the one that look less likely to give me tetanus or attitude. We practiced a couple of rounds around the parking lot and I felt fairly confident I was going to die. We decided to check out a waterfall and took a lovely ride past rolling hills and country houses. It was like a century hadn't touched the landscape save for the couple of motorized roomba-like lawnmowers we spied... and all the Audis and BMW's that flew by us as I gripped my handlebars in fear. At one point I broke out into "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE... WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC! LALALALALALAAAAAA!" and the Husband sped up but couldn't lose my tail. Heh. About 45 minutes we reached a road that led up through a forest and we jumped off our bikes and pushed them up the very steep trail. We biked a little through the forest trail at the top and stumbled upon a lovely little waterfall. After a 20 minute break of me dry heaving and sucking down a liter of water, we hopped back on our bikes and biked around the idyllic countryside. It was a lovely 2 hour tour and I said good bye to my now favourite bike and got changed for our visit to the Schneeberg. There is a famous train called the Salamander... named after those animals that are adorable on holiday but terrifying if found in your home. We jumped onto the packed train and enjoyed a 40 minute climb. We arrived and I won't lie, it was kind of terrifying to be so high up but it was GORGEOUS. We decided to do a hike up to the cross at the top of the mountain and we were pretty much the only assholes not wearing hiking boots. We made it to the cross and the Husband took a picture of me looking hefty and top heavy. I wouldn't have posted the picture but I needed proof that I did not spend the whole day in the hotel room, watching Law and Order. We ate a picnic lunch and I kept saying "THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!" or "FRANZL! SISSI!!" I'm amazed the Husband didn't try to push me off a cliff.

We finished lunch and walked a little bit more and finished up our hike with a beer at the main gasthaus, overlooking the valley and feeling incredibly smug. Probably shouldn't have felt too smug seeing that 3 years olds were kicking my ass on that mountain. Austrians are wired to be hikers. They can smoke 2 packs a day, be functioning alcoholics and not move for 3 days, but put them on a mountain? They suddenly turn into Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger. Our train left at 4:45 and we bid farewell to the lovely Schneeberg. We took showers and then got changed and headed to our "candle light" dinner. We decided to sit on the hotel terrace because a) it was gorgeous out and b) Harry's One Man Band on the synthesizer was going to make me hurt somebody. We had a fantastic 5 course meal and I had wine and it was just a really lovely evening of peace and quiet. After dinner the Husband went to the pool and I sat on the balcony, reading a book and having a glass of wine and it was perfect. Falling asleep took approximately 20 seconds due to all the physical exhaustion and this is probably why sporty people are happy: they sleep well. Oh, and they are probably smug, too. This morning I was woken up by torrential rain around 5:00 a.m. I kicked the Husband awake and said "Look, rain!" He appreciated my thoughtfulness. We dozed on and off and then decided to have an early breakfast and then head back to the room to sleep. We are wild, I tell you! We had originally planned on taking another bike ride but the rain wouldn't let up and I am not one to tempt fate. We caught the train around 11:30 back to Vienna. It was a great trip and it was great to rest and just enjoy a little silence. Now I will finish up the laundry and get ready for the Kid to come crashing in and probably ignore me... his way of punishing me for taking a break from serving his majesty. I wish you all a fantastic Sunday and hope you all remember a few of your favourite things!!! Dammit! I can't stop!

Friday, 19 August 2016

A Weekend Away Ahead and Dis and Dat

This afternoon the Husband and I are going away for the weekend. It has been over a year since we have done a trip sans child and I am very much looking forward to rekindling our love for silence and watching whatever the hell we want to watch. No Paw Patrol! No Blaze! No dumb ass Dora and her stupid ass monkey, Boots! Huzzah! We are catching a train and heading to Puchberg am Schneeberg: a mountain region just 80 kilometers from Vienna. It has been a while since I have seen the mountains and I cannot wait! While the sea is my lover, the mountains are my coffee shop flirts. It has been a long time since I have seen them and I cannot wait to breathe in that mountain air. And yes, I am bringing sensible shoes with me... unlike the time I brought heels to go camping. We should arrive around 3 in the afternoon and the first thing I do when I get into a hotel room is turn on the TV. I like to know what my options are.

The weekend deal includes breakfast and dinner. I kind of hate it when the breakfast is included because I will go into a panic if I miss it. This Jew ain't missing a free meal. The Husband gets incredibly grumpy because I will be fully clothed by 7, sitting in a chair, staring silently to make him get up. Sometimes I have gone alone but there are very few things that terrify me more than going up to a buffet by myself. Don't ask why. I just don't like it. I hope we get some tennis in, some walking and some good old fashioned TV watching. We both really really really need the break after the shiteous past week and thank goodness the Mother in Law is willing to babysit. This will be my last relaxing weekend before I go, excuse my French, balls to the wall next week. I am setting up the Verein sometime in the next week or two, finalizing and translating the business plan and then it is time to send off the proposals asking for the monies.

I mentioned on Tuesday that I had an awkward meeting but also something amazing happened during all of the awkwardness. Sometimes there are just those moments in your life when you suddenly realize that one single conversation will lead to something so absolutely amazing and your life is about to change forever. I had had a rough week and that fateful meeting kicked me out of my misery. I don't often get the blues and definitely not for as long as I did last week. I was feeling a lot of Weltschmerz and actually, funny enough, felt incredibly lonely. I have great friends and family but I don't always verbalize that sometimes I just need a hug and a pat on the head. But why am I expecting other people to read my mind? I think that sometimes people read into me contacting them more than it actually is, I really just like hanging out with people who make me laugh..my closest friends know this about me and accept me for who I am (and I thank you my lovelies for that!). The men and women that I am close with are incredibly protective of me (I am sensitive) and I need to remind myself of that and if somebody doesn't like me... tough titties... because I am fabulous (kind of). My advice to my older sister when she started a new school (she was 12 and I was 5) was to just follow people around until they talk to you. Wise words younger me. But this doesn't always work in the adult world. There are these things called restraining orders. Heh. Anyway, apologies to anybody who felt I was "virtually" following them around...and I am not talking about the stalking I do on the side- those people don't know me or even read my blog so don't worry. I'm back on track and too busy to follow people around at this point and make them like me.

I am also incredibly lucky to work with people who are also my dear friends. You need co-workers who make fun of you and bring you down... keep you grounded. At least this is what they tell me every time I explode into their offices with great news. I could literally win the Nobel Peace Prize and at least a couple of them would be all like "Hey! Shithead! I can see your underwear through your dress! HAhahaha! MORON!" Bless. You guys keep my young! Last night me and a friend dropped by to see a friend and her adorable 6 week old twinses and her toddler son. Her parents are currently in town and it was great to hang out with them as well. Wine was consumed. Cheese was inhaled and I got home just after 9 where I proceeded to pack. At one point the Husband said "Do you have something to wear for dinner instead of just workout clothes?" and I looked at him like he lost his mind. It's like he doesn't even know me! Like I don't have something to wear for dinner?!!? Ball dress too much? Maybe? Well, a few more hours to go and then we are off. I have been up since 3:30 a.m. because the Kid was a child possessed again last night. He screamed and yelled and then suddenly a light bulb went off. Last year exactly around this time he did the same thing: growing pains! Oh Hallelujah! Of course I will miss the little bugger these two nights that we are away but I really need to sleep. I wish you all a fantabulous weekend! You can check out my pictures of the trip on Instagram (@tmspatz) or as always on my Facebook wall. No doubt I will be Maria Von Trapping the crap out of these hills. Happy Weekend!

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Awkwardness and Feeling Like My Old Self, Slowly

Hello Tuesday evening! A friend was over for a little while for some wine and to catch up and it was fabulous! She was on an epic adventure and I am so happy for her and totally jealous! Welcome back D.K.! In other news, I am not going out this week so this was a good compromise. Wine at home, less chance of being an idiot in public. The Kid is in bed (not asleep) and I am finishing up this post and then I will watch some TV and then head to bed for a decent night's sleep. Last night the Kid was difficult. He had had a fabulous day with the Husband: playground fun, an attempt to get him into the train station (they lasted 5 minutes in the entrance which is a HUGE success), french fries from a fast food joint and then back to the playground. I saw them in the park as I headed home and the Kid happily held my hand as we walked back. He was in a great mood and the Husband went to the gym and I had an early dinner and gave the Kid a bath. Soon after that, the Kid got upset. He tried to pull my shirt and hit me a few times and it was pretty emotionally damaging for me but I know it wasn't personal. What goes through my head when he does this? "Where is my sweet little boy?" and of course also "I wish I knew what I could do." and what goes through his head? I don't know and it kills me. The only thing that gets me through these phases is knowing that this usually means an amazing developmental jump is around the corner... if I don't jump out of the window first. It's a struggle guys, and it is freaking hard but we have to take it day by day. It also doesn't help when wakes up at 3:30 a.m. and puts on his own production of Hamilton or Les Mis or whatever the hell he is saying (as he did last night). GAH! It was a rough night yesterday and I just want to curl into a little ball tonight and pet some cashmere and hold my Chanel purse, and then get sad again because I won't be able to afford cashmere and a Chanel purse soon.

The fabulous news is that he was an absolute joy and finally seemed back to his old self after over a week of Hell. Fingers crossed that this difficult phase passes soon. In better news, I am starting to plan the Halloween party. This will be our 11th party and I swear they get more and more exciting. About 3 years ago, on the night of one of our parties, I remember standing in the kitchen and thinking to myself, this will be the last Halloween party in this apartment. That night we had close to 40 people in our cramped apartment and it was a fire hazard extraordinaire! And sure enough, a few months later, we moved into our new place. And it is just perfect for a Halloween party. My decorations have matured... unlike me... and every year I make a couple of new things to add to my collection. Luckily our friends around the corner let me store the decorations in their basement because otherwise I would have to make a decision whether I needed shoes or glitter skulls. My two big projects for this Halloween is to figure out how to make the Kid's room look like the Bayou and to make a fog chiller. I did some Internet searching last night and found a link for a fog chiller. Now, we have a fog machine but it never really did the fog I wanted... it ended up looking like the inside of Shaggy's van on Scooby Doo... Oh come on, now. We all know he liked to partake in a little of the whacky tobacky. Amirite? So, in order to make my fog look more foggy, I found out I needed to make a fog chiller. Unfortunately the few links that I found required me using tools that plug in and I am ridiculously clumsy and know that somehow I would drill a hole into my hand. After getting stitches, I would of course make a stupid Stigmata joke because that is how I roll. I finally found a super easy alternative and I have a feeling the experimentation will take up a lot of my September weekends.



So a funny thing happened this afternoon. But first, let's take a walk down memory lane. Back when I was about 20, not in college, lost and just unhappy, I had made a sudden decision that somehow I would become a food critic. This was problematic because a) I was not a writer and b) I am no gourmand. I would probably have been at some fancy restaurant being like "The scallops sound lovely but how about you go back there and grill me some cheese? Yes?" After watching an episode of Sex and the City, and believing myself to be a chubby and very poor Carrie Bradshaw, I wrote a restaurant review about a Chinese restaurant I had visited. I even remember coming up with a sentence that said something like "My little gastronomic nuggets of gold." and thinking that I was the most brilliant person ever. Full of typos and stupid sentences like the one above, I sent my review via e-mail to I believe the Toronto Sun. Funny enough, I actually received an e-mail shortly thereafter saying "Yeah, we don't take reviews. But thanks anyway!" and probably this was a pretty Canadian thing to actually take the time to write back because I am pretty sure the New Yorker would have a) not written back and b) maybe would have sent my review wrapped around a gutted fish. Meh. I was young! But I had a dream. And now, 15 years later, I have had the opportunity to review some places for Vienna W├╝rstelstand and it is all very fabulous and interesting that I am actually doing something I actually dreamed about doing all those years earlier. So today was a day that I had to review a dish for the fabulous VW. I will not disclose what it was about or where I went... but let's just say that all I expected to do was eat the dish, take some pictures, and then dash out of there like Carmen Sandiego. I showed up a little early, said who I was and was met with confusion. I wondered if somehow I had spoken in Chinese and repeated myself. Eventually a flicker of understanding crossed across one of the men's face and I was told that he would just call the owner. And that was the moment that the music from a horror film starts playing and all I wanted to do was be like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" But I stayed put, tried to look professional and took pictures. Of course the professionalism lasted for a second when I realized that the restaurant I was standing in had been oft featured in a TV show that I adore and so I started to think "Zomg! This is the place!" A minute later, the two owners came out and shook my hand and then gestured to a table and asked what I wanted to drink and I was like "JUST TAP WATER PLEASE!!!" And they sat down and I blurted out "Hey, is this the place that show showed on TV?!?" and they nodded yes suddenly unexpectedly was doing an interview in terrible German (What is the Konzept of your food? Would you say modern? Shut up, Tova! SHUT UP!) and they were so incredibly kind and lovely and then at one point I mentioned my autism center because I am an idiot and they were so interested in that and for 45 minutes we all chatted and I felt so incredibly awkward because I would have worn a better bra and not worn bright pink lipstick had I known I would be meeting them and GAAAAHHHH! I ate the dish and it was spectacular and I thanked them profusely and I apologized for existing and for breathing the same air because they were so fabulous and I was wearing black nail polish and made stupid jokes like "No more food for me because bikini season! AHAHAHAHA!! Cause I am fat." Ugh. The awkwardness. I finished up and practically bowed exited the restaurant and ran to the U-bahn station. Wow, it's good to be back to my awkward and uncomfortable self instead of my last week of self pity and malaise.

So that was today and boy, am I happy to be in a better mood in general. I needed a bit of a kick in the ass and I got it... gourmand style (which has led to Gangnam Style). In other news, I am still so obsessed with Ghostbuster that I want all the Ghostbusters merchandise! Exhibit A below.

I think I might even watch it with a friend again next week! This is how obsessed I am with this film! Yay! Girls rule! Anyway, it is time for me to head to bed and look at my pretty things and to maybe Google "How to be less awkward." I wish you all a fabulous night! Toodles!

Sunday, 14 August 2016

The Week Ended Well and Ghostbusters!!

When I left work yesterday, I was all like, let the weekend BEGIN! Au revoir terrible week! Buh bye! Ciao! I headed to the main University building at Schottentor, wearing my most slimming black outfit and waited for my interviewer. After about 15 minutes I realized he wasn't coming and it was at that moment I started to cry. It just seemed like a fitting end to a shitty week. I finally decided to stop at Cafe Wortner for a drink, read some of a romance novel (covering the front because don't want people to judge) and then headed home. I sighed in relief as I kicked off my heels and hugged the Kid. It was good to be home. Of course, sensing my absolute exhaustion, the Kid started to freak out a little and to which I responded with "Jesse Fucking Cheese!" or something like that and started to cry again. Obviously this was not a fit because as soon as he saw me throw myself onto the bed, he came up and put his face to mine and it was absolutely incredible. I realized he was trying to comfort me and I felt even worse. I don't often lose my shit and pretty much never in front of the Kid and I felt absolutely terrible. I took a couple of deep breaths, started tickling him and sanity was restored.

Once the Kid was in bed, I watched some of the Olympics and marveled at the Ping Pong. My version of ping pong is pretty much trying to not wind myself on the edge of the table while I hold a beer in one hand. These ladies were pretty spectacular. I watched some of the sailing and that was pretty amazing too. I haven't had much time to watch much of the Olympics and that is sad. I usually love the Games and I really love track and field. To watch... not do. As I wrote on Facebook, I am surprised that there isn't constant impaling during javelin... and add discus leading to decapitation. I probably would be a decent javelin thrower if the goal was to hit the middle of a Tiffany's platinum diamond ring. Also, I could never be a judge because I don't do well under pressure and I would be that asshole after the athletes run through the finish line that would be like "Whoops! Forgot to press the timer! Sowwy!!" Anyway, I went to bed and finally bid adieu to this shiteous week.

The Kid woke up at a relatively civilized hour and was in a bit of a grump... but I refused to let that affect my mood. I did some cleaning and read up on the latest on Johnny Depp and Amber Heard (not a good situation, my friends) and then I noticed a caterpillar on the dining room table. I told the Husband and since he is not a fan of snakes or caterpillars, I acted all smug and put the caterpillar on a piece of paper and set him free outside of the window (shuddering of course). I turned to the Husband and said "See what a good person I am?! The things I do!" And he just rolled his eyes. It was just at that moment that I turned to look at the bouquet of flowers on the table and saw at least a dozen writhing caterpillars and that's when I went running from the room. One caterpillar I can handle, a commune of them? No, niet, nope. Buh bye! The Husband took care of it and we won't talk about that anymore.

Speaking of gross things, a moth flew up my dress the other day. It was the morning and I was making my coffee and the bugger Kamikaze'd under my dress. I did the whacko dance and ran from the kitchen. When I told my friends at work about it, one shrugged and said "Well, at least it didn't first fly out from under there." and it took me a second and then I so classily added, yes, followed by tumbleweed. Oh how we giggled and Office Twin looked mortified. So yes, right now bugs and I are not besties and probably never will be and I don't want to talk about that anymore. What I do want to talk about is that last night I went to see Ghostbusters with a friend. I have been wanting to see this for a while and it has been over a year since I have been to the movies. I was so excited. We got popcorn and nachos and put on our 3D glasses and the movie started and it was AMAZING! I laughed throughout and girl crushed on all of them and it was just a million times better than I expected and I had high expectations. Other films have tried to say that they are "feminist" but have failed. This did not! Every young women needs to see this film. Boys too. It was smart, fast and funny and so kick ass and when I went to meet my friends after the film, I was literally hopped up on adrenaline and the excitement. I am totally watching this film again. Ok, sure, I hid a few times when I knew it was going to be scary... Cameos were amazing, the one liners beyond hilarious, no fat jokes, nor slut shaming, nor romance and the fact that not once was there "girl bitchiness" or gratuitous lady nudity made it even more awesome. I love the original 2 Ghostbusters, I truly do, but this is now the 3rd one and it is amazing. GIRL POWER!! Squeal!!

After the film I met some friends, had drinks and then ended up at a random bar in the 1st. I stayed for about an hour and while the music was fantastic, I realized it was time to head home. I now feel like my crazy time is slowly coming to an end. I am hanging up my stalking hat (until a new opportunity presents itself, I am only human), not going to go out as much and really focus on getting stuff done. Sure, I will still go out but not as much. It was a good summer and I know I have been procrastinating and now it is the time to watch a film that inspires me to work hard: Legally Blonde. I wish you all a fabulous Sunday. Tomorrow is a public holiday but unfortunately not for me. Enjoy your long weekends or your holidays or being back at work on Monday. Life is short, enjoy it while you can, but also remember that you are no longer 18 and able to still pull all nighters. This is a life lesson I have learned. Happy Sunday!