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Sunday, 13 April 2014

Bringing all my Clothes Over

Hard to believe that this is our last weekend at our old place. Did I get a lot done this weekend? Not really. I finally found white pillowcases for our living room. That was a win. I went to three different places and had no luck but my last stop had them... and on sale. There's a moral of the story there somewhere. In the afternoon, we went to the new place and unrolled our mattress. Oh! It be big and beautiful! I brought some more clothes over and realized I needed more hangers. I have now purchased an additional 90 hangers. I have a problem.

I love clothes. I truly do. I don't need designer labels, I just need lots and lots of clothes. And I have lots and lots of clothes. I don't shop that much but my mother gives me a ton (last trip to Berlin I arrived with 1 kilo of stuff... left with 23 kilos of stuff - would have been more but I caught her trying to sneak more stuff in. She's fast) and I have a hard time parting with my clothes. The problem with so many clothes is that I sometimes forget what I have. And so that is why I decided on hanging racks for our new place. I want to see all my stuff. I want to walk in and nuzzle all my dresses, stroke all my blazers and feel up my skirts. I have a problem.

I have always loved clothes and when I was a kid, if I had known that fashion designer was a real job, I would have made that my life goal. Any job that I dreamt of having as a kid was only based on what I could wear for that job. Flight attendant? I literally lost my mind when I flew as a kid and saw all of their uniforms. Princess? Oh God yes! The clothes! The hats! The jewels! Lawyer? Suits! Lots and lots of suits! I also had a thing for uniforms. Screw merit badges and camping. I became a Brownie for the uniform. To this day I still remember when some brat stole my sock braces from under the toilet stall when I was changing into my uniform. THEY PULLED THE WHOLE OUTFIT TOGETHER! I think I left the troop soon after that. My parents used to say that I would have probably been first in line for Hitler youth just for the uniform. I probably wouldn't have been accepted, seeing that I am Jewish and a good person and all.

So yes, my clothes are incredibly important to me. So far today, I have brought about 3 Ikea bags full of clothes and I still have a couple more to bring over. This is of course in addition to the 10 bags I have already brought over the past few weeks. I have a problem. And if everything fits onto the hanging racks, I will declare it a miracle. And it better fit because then I will be dealing with a smug, jerk of a husband who will say "I told you we should have brought the wardrobe to the new place" and then I would have to put him in a choke hold and that's just not fun. So off I go, to bring more crap over and yes, one day I will wear that bridesmaid dress again.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

The FInal Countdown and DIY Mosaic Mirror Frame

One week until we move. ONE WEEK! There is so much to do and I am about to hyperventilate. But I will keep it together. Maybe. This is our last weekend in our current abode and I cannot believe that I have spent 10 years here. Seems like a lifetime and yet, it just flew by.

This weekend will be a weekend of last minute purchases, the Husband and I snapping at each other and just general panic. The boxes come on Monday and I have yet to figure out the perfect system for packing. Oh but I will soon, I will. The good news is that most of the "creative" stuff is done. I have my colour schemes figured out, know where each and every piece of furniture will go and all that is left to purchase is a small stand for the kitchen and a mirror (the last mirror, I promise).

It seems that we are still missing our bed (don't get me started) and the corner cabinet of our kitchen. Ikea informed the Husband that the piece will eventually be delivered, maybe next month, and they will install it for free! You will?! How fantastic. Thank you! That really makes up for all the stress. You will install something for free a month later because you guys messed up? Well, isn't that mighty big of you! Now, where's my whacking stick? These are the times that I wished I lived in the great North America and I could get on the phone and make someone weep. But alas, I don't know the German term for "whacking stick" so I am stuck planning revenge, in English. Gah!

Anyway, the good news is that we are finally getting our lights installed next Wednesday. I have to bring the Kid with me and this should be an awesome game of "Don't touch those damn wires!!! WHY MUST YOU PUT EVERYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH?!" And the even better news is that our kitchen table and coat stand is arriving on Monday. With that shipment there are also two freestanding shelves that I accidentally ordered without looking at the length of them. Yeah, they be about 190 cm each. I've ordered two Larry Birds. The Husband is going to kill me. Oh well.

So moving on to something fun and pretty. I mentioned that I was going to be purchasing posters and canvas and I have mentioned gluing shit to shit. Well, here is one of the pieces. Ta da.

I kind of love it a lot. Every Saturday and Sunday, for the past 4 weeks, during naptime, I have run to the new apartment and have glued these little suckers onto canvas. It took forever but the result is pretty great. All you need is: a poster, a canvas that is larger than the poster, glue (so much glue) and pre-cut mirrored tiles. And then you glue and you glue and you glue. And voila. I did two of these. The other poster is a sailboat and Odessa or something. The third poster I ordered is my most absolutely favourite painting of all time - Olympia by Manet. Love.

I did something very different with that painting. It's funky. I'll post a picture later and you shall judge me.

So, happy Friday!

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Go Away Sickness!

Day three of sick leave. I'm still not feeling great but I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm at the "put glue on hand, let it dry, peel it off" stage. So fun. Our kitchen "montage" is almost booked. Don't get me started. One piece is apparently missing and the Husband compared our list with the delivery list and doesn't see this "piece" missing. Frustration! So at one point I will have to check each box and bauble that has been delivered and find out what is missing. Personal nightmare.

Our last weekend in the apartment is coming up. I cannot believe it! There is so much to do and I wish I was back in top form so I could get 'er done. Even though I have moved a bazillion times, this is the first time as an adult that I have movers coming. I have done my best to bring stuff over, but Billy bookcases are not easy to carry. So our timiline is somewhat like this:

April 15th- boxes arrive
April 17th- Kid dropped off at daycare, Mother in Law picking him up in the afternoon and taking him to her place for two nights - hallowed (right?) is her name. Tova runs around like a mad man putting crap in boxes.
April 18th- MOVING DAY!!!!
April 18th-20th- UNPACK ALL THE THINGS!
What still needs to be done is getting our kitchen installed, our lights installed (I don't want to talk about it - but I will, soon) and the purchase of this and that.

I really want to be completely moved in and set up by Easter Sunday and the Husband doubts my ambition. Silly, silly man. If I have to stay up all night, I will. I refuse to live in chaos anymore! My mother always had us moved in within 24 hours - I respect that. Oh, and sidenote, I'm not allowed to say "trust me" to the Husband anymore. He will smother me in my sleep.

And so, I will lie down shortly. I'm still waiting for that morning when I wake up feeling awesome. Still waiting. Let's say that tomorrow will be that morning. The good news is that I am on day 8 of no booze. It's been easy because I am sick and I would like to say I have been so much more productive and energetic but that's not true. Maybe by next week? Righty oh! Time for a nap!

Monday, 7 April 2014

Home Sick and a Meltdown

Well, I have an upper respiratory tract infection. Of course I do. Last week I was battling a cold but I didn't battle well enough. Yesterday I was able to see a doctor (thank you private health insurance and your crazy crazy snob-inducing ways). He was a new doctor for me - Spanish and passionate and I kind of wished he would have tangoed me out of the office and instead of a rose in my mouth, a prescription. I did get mah drugs and now I am just trying to sleep the bug off. SLEEP IT OFF! Why did I get sick? Stress of course. And Friday night was the night that I finally allowed myself to open the floodgates and let that sickness in (and yes I took an early Saturday morning walk because Mommy no like to sit still).

So on Friday night, the Husband and I were having dinner and he mentioned something (not that important) and it just triggered me. I collapsed emotionally and the ugly cry began. Full out wails and deep gulps and snot bubbles. I was crying for everything. The past year has taken a toll on me emotionally and physically (the weight gain is not just due to my love of cheese). Our marriage has gone through a lot of strain. My mental health has suffered. And while I seem to put on a happy face - and for the most part I have been happy because that is what I do - my insides have been dying. I cried for the crappy treatment by the daycare, I cried for all the specialist appointments we have been too, I cried for the autism diagnosis, the not autism diagnosis, the maybe autism diagnosis, I cried for the failed attempt at the new daycare, I cried for the times I didn't cry, I cried for the unfairness of it all.

The Husband held me and listened and for a good hour I sobbed and I went through anger, grief and denial in a cycle. I have had bad days and I have cried but I hadn't let myself lose it like I did on Friday night. I'm a fixer and I hate needing help so I have tried my darndest to "stay positive" but there is only so much I can take. And I took it, until Friday. I have a 3 year old that I love more than anything in the world who I cannot have a conversation with. I have a beautiful son who fills me up with so much love that I am terrified. A child that has full out meltdowns that require him to be restrained until he calms down. We haven't had a "normal" life in a very long time and it's not fair. It's not fair that we can't do normal things, like visit museums or restaurants. It's not fair that I know people stare at him to try and see if there is something off about him - like autism is catching or there is a mole that shows he has it. It's not fair that we are not invited to other kid events. It's not fair. It's not fair. But life isn't fair and I am the first to say that. I have soldiered on and I have done all that I can do to keep it together because I have falsely believed that if I lose it, then this small family will fall apart.

And so, when I lost it on Friday, I waited for the Husband to also lose it but he didn't. After my hour of crying he quietly said with a smile "Everything will be alright. We just have to take another path than most parents take. It might take longer but when we get there, it will be the most incredible thing." and with that, I stopped crying. Dude! Da hell?! Why are you so amazing? All this time I have been fighting a fight I didn't have to fight. I raged against the unfairness all on my own, trying to protect the people I love the most. But I didn't protect me. I hate pity, I hate the idea of being a martyr, I hate defeat. But I am starting to see that I have been fighting myself. Life isn't fair but life is pretty amazing.

During my meltdown, I explained to the Husband that I see our new apartment as not just an awesome place for selfies, but as a symbol. It is a symbol of change and of hope and a fresh start. I also said something like, and I am paraphrasing here "and that's why I bought another super huge chandelier the other day..." to which he was like "What new chandelier?! HOW MANY HAVE YOU BOUGHT?!?" and then I started crying again and talked about our fresh start. I may have lost it, but I'm still me.

And so, that was my very very honest post. It must be the meds or the fact that Friday was a bit of a turning point for me. I am so very blessed in my life and as the Husband says "it might take longer but when we get there, it will be the most incredible thing."

The End

Friday, 4 April 2014

Screens and Things

Yay! Friday! Yay! A very much needed day. Just two more weekends in our place and then onto the 4th district. Cray cray. This weekend will be filled with organizing and throwing stuff out and of course, stocking up on clean and healthy foods.

For the weekend, I am hoping to mix Greek yoghurt with muesli and berries for breakfast, smoothies for lunch and some righteous veggie wraps for dinner. Our fridge is going to look like a normal healthy person's fridge and not like a frat house fridge. Yay! Maturity. Tonight I am making a flatbread pizza with buffalo mozzarella, roasted peppers and onions and some spicy pesto... with no wine. No wine at all. Sob.

It has been once again a crazy week and I am looking forward to some downtime in May. Just a few weeks to go and then all will be right in the world. Kind of. I showed our nanny the place last night and she seemed to really like it which means happiness all around. Right? Right.

On to another topic, my necklace racks arrived today so that is great. I will have a jewelry stand in the bedroom and I will be all organized and stuff. On the other side of the room, as I mentioned, I put up some hanging racks in the corner and hid said racks with some screens. Please refer to pictures below. This is what happens when I don't get a wall. I give these screens a week until the Kid decides to go Kamikaze on them.
Like the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. But with no door, or lion or thinly veiled references to biblical events.

They are so big. I almost was killed by one. For reals.
Over the weekend, I will bring my summer clothes over and hang them up to get a better idea of how much crap I can fit behind the screens. At this point, I have no idea.

So that's just a mini update of what is happening, yo. And by the way... no booze, day 3.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Going Clean For April

Well. Well, I don't know how to say this but I'm giving up the hooch. Not for good because that is crazy talk but until April 22nd. I will be abstaining from my loyal friend the Booze for 21 days. What brought this on? A life changing event? Did I end up in a gutter? No. Nothing catastrophic happened but I've been feeling stressed and lethargic and gross and I figure some abstinence won't hurt. I actually don't drink that much. But I do like my wine and on days that I have been stressed, I can easily have more glasses than I want and then the next day I feel bloated and I make bad food choices and then I want more wine because I feel bloated and made bad food choices.

When you have a toddler at home, mommy needs to be "on" every.single.morning. And I am "on" but I want to be more "on". I want to feel more alert in the mornings and I feel that I need to give my body a little overhaul. So with the booze abstinence for 21 days comes the Coke Zero abstinence (OH GOD NO!) as well as the effort to eat cleaner. I need to up my veggies and fruit and get back to the gym. We are moving in 2 weeks and I need to get to a healthier place before I pack or I might just scream "F#@CK IT!" and throw everything out including the Husband. I want to get my energy back and eating pizza is not helping. I'm not going on a diet - I'm just saying no to processed foods and fizzy drinks and yes, the Booze for a while (I reserve the right to eat some processed foods over the moving weekend in a couple of weeks but I will try my darndest not to). So to kick this off, tonight I am having cucumber and avocado maki for dinner and no wine. None. No wine. There will be no wine. None. Fml.

And since misery loves company, who's with me!? Bueller? Bueller?

Day 2. No booze.

All I Ask For is a Kitchen

Gaaaah! Did you feel that disturbance in the force yesterday? Did you see all the birds in Vienna take flight around 9 a.m.? My head - it exploded. And then it exploded again and again. Yesterday was not a good day.

I took the day off because I was, like, expecting our new kitchen to be installed and because I am the only one that cooks in our family, it is kind of important that I get a say in how it will be installed. And so, at 7:25 I was in my kitchen-planning outfit; yoga pants and a fleece sweater and I was about to make my way to our new apartment. We had been told that the kitchen would arrive between 8 and 10 a.m. Just as I was going to take my last sip of coffee, the phone rang. The guys were already outside our new apartment with my beloved (maybe) kitchen. So I ran to the ubahn and got there 10 minutes later to let the guys in. They brought things up faster than I can judge a person's outfit. They were very fast. Then they asked me to sign a sheet and I asked "So, um, when are the people who install this coming?" to which the guy responded "later".

I walked around the new apartment and kept looking at the time. An hour passed and I was pacing. I texted the Husband and asked when the installation guys were supposed to show up and did they call by chance? More pacing. Then a little while later, the Husband called and said "They aren't coming. Apparently we were supposed to make a separate appointment with them." and then I am quite sure he held the phone away from his ear as I turned into a Greek widow. After about 5 minutes of my wailing, the Husband suggested I could go to work instead of banging my head against the wall and cursing. Unfortunately I couldn't because I was waiting for the screens I had ordered because "WE ARE NO LONGER HAVING A WALL BUILT SO TECHNICALLY THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Reasoning? I have none.

I spent the next few hours waiting for the other delivery guys to arrive and discovered I had run out of mirrored tiles (so no gluing for me) and that I needed a screwdriver to put together my new hanging racks. So I decided to unpack the sofa, the new chair and footstool. The Husband dropped by at lunchtime and said "Are these the instructions to the sofa? Ikea says you need two people to put this together." to which I responded "Ikea says a lot of things. Like I would get my kitchen today." The Husband didn't stay long. The screens finally arrived around 2 and I spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking things and putting together the hanging racks (I ran home for a screwdriver).

When the Husband got home last night, he informed me that we probably won't get our kitchen installed until the day before we move. And then he told me that the Expedit I ordered is no longer available. Gone. Not there. Not happening. Boom!

The Husband did not pick up on my facial expression and said "Dear, you can't expect everything to happen over night. It can't be perfect immediately..." to which I responded "HAVE WE MET?!?!" I went to bed angry and I woke up with an angry cold and I am just angry. I know once we get through these next two weeks, I will be in a much better state. The kitchen should be installed in a week or two. But for now, vengeance is mine.