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Tuesday, 16 December 2014

An Appointment at the Autism Centre

Ugh you guys. First of all, Happy Hanukkah! And a very Happy Wedding Anniversary to my parents. 41 years! That's amahzing!

In other news, today was a bit of a clusterfuck. I was absolutely exhausted. The Kid did not sleep well the night before. At one point he was goosestepping while lying down and when the Husband tried to reach out and stop him, he inadvertently grabbed my hair. (Yeah, inadvertently) Which led to much yelling on my part and many apologies on the Husband's part. I also didn't sleep well because today was the big appointment at the autism center that we have been waiting close to two months for. The nerves, they were eating at me.

Yesterday, the Husband called to re-confirm our appointment at 6:30 this evening and all was fine. This morning he sent me an e-mail telling me that the center had called and could only see us at 3:30 today. This was not good. This made me froth at the mouth. I made him call and ask if we could re-schedule and they told him that the earliest appointment would be in March. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

I was ticked because a) of their assumption that we could completely change our plans on the same day, b) I couldn't make it and ergo I would be branded a bad mother and c) ALL OF THE ABOVE TIMES A BILLION! I couldn't leave work so the Husband ended up going with the Kid and the Mother in Law and I won't lie, I was wreck for the whole afternoon. I got home just after five and paced the apartment, The Husband texted that they would be home shortly and that everything "Went ok" which could mean anything from "IT WAS FANTABULOUS AND WE WON A CAR!" to "THE STATE IS TAKING FULL CUSTODY OF OUR CHILD BECAUSE THEY FOUND OUT WE FEED HIM CAKE FOR BREAKFAST MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK!"

The Kid jumped into my arms and the Husband sat down and told me that they met two people at the center; one a counselor and the other a student. She basically spent an hour explaining ABA therapy and gave a couple of pointers and well, he pretty much heard the same thing we had heard on Sunday from our therapist. So really, we waited two months for an "information" session. She did note that the Kid did not seem severely autistic. And then she told the Husband that he should still make an appointment with the psychologist. So I guess in 2021, we will finally get started. Ugh. What a waste of stress. But hey, at least we are on our way. The one thing that I am grateful for is the we have our therapist and that we can get started at home as soon as possible and that we won't have to wait for the center. And when I become a millionaire, my first order of business will be to start my own darn autism center. And I will serve free muffins and offer hours that are suitable for working parents within a week of their inquiry.

So that was today. A bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I am tired and it is hard to believe that exactly a year ago we visited a different diagnosis center. Christmas is around the corner and I want to put my feet up and take a little break from all the madness and drink eggnog until I give myself a coronary. Good plan, Tova, awesome. Happy Hanukkah!

Sunday, 14 December 2014

What a Great Weekend!

It is Sunday night and I am in my jammies, my fluffy robe, comfy slippers and I am feeling like a commercial for an easy listening radio station. Cooomfy. It was an absolutely fabulous weekend and I am feeling well rested and ready for the next week.

This past weekend was great for a whole lot of reasons. My parents were in town and I was spoiled with amazing gifts; stuff to wear, jewellery, stuff to serve stuff, a Longchamp purse, Jo Malone body cream, pearls, a fake fur stole, a fake fire place, and so much more. The Kid received a great easel and he has been using it off and on through out the day. I like to think he expresses himself through art. Apparently large angry circles are his way to tell me "Shut your pie hole and change my diaper"

I got my parents gifts too because apparently after you turn 5, gifts comprised of clay and my handprint are no longer adorable. On Saturday (after making sure my dad would be interested in the idea of one) I headed to Saturn to get him a Fitbit. I like stores like Saturn. I always feel like I can find something I probably don't really need but really want after seeing the shiny packaging and/or slick design. An egg cooker? Don't mind if I do! A light up alarm clock?! Sold! A USB laptop fan? Where have you been all my life?

So anyway, I walked in to get my dad a Fitbit. I spied one in the distance and walked up to the display. I noticed there was only a pink one but I grabbed it, assuming there would be more in the ever mysterious "back". One woman loitered near the display so I looked at her and she looked at me and it was that awkward moment where I didn't want to offend her just in case she was just a normal woman wearing a t-shirt in a store on a December morning. She made the first move much to my relief.

"Can I help you?" she asked. And I answered "Yeah, I need a Fitbit in another colour." I responded. She then said "I'm Carmen." and I kind of paused and then said "Nice to meet you Carmen." while I thought to myself "Boy, Carmen is lonely." Then she paused and switched to English and said "I'm from Carmen" to which I responded slowly and with a touch of confusion "Well, that's great!" I guess at that point she could sense the stupid was strong in me that morning so she pointed to a rack behind her that said "GARMIN" and repeated "" and boy, did I feel stupid. Apparently Garmin is another company that offers Fitbit-like pedometers. I said thanks but no thanks and went on the hunt for a Saturn employee; careful to not die from embarrassment. I interrupted two salespeople (young adults) in the throes of a fascinating conversation about boyfriends and hair and asked if they sold anymore Fitbits. One turned my way and sniffed "That's all we have" and then turned back to her insipid and stupid conversation. "OH NO YOU DIIIN'T" I almost yelled but I swallowed my rage and tried to figure out how to convince my dad that pink was the new conservative navy.

But the stars were aligned and I stumbled upon a stash of black Fitbits and victory was mine. I made sure to wave buh bye to Carmen on my way out. She was at least nice.

Saturday evening was spent with the parents and the Husband and the Kid. Dinner was had, presents were opened and the Kid was hamming it up. It was a perfect early Christmas.

This morning my therapist came by for the Kid. I asked if we could get a family discount. She is an ABA specialist and that is definitely the route we want to take with the Kid. I am really super excited to get started. On Tuesday we have an appointment at the Autism center but I feel better going in with a plan. And I feel like a plan is coming together. And if we all work really hard, while using the plan, I have a feeling that the Kid is going to totally win at life.

After the meeting, we got on our winter clothes and headed into the foggy day. We headed to the botanical gardens where the Kid went wild with happiness. It was all fun and games until he tried to launch himself into the Koi pond. There were some judgy looks from strangers. We then decided to hit up the Karlsplatz Christmas market. When we arrived, the Kid spied the hay and dove straight in. It was amazing to seem him so happy that I almost decked a woman who tried to spoil it for him. Her daughter was building a fort and the Kid touched said fort and the daughter started yelling and then the mom yelled at the Kid and told him to touch some other fort and I almost was on the news today, kids. The Husband was peeved too and I realized that the couple that bitches together, stays together.

After our 3 hour tour, we headed back home where we spent the afternoon watching Christmas films and doing laundry and it was all so awesome! And now it is time for me to think about heading to bed and to consider not eating for the next few days. It was a foodie weekend. And not in that foodie gourmand way... no, more like, bitch ate a lot of food. Ugh, chest pains. Nighty night!

Monday, 8 December 2014

Non-stop Madness

It has been a crazy few days. I feel like I've been starting every blog post saying that. But dudes, I'm exhausted. So again, this is just going to be a post of dis and dat with perhaps a little bit of kvetching about how tiiiiired I am when really, I am super grateful to be exhausted because that means I am living life to the fullest right now.... and developing more and more of a gut.

If we are friends on Facebook or you follow my Operation Tubetop Facebook page (thank you and if you haven't liked the page, then please do because with every like, my self esteem grows. Like the Grinch and his heart), you would have seen that I am now a contributor for the wonderful website; Vienna Würstelstand. I am now the "child expert" (don't snort!). I met a lovely woman on Sunday who said "Oh! You're the bad mother!". I twitched and then realized she was misquoting from the Vienna Würstelstand Facebook page when they had introduced me and called me a "Badass mom". Big difference! Huge. I need to lie down.

If you didn't get a chance to read my very first article, you can read all about it here . So exciting. I'm a somebody now!

Besides all the weight gain and bad eating, I am still getting my early morning walks in. Last Thursday's walk was especially exciting. From now on, it will be referred to as "When Animals Attack, Judge, Don't Move".

It was a normal morning at 5:30. I was bundled up and walking down the street without a care in the world besides being on the lookout for serial killers. I was just about to cross a street when I saw a cat. I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating from lack of sleep or from the incessant drizzle we have been experiencing for what seems like a month but sure enough, der dar was a cat. This is an unusual sight in Vienna in the 4th district. At first I was worried that this little guy might have been lost so I approached him slowly, doing that obnoxious clucking sound that makes absolutely no sense when dealing with cats. And yet, I persist. The cat looked up at me, stared at me, and then turned away with a motion that could only be described as "Yeah, fuck you." Well, fine. Scuse me for trying to help. Jerk. He sauntered off and then squeezed through a gate and he was gone... but the judgement clung to the air for several minutes. This is why I think food is love.

I continued on my walk and about 15 minutes later, I had another animal encounter. This time; a mouse. Now, mice and rats are totally common in Vienna and I have seen them from Ubahn stations, to our park, to churches and they don't really skeeve me out because Secret of Nimh was awesome. Yet, I don't want a mouse that pretends to be a leaf so that I almost step on it and give myself a coronary when it moves. Stupid mouse. I did a little jig and prayed nobody saw the chubby girl Riverdance on the sidewalk. Again, stupid mouse.

I was a little natured out but I continued (again) on my walk through the urban setting. It was awfully quiet on the main street and I enjoyed the few moments of peace until a tram would come charging down the street to break the silence. At this point, I was attacked... from behind... with a slap to the back of my head...which led to me screaming... because a stupid pigeon decided that he'd just had enough of being a stupid bird and decided to bitch slap the first human he saw that morning. Well played bird. You have convinced me to give kegels another try. Stupid bird. So that was that morning walk. Needless to say, I have been much more vigilant these past few days.

And that takes me straight into the exhaustion I am so fond of talking about. The Kid has NOT been sleeping well. It is a combination of a couple of things. One night, a little while ago, the Husband and I had our first date night in over 7 months. Sure, we were super blessed to get a couple of weekends away in order to watch made for TV films in nice hotel rooms this summer, but a date night? Been a long time my friends. So, of course, the Kid is no longer used to both of us not being home in the evenings, which led to the Nanny being unable to get him to sleep, which apparently led to him sitting in the hallway crying out "Moooooooommmmmy" with huge fat tears running down his cheeks which made me feel like a Class A Asshole. Right,in,the,feels.

Since that date night, we have been struggling to get him to fall asleep. It is literally the eyes taped open scene from Conspiracy Theory. Except he is doing it to himself. The Kid will keep himself awake while I read to him and any time I shift, he's up and ready to latch himself to me. So co-sleeping is back. We had had a decent run the past couple of weeks. He'd fall asleep around 7:15 and then the Husband and I could sit and watch TV and then head to bed around 10. The Kid would then sneak into our bed so artfully and ninja-like, that we barely even noticed until the next morning. It was pretty blissful. But all that is over. This is what happens when you say "You know what? Let's do something for ourselves!" Aaah! The dreams of parents! Fingers crossed we get back on track.

And hey, you know what? He's asleep! Success! So I will end this post now so that I can trim my bangs and catch up on "Serial". My friend told me about this podcast and I am hooked! It is amahzing! Check it out! Nighty night!

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Christmas Decorating, A Woodpecker, Our Christmas Card and So on and So on

Apologies for not writing in almost a week. It has been incredibly hectic. December is like a sorority rush but with back pain and the need for Botox. I haven't really had a spare moment and I am just so grateful for my Kindle so that I can read to the Kid to put him to sleep while painting my nails. Multitasking. I win.

I wanted to officially announce my EXCITING NEWS but it isn't official official yet but I can spill the beans now... and if it doesn't pan out, I can always go back and delete this part of the post. THE POWER I HAVE! So, if you haven't figured it out yet.... I will be a contributor for the awesome site; Vienna Würstelstand. This is a great site and about a month ago they shared my "31 Signs that You Know you Have Lived in Vienna for a Long Time" which helped me get over 11,000 views on that one post. I literally jumped for joy.

Fast forward to now; I am very much looking forward to being able to write for them. Also, if you are in town, please drop by Supersense this Sunday for the Vanillekipferl Bake off at 3 p.m., hosted by Vienna Würstelstand. I will be there, with powdered sugar covering my torso and making me look like an addict. Yay! Sugar!

So that is the big news. Now onto dis and dat.

Christmas decorating: A couple of weeks ago, I got the itch to start decorating for Christmas. Save for the tree, the living room was done and glittery. But the more that I looked at the decorations, the more I came to hate them. Hated them with the passion of a thousand passion fruits. Like last year, I made the mistake of looking at a bunch of pictures of the White House Christmas decorations, and I was like "Challenge Accepted!"

Needless to say, I spent more money than I should have but at least I am super happy with the decorations now. We decorated the tree on Saturday and it was surprisingly blissful. Except when I suggested that I run out and get new lights because I was, and I quote "DONE WITH THE TACKY!" to which the Husband sighed. I ended up not going to get different lights and now I call the Christmas tree, the Tree of Compromise. Yay! It's all so pretty in here. Even the Tree of Compromise has its moments.

Our possessed radio: We have a CD player/radio in our kitchen that at the moment is on loop playing Michael Buble's Christmas CD because awesome. Sometimes we listen to the radio because the Husband is starting to get that twitch whenever Feliz Navidad comes on. Anyway, the Husband told me that the player wasn't turning on and he tried to unplug it and open it and turn it off and on but nothing happened. So he gave up and went to the fridge for a drink. As soon as he opened the door, the radio turned on. I snorted when he told me this. Then a couple of days ago, I wanted to listen to Buble's smokey voice and I was thwarted. I tried to turn it on and off. Unplugged it. And then, I made sure I was alone and I went to the fridge. I opened it up and lo and behold, the sucker turned on. Mind blown.

Woodpecker in the park: nope, not a perv. The bird. I headed to the park the other morning and something up in the tree caught my eye. I looked up and saw what looked like a bird hitting his head against the trunk repeatedly. It was windy so I initially didn't hear the tapping. Instead, I imagined that this bird got drunk the night before and wrote a text to his bird crush and hated his drunk self. Sidenote: IT IS AMAZING THAT WE HAVE A WOODPECKER IN OUR PARK... a self-hating one at that.

Christmas card: Thank you to everyone who sent me their addresses. If you want this year's Christmas card, please PM me or write me at I won't lie, this year will be the best one to date! I had a friend do a little magic with the Photoshop and the result is amazing! So you have until Sunday to get on da list!

I better head to bed soon. I have so much more to write about but that will happen in the next couple of days. And maybe, just maybe, I will get some down time. Maybe in the new year.

Thursday, 27 November 2014

A Thanksgiving Later

Well, apologies for a very serious post coming up. This is kind of an important day. I know for all of my lovely American friends that it is Thanksgiving and I hope that you are all having a great meal and spending a wonderful day with your family. Thanksgiving was also a great anniversary for me for a friendship starting. It is also an important birthday for my sister today. I am proud of her for being such an inspiring person and for being an amazing mother. Happy birthday, Tonya. I wish I could celebrate today with you. Enough about you. On to me. Heh. Joking. Or not. Or yes? Happy birthday! Anyway, a year ago on Thanksgiving... I celebrated the worst day of my life.

That might sound dramatic and well... it was. Back in November of 2013, we were in the midst of the Daycare problems. There were threats of kicking him out and there was the Aspergers Letter written by a student and I finally signed my work contract after two years of doubt and it was just a difficult time. We had hired a speech therapist to come by and analyse our son. I had to work late and I texted the Husband "HOW DID IT GO?!?" and he responded "Good! Will tell you about it when you get home!" I was in a cheerful mood and headed home. After putting the Kid to bed, the Husband told me that in fact the meeting had not gone "good" and in fact, there was something seriously wrong with our son. This also led to a very important conversation about texting false things.

I was a wreck for the rest of the night and I woke up in a state and I quickly scheduled a meeting with the speech therapist for that morning at my workplace. I was desperate to find out what she had surmised. We met at the cafe at work, on Thanksgiving morning and I was pretty much told that my son was severely autistic and that we were facing at least 10 hours a week of therapy and that his future looked bleak. After a 45 minute talk, I headed back to work where I spent the rest of the day dry heaving and trying to keep it together. I will also never forget the support of my co-workers and my Facebook friends. You helped more than you will ever know. Thank you.

I left work around 4 and headed to our local where I ordered wine and held back the tears. I texted my friend that I was a wreck; asking if she could meet me for a drink. She had the flu but she instinctively knew that I was not alright and in all her snotty glory, she came and she let me cry. And cry I did. And I will be eternally grateful that she came. At 6, I stood up and crossed the street to our place. My heart hurt and I was a complete wreck. Would I look at my son differently? Could I be a good mother? Was my future going to never be the sepia toned photo album I had imagined? I choked back some more tears and put the key in the lock.

My son jumped off the sofa and ran at me, throwing his arms around me. He exclaimed "MOMMY!" and then he yelled "QUACK! QUACK!" which was the Mickey Christmas DVD he had become addicted too. I paid the Nanny, settled on the sofa with the Kid and put on the DVD. And then he laughed. He laughed and then I started to cry again. But this time, it wasn't heart wrenching. No, it was me crying from joy because just then I realized that I would never accept that my son would not be amazing. That with a lot of work and determination, he would have a future.

A year later, a lot has changed. We tried out another daycare where I was told I should try and re-birth my son because I had a C-section. We had countless appointments with specialists. We had 20 sessions of ergotherapy. We moved to a new apartment and started at a kindergarten that is a perfect fit (would be nice if they could keep him after noon). We have seen a complete change in his personality - no longer do we have to restrain him for an hour as he loses his shit which would lead to me crying into a pillow every night... Even though his language has regressed and that brings me to tears every other day, seeing how happy he is snaps me out of my sadness every time. We still have a long road ahead of us. We have two different appointments at autism centres next month and we are currently arranging some private ABA therapy for him as well. Only time will tell. I write about my snobby ways, my materialistic wish lists and how I give the Husband a hard time for not vomiting diamonds on special days... but truly... my one wish this Christmas is to hear my son talk again. And it will happen one day.. because really? What a difference a year makes. And I can say, with optimism, watch this space.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Dis and Dat

Sup? It's Wednesday. It's cold. It's windy and I've been acting like a 20 year old with a disposable income the last half week.

To balance out my crazy Tila Tequila ways, we took the Kid to an indoor spielplatz on Saturday. I can't write about it here just yet. Patience. I'm saying patience to myself because I am literally chomping at the bit right now. I hope for not much longer. Saturday night I went to my favourite restaurant; Satrapezo. The food is glorious, the service fantastic, and the prices are reasonable. We ordered a 21 euro bottle of wine and I had a little internal heart attack when they served it with such flourish. Did I miss a "0" on the wine price list. But, no, it was all good.

After dinner, because I felt like I hadn't Paris Hilton'd it up enough, we headed to a bar near my place. That was how I justified the bar hop; "Sis jus round carner from meeeeee!!!". We didn't know where the bar was so I said to the taxi driver; "Just drive" and it felt very film noir. Once there, I was offered a tequila shot and I realized that tequila shot taking is just like riding a bike. Lick, salt, lick, drink, suck. I'm glad that the 33 year old mother in me said "Easy there, Springbreaker." And then I headed home, shaking my head and chuckling. Shots. Shots? What? Oh Tova, YOU CRAZY!

The next day we had a couple of friends over for a faux Thanksgiving. I just really wanted an excuse to eat stuffing. Mmmmh. Stuffing. The Kid, having absolutely no problem with humans over 4 feet tall, draped himself across our visitors. Thanks for making us look like we beat you, Kid.

After giving myself the gout, it was time to get ready for the week ahead. This involved sniffing at bras to decide which one could pass the test to wear to work the next day. I'm not proud.

Monday and Tuesday day were normal. And then there was Tuesday night. A while ago, a friend and I had discussed checking out this "meet and greet" that takes place monthly. It is supposed to be a kind of meet up of people with jobs or something. A type of networking event. I had heard people talk about them before and the reviews were not glowing. Of course I saw that as a personal challenge and decided that if I am going to spread the gospel of my blog that shares way too much information about my life then this would be the place to visit. I also repeatedly gave myself a pep talk that I would stay cool. I wouldn't explode into a puddle of verbal incontinence; spewing gems such as "I was told to re-birth my child!" or "My son might have autism but I'm leaning more towards jerkism" or "I sniff my bras way too often" while going in for the first handshake.

I arrived at 7:30 and waited outside for my friend. She showed up right on time and we headed in. We paid 10 euros and were given a casino chip for our free drink. There were two choices; mint tea or watered down punsch. I settled for the tea because my pits were already schwitzing. Nice Tova. Nice imagery. I looked around the room and noted that I was the chubbiest girl in the room; kind of like a life raft surrounded by seagulls: if seagulls were twenty year olds with plumped-up lips, botox and Chanel purses. There was a wide spectrum of men in suits and expensive watches. And can I just talk about the lips for a second? Ladies? Why? I mean, yes, I am a slave to my endless quest to find a lip plumper that works but I also don't want to look I can shelve a dictionary on my top lip. Two of these ladies were so pretty but their lips entered the room a full minute before the rest of them did.

The get together took place at Aux Gazelles; a French Moroccan restaurant. It was my first time there and it is HUGE! I got lost on my way to the toilets and I kept ending up in random harem-themed rooms exclaiming "I need an adult!" The place was hopping and the mating dance of the single and maybe not so single started. I noted that no one was looking my way and I moaned and complained. Look, I'm happily married but it would be nice if just one time I could say "You're sweet, but I'm mawwied." Nope. Not one time has that happened to me in years. Look, I know I'm not a looker but in a dark room, I'm not Quasimodo. And doesn't personality and a braying laugh count for anything these days?!? A friend pointed out that it might be the 3 diamond rings I wear on my ring finger. I said that couldn't be the reason when I spend the majority of the time rooting around in my purse for crap with that hand.

Another friend joined us a little later and he had the brilliant idea to get a round of vodka shots. Am I actually on Springbreak? I relented and we all knocked a shot back. And that is when the burning and choking started. I'd like to say that I am a snob and that this vodka was not up to my standards but actually, the liquid went down the wrong way. I started to dry heave, cough and my eyes filled up with tears. I doubled over and almost threw up on the dance floor, right in the middle of the action. A few smacks on my back and some sips from my friend's white wine spritzer and I was fine. Shaken, stirred, but fine. And still I didn't get picked up last night. Weird.

I called it a night just after 10 and made my way back home, wondering if I would drown in my sleep due to the vodka in my lungs. I'm happy that I didn't drink much because I probably would have struck up a conversation with some random stranger who would most likely pull a whole Romi and Michelle "My shoe is filling up with blood" exit excuse. Thank goodness for small blessings. Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving. I'd like to wish you all a great and safe holiday. Tomorrow is a very very important day for me and the Kid which I will talk about tomorrow. Now it is time for me to have some tea, curl up on the sofa and watch Melrose Place. Sometimes quiet nights in are the best nights of them all. And at least here, I have a guy who thinks I'm hot. But I think he has to say that because breaking up would be very expensive. Happy Wednesday!

Friday, 21 November 2014

Friday Wrap-Up

Hola everybody! It is Friday night and I am in my sweats, currently enjoying a cranberry vodka because Mommy can't drink yeast. Ugh. Pity party for one. Or not... because I am enjoying cranberry juice WITH vodka. When life gives you something uncomfortable, you switch to vodka... and cranberry juice. I think you get what I am saying. I couldn't BE more obvious.

It has been a hectic week and I am still all angtsy for my "exciting news" to happen officially so that I can brag and brag. But I will be patient. Where's my drink? This week was a bit of blur with a lot of annoying whining on my part. And it was also filled with a lot of laughter. So here is a bit of a re-cap using keywords again.

Cellphone: Son of a bitch! My alarm didn't go off again. I overslept. This is the second time in a few weeks and it has thrown me for a loop. I do not OVERSLEEP! My normal time for arising from my coffin is 5 a.m.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up with a start. I looked at my cellphone and saw that it was 2:35 a.m. I shrugged and looked outside and thought "Is it summer in the arctic because it sure is bright out there?" and I made my way to the kitchen to make some milk for the Kid in case he woke up before 5. I kept thinking how well rested I felt. La la la la. I made the milk and thought "That's odd. Birds are singing." shrug. La la la la. And then I looked at the microwave clock and screamed. It was 7:10. I overslept by 2 hours. MotherLOVER!

I started swearing "Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!!" and the Husband yelled back "What?!? WHAT?!?!" and I exclaimed "I AM LATE!" and more swearing happened and then I turned my rage onto the Husband "WHY DIDN'T YOUR ALARM GO OFF?!? WHY?!?!?" and he responded with "My alarm is set for 7:15" and just at that moment, his alarm went off; like red to a bull that was. And then I yelled "WHAT PERSON WITH A TODDLER SETS HIS ALARM FOR 7:15?!? WHY?! OH GOD! I AM SO LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTEE!" So yeah, he got an apology e-mail a couple of hours later. Stupid phone that froze. Stupid stupid. Buying an alarm clock tomorrow.

The night of the living toddler: Tuesday night must have been some type of weird eclipse thing. I don't know what happened but let's just say I got about 3 hours of sleep. The evening went well. The Kid went to bed at 7:15. He fell asleep 15 minutes later. The Husband and I watched some TV and just when Melrose Place ended, we heard the ominous noise that is a toddler making his way out of his room. He didn't complain or make noise but rather went straight to our bed. We shrugged and headed to bed as well. And then the whispering started. Non-stop whispering. I don't know what kind of possession he was experiencing but there is nothing quite as creepy as a toddler whispering at 2 in the morning. Finally at three, he fell asleep for 3 hours. I have no idea how all three of us functioned the next day. And let me just add, the Husband got another apology e-mail on Wednesday. I say mean things in the middle of the night.

Words I can't pronounce: So the other week I mentioned the fact that I can't pronounce "awry" and my friend literally called me stupid and I have to agree with her. Just this week I once again proved my not so smartness. I pronounced "Orion" like "Oreon" and not "O'Ryan". This led to lots and lots of mocking with a visit to Google Translate to make sure I was stupid. And since we are both in our thirties and always professional, we decided to make Google Translate say "poop". Oh the laughter. And because I can't be the only stupid person, I tried to find a bunch of words to trip her up. Chipotle. I love you. And by the way, we've all been pronouncing Dr. Seuss wrong. It is Dr. Soiss. Little known fact: Oh the Places You'll Go was originally Oh the Places You'll Go... After I Kick Your Ass For Once Again Mispronouncing My Name. Other little know fact; I made that earlier little known fact up.
Say my name, bitch.

13 years: The Husband and I celebrated our 13 years of togetherness. Wow! I was a brat because we didn't got out for dinner. And I was very obnoxious. And yes, I know how lucky I am to have such a great man who still talks to me and doesn't want to smother me with a pillow every night. He got an apology e-mail this morning so all is fine. Until our wedding anniversary in January.

And so I come to the end of my very random post. I have a busy weekend planned. Tomorrow morning will be an early morning walk with my friend. At 9 I have a meeting. At 1 I am taking the Kid to an indoor playground and shoot me in the head. And in the evening I am going out for dinner. On Sunday we are having a couple of friends over for a late lunch and I will probably need another weekend after this one. Upcoming post: my re-cap of the Arnie classic; Jingle All the Way. Aren't y'all lucky!