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Sunday, 29 November 2015

Love Actually, Live Blogging

This is one of my favourite Christmas films of ALL TIME. I watch it every year and every year I cry and I cry. I figured that this time I would watch it and then comment on it in my blog because why not?

So here we go. Wine glass filled. Hit it!

Oh God. The start. I forgot. The airport. I'm going to cry. Stop it, Hugh Grant, stop it. Arrivals gate. Dammit!



Oh Thank God. Bill Nighy. Thank you.

Tee hee. British swearing. I love you Bill!

Come on and let it snow!! Hehehehe! Solid gold shit, maestro!

5 weeks until Christmas!

I love you Mr. Darcy! Stupid girlfriend. Stupid. Marry me Colin Firth! Stupid girlfriend.

Oh Liam Neeson. I want to hug you. I want to hug you so badly. And Emma Thompson! Love you! Tee hee. Nativity lobster!

Oh look a child bride. Hi Keira Knightley.

Hugh Grant actually trumps Justin Trudeau as prime minister. Hot. So hot. Bahahaha! "I had an uncle named Terence that I hated." Oooh! He is meeting Natalie. Adorable!

Keira Knightley kind of has a praying mantis thing happening. Sorry. Ooh, best wedding surprise ever! Her cardigan has feathers. It confuses me.

No Mr. Darcy! Don't go back home! Your brother is an ass! NOOOO!!

Bahaha. Colin cracks me up! "I'm going to America!"

That movie stand in couple are adorable!!! And look, boobs!

Oh no. The funeral. I am not ready for this. No. No. No. Sobbing.




Oh Sweet Jesus. No. I can't.

Ok, back at the wedding. I am ok. Just need a tissue. Hahahaha! Love the DJ!

Yeah! Alan Rickman. Your voice is butter. Complete butter. And what a boss. A little too involved in his employees' lives. Awww. Carl. Office crushes are the funniest!

And Carl is hot.

Bill Nighy! Britney Spears joke, still a fave!

4 Weeks Until Christmas!

Hugh Grant as prime minister. Still rawr.

Whoah! Nudity. Stand ins, fake sex scene.

Colin is going to Wisconsin. BAHAHAHA!

Don't be a douche Alan Rickman! Your assistant is hot, but you are married to Emma Thompson! EMMA THOMPSON!

Don't cry Liam Neeson. Because then I will cry and I will keep crying... Oh Emma Thomspon! Thank you for the joke.

Liam and the kid on the bench. I don't know about you guys, but I would kidnap that child and make him mine. Oh wait, then it would be like the film Taken starring... LIAM NEESON! Whoah. Mind blown.

Awww. He's in love. Dammit I want that little boy. Adorable. Don't tell my son.

Sarah and Carl sitting in a tree... but those phone calls.

Colin Firth, you won't be alone if you marry me!!

Awkward Hugh Grant is the best Hugh Grant of them all. Hahaha! "The Dodgy end!"  "Three illegitimate, but charming children". Bahahaha! "You know, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered." BAHAHAHA!

Liam Neeson and the kid are awesome. I'd kidnap Liam Neeson, too.

Bill Nighy on TV. "Don't buy drugs, become a pop star and they give you them to for free." BEST LINE EVER!

Ugh Keira Knightley. Whiny. Blech.

Close your legs personal assistant!! LEAVE ALAN RICKMAN ALONE! He's married!!

Love the house Colin Firth stays in in France. Yaay! Sweet Portuguese lady. If I can't have Colin Firth, she can have him because she's cute. I love Colin Firth speaking French. The land lady is feisty, too. "She doesn't speak French, just like you." Heh. Ahahaha, he's like an awkward dad while driving her home. Awesome!

Here comes the American president. Billy Bob. Heh. Sleeze.

Uh oh. Political discord. Don't go in there Natalie! DON'T GO IN THERE! NOOO! SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN THE PRESIDENT! DON'T BELIEVE IT HUGH!

Great speech coming up. Hugh Grant is sassy, and pissed that Billy Bob took his girl. Rah rah! England. I even tear up at this part. I even cried in that Dave film. Something about politicians who are good people gets me every single time. Heh. Emma Thompson as his sister is awesome!

Emma Thomspon talking about Joni Mitchell. Ugh.. You know what is going to happen soon. Brace yourself, Tova.

Yes, Hugh Grant dancing scene. AMAZING! Don't stop! Stupid assistant interrupting.

Colin Firth on his typewriter. So bohemian. The conversation the two have is awesome. OH NO! THE PAPERS IN THE LAKE! "I'm a total spaz if I don't go in too!" Heh. So cute! "It's my favourite time of day, driving you." Tears again. This movie!

Guy from the Walking Dead being surprised by Keira Knightley. Why is she 12? She breaks in, finds the tape, puts it on. Kind of pushy for a pre-teen. "I look quite pretty." blech. What is with the hair hangy things? Annoying. Oh now you figure it out! He is in love with you! Did you not notice the heavy breathing every time you touched him? Pretty obvious. Finish her like a zombie! Insufferable.

"Would we call her chubby?" love how Hugh Grant says this. Hate his other assistant. But come on now Hugh. Don't fire Natalie!

Hehehehe! Titanic. Love you Liam Neeson. And that KID!!

Forever alone, Hugh Grant. You shouldn't have gotten rid of Natalie.

Oh Colin Firth, follow your heart! Just don't introduce her to your brother.

Oh the Bill Nighy Christmas music video is everything!

"Ringo Starr even married a Bond Girl!" I just love Neeson and this kid together. Awww. He starts learning how to drum.

Uh oh. Company Christmas party. No Emma Thompson, don't look at Alan Rickman. Stop it, Alan! You are married to an award winning actress! STAHP! Yay! Carl and Sarah are dancing together!

I hate this next scene because I know what is going to happen and you so want them to get together and they won't but I like to believe that she talks to him in the New Year and explains her situation and he isn't a douche (don't be a douche, Carl). And he wants to meet her brother and he turns out to be a kind and wonderful person. I NEED A SEQUEL!

Dude, Alan Rickman! Your wife even warned you. Why? Stay away from Mia!

This is so heart breaking. Sarah and her brother in the institution. Now I am sobbing. Full out sobs.

Ugh, leave Alan Rickman alone, Mia. Oh yay! Rowan Atikinson! Love him.  270 pounds for that necklace? Is it real gold? And you haven't even slept with her yet Alan Rickman. Oh wait, this is so she sleeps with you. I see. This scene is epic with the wrapping. The rosebuds!

1 Week Until Christmas!

Heh. Colin has a backpack filled with condoms.

Oh, the stand in movie couple just made plans for a date. Adorable. And a lot of nudity.

Kid I want to kidnap is still hard at the drums and Liam Neeson looks like he wants to jump off a bridge.

Oh no, Emma Thompson sees the necklace in his pocket and assumes it is for her. Gearing myself up for all the bad feels. Ugh.

Aww. Mr. Darcy learning Portuguese. I know it is a film but how on Earth does he learn a language in like 2 weeks. I'm still conquering pig latin. And I started that in the 90's.

Colin has arrived in Milwaukee. Tells the taxi driver to take him to a bar. Any bar. I must try this one time. Wonder where I would end up? Probably dead, I would probably end up dead. January Jones is one of the bar ladies. She went from bar lady to Betty Draper. I hope her agent gets a large gift basket regularly.

Oh no. The present opening scene. No Emma Thompson. I'm going to sob. SOB, I TELL YOU! The Joni Mitchell CD. Not the necklace. I'm going to go into fetal position. Quite possibly the most heart wrenching 30 seconds ever. Emma Thompson is a genius. Gah. I just can't. SOBBING!

Aw Liam Neeson and the kid again. Talking about him and Claudia Schiffer and having sex in every room of the house "especially in your room." BAHAHAHA! (manic laughing through the tears).

Bill Nighy's song is number one. Love it.

Aww, the stand in couple have their first kiss. "All I want for Christmas, is you." Aww. So cute!

Mr. Darcy showing up for Christmas Eve and then leaves. "I hate Uncle Jamie!" Bahaha. At least he left the presents.

Man, why can't Sarah and Carl get together. Makes no sense at all. Gah!

Child bride and her new husband on the couch. Here comes the infamous card declaring scene. Man, this always gets me. Dammit. Crying again. And this is just going to be awkward next time they hang out.

Bill Nighy showing up at his manager's place. Besties. Dammit. I'm going to keep crying. "Come on, let's get pissed and watch porn." Laughing and crying. Snotty awful mess.

Hugh Grant go get her! Ringing all the doorbells. Such an awesome scene. Love his face when his driver starts singing. Bahahaha! And then, ugh, Mia. Homewrecker. And then Natalie's family, highlarious! The octopus in the middle. Heh.

The music is just awesome. Mr. Darcy in Marseille!

Hugh Grant bumping into Emma Thompson. Ugh. A tear or two from me. Yaaaay, here comes the little girl singing. The kid's crush. Love his little face when he gets jealous. I'm tearing up again.

Emma Thompson is so calm when she confronts Alan Rickman. Ugh. My heart is breaking. Crying.

Go get her, kid! Love this duo. Neeson and kid. GAH! Love it! Oh look, Claudia Schiffer! Tee hee.

Here comes the big declaration of love by Mr. Darcy, I am going to totally lose it again. I love this scene so so so very much. I'm getting dehydrated from all the crying, guys. Going to have to get some Gatorade. Starting to cry.

Ok, at the airport for the kid.

Back in Marseilles.

At the airport. The music and the little boy is running. Killing me!! Go get her!! UGH! Sobbing.

Mr. Darcy with an entourage. Highlarious but not stopping the tears.

Hahaha. Bill Nighy naked.

Oh the little boy got his first kiss. CRYING!

Mr. Darcy at the restaurant. I'm going to die. All the feels. SOBBING! That kiss. Full-body sobs. SOBBING...

1 month later

Airport arrivals:

First up Bill Nighy, greeting his manager. Adorable.

Next, Mr. Darcy with his Portuguese love. Her English is way too good after just a couple of months. They are greeted by the child bride, her husband and her possible future lover.

And then, Alan Rickman being greeted by his family. I still haven't figured out if she really is "Fine" or not. I like to think he just spent too much money on his assistant, nothing happened and he realized he was a total tool. I'm going to keep thinking that. In my happy place.

Kid sees his first love and look, Liam Neeson is with Claudia Schiffer! Yaay! Adorable!

Oh, and the stand in movie couple are engaged! Huzzah!

Colin is back and he brought Harriet and Denise Richards. Apparently all American women in this film wear jeans and very little else.

Here comes the prime minister and there goes Natalie jumping into his arms.

And then a montage of hugs at the arrivals. My last cry in this film. I am done, I am so freaking done. This film is my kryptonite. This pile of mush in flannel pj's needs to lie down and hug a teddy bear. Merry Christmas everybody. Going to have to sedate myself. ALL OF THE FEELS!

Thursday, 26 November 2015

My Early Christmukkah Miracle and Thanksgiving... 2 Years Later

If we are friends on Facebook, you would have seen my post about yesterday's phone call. The kindergarten called and the initial reaction is to vomitus alotus. Now, most parents go into minor cardiac arrest when the kindergarten calls. Most likely it means your kid has a fever or has stuck a marble up his nose which means you have to leave work in the middle of the day, whispering a bazillion apologies for God forbid having had that white wine that one night when you were ovulating, to rush out and pick up your child. No parent ever EVER EVER wants a middle of the day phone call from the place that is watching their kid. The Husband and I are especially sensitive due to the fact that at the old daycare, at least once a week we would get a phone call because the Kid was freaking out and they were ill equipped (read: incompetent) in dealing with him and one of us would have to drop everything and rush back to pick him up.

So yes. There was a phone call yesterday from the kindergarten. And they called to say that the Kid was for the first time ever, playing with the other kids. Not just judging them from afar. But actually, PLAYING WITH THEM. For, like an hour. The woman on the line was crying happily which made me bawl in deep sobs. I need some better mascara, guys. When I got home in the evening I looked at the Kid and I was like "DUDE! YOU ARE AWESOME!" and he just looked at me blankly and walked into my closet. You do you, buddy! YOU DO YOU!

This morning, I brought him to kindergarten and the woman who had called yesterday greeted us and then said "You want to see the pictures from yesterday? It was amazing!" and I couldn't think of the German translation for "Do Jews love a sale?!" so I just nodded and we sat down and she whipped out the camera and showed me the pictures... and before I continue... I need to go back to exactly two years ago, the night before Thanksgiving.

The Kid was almost three and the Kindergarten (the bad one) had been complaining about his behaviour for over 8 months. I had already received the infamous "Aspergers" letter diagnosis and I was a wreck. I had met with a couple of therapists and one American speech therapist had come highly recommended and we booked her to come to our apartment. I had to work late so the Husband was on duty. I texted the Husband just after 7 in the evening to ask how it had gone and he texted "It went well." and I was relieved. I headed home just after 8, the Kid was asleep, I made dinner and then the Husband and I sat down to eat. He then stopped eating and turned to me and said "Actually, she said we have a serious problem." and then I knew. I just knew. And I wanted to throw up. The next morning I headed to work and the therapist and I met around 10 at my work to discuss the night before. She pretty much told me that the Kid was severely autistic and that we would need to dedicate at least 40 hours a week of therapy  and that most likely he would never be functional and we should even consider a home for him. And I died. I literally died inside. I cried and cried and after my coffee, I had to go back to work. And I cried and cried and tried to work. Something that day, on that Thanksgiving two years ago, died inside of me. I finished work and I texted one of my dearest friends  (D.K.) and said "I need a drink" and bless her, in her fluish state said "I'll be there" and she was and for close to two hours I cried my eyes out and she listened. And I will always be grateful for that. After a few glasses of wine, I gathered my stuff and with a heavy heart, headed home to the Kid who was maybe never really going to be OK. I thanked The Nanny, closed the door after her and walked into the living room.... and there was my little boy. He turned to me and yelled "QUACK! QUACK!" which was in reference to the DVD "Mickey's Christmas" he had recently discovered and I nodded and put it on. I sat down beside him, cautiously. Then he started to laugh. I mean, just full out laugh. And I suddenly realized at that moment that we were stronger than a stupid diagnosis. We were going to do this and we were going to do it in style. And while that day might have been one of the worst days of my life, it turned out to be one of the turning points of my life.

And so, my dear friends and readers. Today I saw some pictures. I saw pictures of the Kid tickling other kids, hugging other kids, copying other kids and playing with other kids, smiling and engaged. I have no witty remark to throw out about this moment because today, that moment looking at those pictures, might have been one of the most incredible moments of my life. Whatever life throws at us, I know we will handle it with style. And I want to thank every single person who has ever written me, thought about us, prayed for us or even has liked one of my Facebook updates. It means everything to me and to him. I know that this one hour yesterday of him interacting does not eradicate the years of therapy and struggle we have before us, but it is, at this moment, everything. I don't know what else to say but that I am so thankful. And I am so happy. And so, on that note, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving because even if I am not American (but I did have an awesome meal with a friend, tonight), this Thanksgiving will always stay in memory as one of the best in my life.

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

A Royal Christmas - a Tova Re-cap

A big thank you to Lauren for helping me pick a Hallmark film to watch! I was leaning towards this one when I first spied the list and her vote helped sway me. So I sat down and watched a Royal Christmas and well, I wish I had been drinking because dear lord.

Starring Lacey Chabert or for my Mean Girls fans out there, Gretchen Wieners! And of course the THE SHE DON'T AGE BECAUSE SHE OBVIOUSLY BATHES IN THE BLOOD OF VIRGINS, Jane Seymour. We start off with some easy listening FM music and lots and lots of snow and pretty brownstone houses. We enter the small but charming apartment of Emily Taylor. The doorbell rings and she rushes to answer it playing the old "pretend I don't know who you are" game to the tall and handsome man standing at her door. Stupid game. Don't worry viewers, he isn't a psycho killer... he's he's he's her boyfriend. And he has an accent. Swoon. She has made him pancakes and he sits down and eats them and they are all blah blah love you blah blah. Her roommate rushes in because we need to meet the sassy friend. They finish breakfast and she talks about how she wants to be a fashion designer because of course she does.

She works in her father's shop which is a tailor shop and his last name is Taylor and come on now Hallmark writers! Care a little! Her dad is gruff but loveable. Boyfriend with the accent (his name is Leo, btw) comes in and dad makes a little jab like "Why you have no job yet, Leo?" and Emily is like "Daaaad, he just finished his MBA." Actually, dad has a point. It's like, December and Leo probably graduated back in May. Get off your ass, Leo. Then Leo says he need to meet Emily for dinner at Chez Henri or Louis or Emile or something. Back at her apartment, her friend is all "Oh no, public place might mean he wants to break up with you, but fancy French restaurant might mean he wants to propose!" Way to be helpful douche friend!

Emily shows up all nervous and they sit and drink wine and then Leo is like bum bum buuuuum "I have to tell you something." And she is like "Oh crap! You are married!" and he is like "Dayum, bitch, lemme finish." he doesn't but that would have been funny. He goes on "Actually, I am a prince. My name is Prince Leopold of the country of Cordonia." and she is like "What?!" and he shows her a picture of himself dressed like a Disney prince and she buys it.

Turns out Cordinia is a kingdom in the South of France. So, it's like Monaco then. Right? She is incredulous and can't believe he didn't tell her during the almost one year of them dating. And I can't believe she did not Google stalk the shit out of him when they started making out. I mean, come on now. Me thinks Emily knew. Player. So he invites her to his kingdom for Christmas because of course that is the best time to bring your piece of ass to meet the family. So she leaves widowed dad back in Philly and jets off to Cordinia/Monaco. They arrive after what must have been Philly to New York, New York to Paris, Paris to Cordinia and her hair is still all bouncey and stuff so I think they might have traveled first class. I was already to blast Hallmark's choice of "palace" for this film but they actually chose a decent place and turns out they filmed in Bucharest which is super awesome because I lived there in the 80's. Sure did not look like Cordinia back then. We are introduced to the queen before the prodigal son and his American girlfriend arrive and we find out that she is a bitch. But yet, the butler seems to be the only one who can kind of maybe boss her around and I am totally picking up on some sexual tension between the two. Naughty, Hallmark, naughty.

Of course the queen meets Emily and pretty much shreds her to pieces passively aggressively and straight up aggressively and I just want to start yelling RUN, BITCH, RUN!

The queen serves her haggis and the son kind of puts up with the emotional abuse his mother is doling out. Dysfunctional family. Good times. Emily and Leo are all kinds of cutesy lovesie gag me with a spoon. She is all wide eyed and sweet and making friends with the servants because she is a good person and blah blah blah. They head into town and for the first time she sees that Leo is kind of a big deal in his country. They meet an orphan selling Christmas trees and me thinks that there is some foreshadowing happening here. Nail biter. Back at the palace, a dinner is about to happen and Emily finally meets Natasha who turns out to be the one that the queen wanted her son to marry. Of course Natasha is a duchess and tall and rich and stuff but Leo is all like "Nah, that bitch? I want you, you trusting naive American." Like, really, did she not even look him up on Linkedin?

At the dinner Emily meets the Duke and Duchess of Surrey, the Count and Countess of Tesco, the Earl of Shortbread, etc. And it all goes disastrously wrong much to the amusement of the queen. Of course the queen is still conniving to get Natasha and Leo back together so she organizes a morning ride on horses and of course Philly Emily ends up hanging with the staff back at the palace and ends up having a blast. She is interrupted by one of the Baronesses (who is unable to conceive. This is important) from the night before and they become friends because Emily is just so gosh darn adorable! They head into town and they meet the orphan Poppy again and again, stay tuned for the foreshadowing. Leo the prince is busy on official duties with his mother: ground breaking ceremony, peace treaty signing, candle lighting in church. Emily of course takes this opportunity to have the butler teach her how to be a proper lady a la Pretty Woman. Uuuugghhh. And there's waltzing. Note to self: Still need to learn to do that! Need to find British butler to teach me.

Of course the queen has told Emily that she must wear the same dress she wore the year she got engaged and it turns out to be a horrendous Laura Ashley peach thing but remember, Emily Taylor is a tailor so let's Pretty in Pink this dress. And boom! Now it is the Christmas ball and Emily walks down the stairs in the dress but this time with applique and chiffon and I am hard pressed to believe that was the same damn dress. I think she might have gone to David's Bridal.

Foiled again, queen! Emily acts perfectly at the ball thanks to the kindly butler's tutoring earlier in the day. And oh yeah, the prince tells the butler he is going to propose to Emily after the ball. Oh and that orphan I mentioned, totally is going to get adopted by one of the noble families from the dinner. CALLED IT! Anyway, Natasha ends up stealing the prince for a dance and Emily heads to the kitchen to chat with the staff and then she teaches them how to make a hoagie because of course she does. The queen walks in and fires the two staff that Emily has befriended and pretty much says that Emily needs to know her place. Upset, Emily heads to her room to pack. Leo comes in and then proposes but Emily turns him down. The queen is listening at the door as she hears Leo say he will give up the crown for her but that just isn't good enough for Miss Emily. And wait a second, why the hell am I crying? DAMN YOU HALLMARK! And what is wrong with me?!?

The next morning Emily says good bye to the butler and the two now fired staff (Thanks a lot, American girl). The queen watches from the window. Leo stands at the car and says he loves her but Emily says she must go. Leo watches her leave and then the queen has a talk with the butler and realizes she was wrong and that Emily is the perfect woman to marry her son. She then calls in Leo and says that she had been in love with a commoner who called her "Izzy" (her name is Isadora. I'm guessing a traditional Cordinian name?) but she chose a royal instead. But now she wants her son to be happy and oh my God why am I crying again?!? She gives her blessing and her son heads out to get Emily. Then the queen and the butler are alone and she is all like "Call me Izzy like you used to." AND I KNEW IT! Poor guy had to watch this lady get married to another man and then have a kid with him all while being her servant. Dude, have some love for yourself.

Back in snowy Philly, Emily sighs and sews and then there is Leo, out on the street, looking sad. She heads outside and her dad and friend watch from the door and Leo proposes again and Emily says "But your mother...." and then Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman the queen gets out of the car and is all like "No, I'm down with this." and then Leo proposes and it is a happy moment and Yaay! And then we see Emily walk down the aisle and her father says "You will always be my princess." and now I am straight out bawling and I haven't had a drink. I need help. So there you have it. A Royal Christmas. Such utter but incredible and predictable crap. Oh and I deserve a medal for not using the term "fetch" once in this review. Good for you, Glenn Coco. Can't wait for the next film!

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Christmas Prep and Some of My Favourite Things

Crazy busy day at work today. And tomorrow more of the same! But at least I am starting to feel a little better. I'm even wearing my "Happy Hanukkah, Bitches!" sweater because awesome.

I also have the same style sweater that says "Brunch, Because Mimosas" Man, these sweaters make me so happy. I am ready for another quiet night at home. I might even get a chance to watch A Royal Christmas as was suggested by my friend over in Australia. It is a Hallmark Christmas film starring Jane Seymour and sounds like something I will adore in all its cheesy corniness. So stay tuned for that re-cap. I am slowly starting to get all the Christmas feels and it is only going to be heightened this Saturday when we decorate. Yaay!

As much as Halloween is everything to me, Christmas and Hanukkah are too.. Because PRESENTS! AND GLITTER! This year I am changing up our decorations. The last couple of years we have had a fake white Christmas tree. It was awesome in our old apartment, in our new apartment? Not so much. It looked sad last year. It looked out of place. It kind of looked like me back in the 90's in Moscow, hanging out in bars surrounded by Russian gazelle-like woman.

I decided a few weeks ago to order a new tree. A grand green tree. A tree that would be worthy of our beautiful apartment on Drasche Park. Go big or go home. I went big. I went 240 cm big. And well, it arrived. So this new tree is big. The box alone weighs over 30 pounds and my friend at work was kind enough to help me lug it back to my office from the post office. We got some looks because it kind of looked like we were transporting a body. Now, the next challenge is for me to get this kerblasted tree home. On Thursday I will enlist the same friend to help me bring it to a taxi so that I can bring it home. I don't need to tell you that this will no doubt be an adventure in itself. I also need to buy new lights and more bling for this monster of a tree. I CANNOT WAIT!

Moving on, here are some of my favourite things ever right now!

Dis Cup!

I bought this today and I while I shouldn't be spending money, I couldn't help myself. This cup screams Christmas! And has a handy lid to stop the rum fumes from escaping from my French vanilla roast. Win win!

Dese Slippers!

I am literally in love with Kik! Go ahead and judge me but the prices are amazing and every single time I step foot inside, I get something I don't need. But I needed these slippers and for 5.99 I have no regrets. They are so cozy and perfect. Like Christmas on my feet. Heart.

Viden Hair care products!

My talented friend L.G. designed these super awesome labels and and is producing this new line of hair care products. Her husband is a fabulous hair dresser/barber who owns the Nude chain as well as the very awesome new barber shop on Stumpergasse called Giller and Co. They did awesome at Feschmarkt the other weekend and I know why. I have the shampoo, conditioner and hair refresher and I now have a huge crush. The smell is out of this world and my hair is for the first time, in a very long time, shiny. If you want to buy these bad boys, visit the Nude salons in Vienna. Worth every cent!!

Bridget Jones.

Yeah, I know, pretty much everybody loves this film. But every year I watch it and I still adore it. She is the ultimate hero and everything I want in a romantic comedy. Favourite parts include; her speech at the book launch, the fight, and of course the ending. I just now how to get ready to watch Love, Actually which always reduces me to a puddle of tears every.single.time.

There is still so much to do with just a month left until Christmas Eve. I need to get my shopping done ASAP and I am usually so ahead of the game that I feel shame to be so far behind. Such shame. Also, as every year, I send out our annual Christmas letter/card. If you want one, please send me your home address. Last year's card was our faces imposed on the Kardashian-West family from their Vogue shoot.

Just wait for this year's card! So if you want one, PM me or e-mail me at If you think I have your address, you would be wrong. I once again forgot to store them properly last year so please re-send yours if you want some Christmas mail! I wish you all a fantastic evening and now I must go and watch a terrible made-for-tv film! Yaay! Bring it!

Monday, 23 November 2015

So Much and So Little

I'm back in the land of the living. Last week was terrible. Being so sick and unable to stay awake for more than 3 hours at one time was devastating. While I am still not back to my Sonic the Hedgehog super energy, I am definitely no longer battling chronic fatigue. I have so much to write about; Feschmarkt, a party, and of course the US Marine Ball. And tonight I can only write a little because I'm tired. Not tired, tired, but want to watch an episode of Ladies of London tired and then crawl into bed to read a book tired. A much more acceptable tired.

So the weekend before this most recent past weekend, I was at Feschmarkt helping out at the stand of The House of Canada. The Feschmarkt is a twice a year design/craft fair that takes places in the old factory of the Ottakringer brewery. The location is truly amazing; a huge and empty warehouse. It's like the stuff of nightmares but with the fun feeling of that place Kevin Bacon dances in in Footloose.

On Friday, around noon, I headed  to my friend's office so that we could go to the brewery together. We grabbed a taxi and made our way over full of excitement. We had some boxes of stuff and instead of walking the 3 flights of stairs to our stand, we took the elevator of death. It's an open air outside elevator that requires pulling down bars and pressing scary red buttons and I might have prayed a little as we rode up in it. We got the stand ready and in our matchy matchy red plaid shirts, waited for the clock to strike 2. We were ready for crowds. We were ready for people to be throwing money at us non-stop. We were ready for war.

Yeah, that didn't happen. In fact, nothing happened for a while, a good long while. We smiled at everybody and anybody and we might have scared them off with our wide eyes and wagging tails. People would walk up, take a look at the merchandise and then walk on. It was rough. Trying to ignore the fact that I was sick, I decided to get us some beer. A friend of mine had a stand in the next room over so I told her I would get her a beer too. I walked throughout the whole blasted warehouse and could not find a stand. I even asked a woman in a Ottakringer polo shirt and said "Bier? Wo?" and she shrugged and I laughed because how on Earth could it be so damn hard to find beer in a brewery. I kind of laughed. And then I didn't. Not cool, guys. Not cool. I did finally find a stand in the courtyard and I felt like high fiving the guy. Then I had the challenge of transporting three beers up the several flights of stairs in the warehouse. I totally earned that beer, by the way. We made a few more sales and we were kind of disheartened. The lovely lady with the stand next to us assured us that this was a slow day and it would pick up on Saturday. We nodded and smiled and pretended to ignore the fact that the plant guy across from us was selling like plants were the newest trend ever. Actually, they were pretty cool plants. But I don't like plants. They know what they did. I don't want to talk about it.

P.S. Office Twin. Remember when I told you that if you brought plants into our office I would cut you. And then you assured me you would take care of them and take them home with you? Yeah, you left them here. You will pay when you are back. Stupid plants. Anyway, around 9:30 I took off my hipster Kissinger glasses and put on heels and a dress and headed out into the drizzly night. I had been invited to a special party for the book industry and despite being cold and tired, I had to go because OH MY GOD A PARTY! It was at the Gartenbau Kino that I had no idea was more than a movie theater. Plus I had no idea how incredibly cool and 1960's the place is. I met my friend outside and we walked into the incredibly retro hall. And there was music from the 60's playing and I felt like I had walked onto a Mad Men set.

The party started at 10 and according to my friend, when a party starts at a certain time in Vienna, you never show up at that actual time which kind of blows my mind considering how incredibly punctual everybody is here. My mother is half German so I could have shot up heroin in front of her but if I was late? Death sentence. This is why I am always early. This is why I always bring something to read. As the time passed, the place filled up with writers and publishers and journalists and we drank gin and tonics and talked. The music switched to dancey stuff and we hit the dance floor. I also apparently know the words to a classic Italian song which makes no sense considering I don't speak Italian. But heh, osmosis? Or maybe gin? There were a lot of people and at one point I checked my phone and realized something terrible had just happened in Paris. It was time to call it a night. The next morning I woke up and donned plaid again and made my way back to Feschmarkt. My heart was heavy due to the attacks in Paris the night before and also due to the fact that I was exhausted. We sighed as we readied the stand and braced ourselves for the day. And well, what a difference a day makes! We really started to SELL SELL SELL! Our onesies were a HUGE hit! The maple syrup, too. Many many people chatted with us and it truly was a different crowd. We kept giggling every time we made a sale and suddenly Feschmarkt was back in our good books.

By 9 I had to head home. I slept 11 hours straight and that should have been a clear indication that I was truly ill. Sunday was a bit of a blur but we had another great day of selling products. By 7 I had to apologize to my lovely friend and take my leave. I don't even remember getting home but I woke up the next morning still wearing my plaid shirt and with the Kid head butting me. Blergh. That was the start of the week of blergh. So that was last weekend. It was definitely an interesting time and I think I learned a lot. I only wish that I had felt better. I also want to say thank you to everybody who dropped by to say hello. It was great to see some friendly faces and I apologize if it seemed that I was stoned. I wasn't. I was on Dayquil, which actually is kind of the same thing. I have so much more to write but as I said before, I be tired yo. I also had some white gl├╝hwein at a friend's earlier so I am all happy drowsy and smelling like cinnamon and a vineyard. Stay tuned for more blog posts this week and more stories and plans as well as  review on Viden hair products. My new favourite brand. I wish you all a fabulous Monday! Nighty night!