Adventures in Toddler Bedtime
Ah! Thursday! I heart Thursdays. It's like the pre-weekend and I feel much more at ease by this day. Today I have to start work at noon so I will have a couple of hours on my own at home. While it would be awesome to lounge around and watch Murder She Wrote, I have to unfortunately work on my ball dress, and, o.k, watch Murder She Wrote. I am currently skipping the gym so I can take care of my grey roots and get some exfoliating done (ball prep). Once the Kid wakes up, I will get him dressed, feed him a banana and take him to daycare. Then I have to run to the store and buy stuff for some crockpot curry (holla!) and then to the post office to pick up my ginormous H & M order that may or may not include two fake fur coats. The sales were amahzing and I've been watching too much of The Rachel Zoe Project.
Once I get home, I will throw the food into the crockpot and sew, sew, sew. Cinderelly. While I do that, I will be self-tanning and stabbing myself intermittently with a needle. Awesome.
But enough about that. Let's take about sleep, baby, Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things (uninterrupted sleep) and all the bad things (interrupted sleep) that may be. We have a 3 year old and for the most part, he is a pretty decent sleeper. When he was a newborn, we put him on a feeding and sleeping schedule that involved rotational shifts of every three hours. It worked out great. And by about 8 months, the Kid was sleeping at least 8-9 hours straight through the night. Eventually we got to 12 hours which involved fireworks (on mute) and ridiculously smug parents.
But every few months, the Kid goes through a phase. Our nightime routine is the routine of two working parents. I get home just before 6. Feed him dinner, give him a bath (not every night), play choo choo, watch some cartoons and then around 7:45 say "Time for bed!" He will tell us to turn off the TV, then will hug the Husband and say "Bye bye Daddy" and then I walk with him into his room and he then gives me a hug and says "Bye bye Mommy" and then I toss him into his crib and give him his milk feeling, well, smug.
At this point I go and finish making dinner for the Husband and me. And we whisper in hope that he will pass out in a few minutes. Lately, however, it is taking him over an hour to fall asleep. I think it is because with the lack of exercise he is getting at this time of the year, he slowly, once again, is turning into veal. He will babble to himself; fine. He will scream; not fine. He will bang toys; annoying. He will giggle uncontrollably; mother loving terrifying. When he giggles, I am convinced there is a ghost in his room. A child ghost. And there is nothing more terrifying than a child ghost. In films, where a group of idiots go into a haunted house and suddenly a disembodied child's voice starts singing, if I were in that group, I'd be like "nope" and run screaming from the house.
Now a female ghost from centuries past? Not a problem, I'd be all like "Let's get you out of that corset and into a wrap dress"... wow, tangent.
Anyway, the Kid last night was doing his normal routine of acting like a banshee so the Husband walked into the Kid's room and angrily whispered "SCHLAFEN! JETZT!" and then he looked into the crib and laughed and laughed. Our little Machiavelli had bitten into a glow stick and had made his crib look like a luminol crime scene. Of course I went running for the poison control number but before I could call, the Husband pointed out that there wasn't any glowing around his mouth, just a pattern of drops ALLOVER THE CRIB that looked like the crime scene investigation of Bob Crane..too soon? So I gave him another bottle of milk and threw out every damn glow stick in the apartment. At least he slept well. Siiiiigh. Happy Thursday!!
Once I get home, I will throw the food into the crockpot and sew, sew, sew. Cinderelly. While I do that, I will be self-tanning and stabbing myself intermittently with a needle. Awesome.
But enough about that. Let's take about sleep, baby, Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things (uninterrupted sleep) and all the bad things (interrupted sleep) that may be. We have a 3 year old and for the most part, he is a pretty decent sleeper. When he was a newborn, we put him on a feeding and sleeping schedule that involved rotational shifts of every three hours. It worked out great. And by about 8 months, the Kid was sleeping at least 8-9 hours straight through the night. Eventually we got to 12 hours which involved fireworks (on mute) and ridiculously smug parents.
But every few months, the Kid goes through a phase. Our nightime routine is the routine of two working parents. I get home just before 6. Feed him dinner, give him a bath (not every night), play choo choo, watch some cartoons and then around 7:45 say "Time for bed!" He will tell us to turn off the TV, then will hug the Husband and say "Bye bye Daddy" and then I walk with him into his room and he then gives me a hug and says "Bye bye Mommy" and then I toss him into his crib and give him his milk feeling, well, smug.
At this point I go and finish making dinner for the Husband and me. And we whisper in hope that he will pass out in a few minutes. Lately, however, it is taking him over an hour to fall asleep. I think it is because with the lack of exercise he is getting at this time of the year, he slowly, once again, is turning into veal. He will babble to himself; fine. He will scream; not fine. He will bang toys; annoying. He will giggle uncontrollably; mother loving terrifying. When he giggles, I am convinced there is a ghost in his room. A child ghost. And there is nothing more terrifying than a child ghost. In films, where a group of idiots go into a haunted house and suddenly a disembodied child's voice starts singing, if I were in that group, I'd be like "nope" and run screaming from the house.
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| You guys have fun. I will be at the Holiday Inn, watching Dr. Phil |
Now a female ghost from centuries past? Not a problem, I'd be all like "Let's get you out of that corset and into a wrap dress"... wow, tangent.
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| Let's get you a pashmina and some Tory Burch flats. |
Anyway, the Kid last night was doing his normal routine of acting like a banshee so the Husband walked into the Kid's room and angrily whispered "SCHLAFEN! JETZT!" and then he looked into the crib and laughed and laughed. Our little Machiavelli had bitten into a glow stick and had made his crib look like a luminol crime scene. Of course I went running for the poison control number but before I could call, the Husband pointed out that there wasn't any glowing around his mouth, just a pattern of drops ALLOVER THE CRIB that looked like the crime scene investigation of Bob Crane..too soon? So I gave him another bottle of milk and threw out every damn glow stick in the apartment. At least he slept well. Siiiiigh. Happy Thursday!!
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