Operation Tubetop

Yay! Halloween! One of the best days of the year! And I am super pumped because the Kid actually slept the whole night through which is a first in over a week so I actually got a good night's sleep! Hallelujah! Just another reason to celebrate! I walked into his room and yelled "Happy Halloween!" this morning and he yelled back "Di-di!" which is his way of telling me to change his damn diaper already. Tonight I am going to a friend's place for dinner and that to me is the perfect end to Halloween. It is the weirdest thing (and my friend feels the same way) but when I woke up this morning, I suddenly had this incredible Halloween spirit. It was like a little light went off and all things spooky hit me. I am so happy that I can truly feel like I am in the Halloween mood. Sure, our party was Halloween-riffic but I was really missing the "mood". And now I have it! The Nanny is off today so I will be picking up the Kid at daycare which is always awe

I've taken on a couple more people for my Pinterest virtual closets and I will be updating the current ones I have now for winter clothes. Let me know if you would be interested in having your very own virtual closet. I love to do this stuff! Just send me your size and location (so I can look up European shops or American ones). Also, if you have a special event, I can look for the perfect outfit, as well. I found out yesterday that I am officially employed. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for so long but now, finally, I am a full time employee. I kind of cried last night out of relief. I've been stressed but I don't think I really allowed myself to really feel it. Now that I have the financial security, I feel all sorts of calm. And I'm totally bringing my Nespresso machine into work next week. Kind of how I am feeling now. In other news, the Husband offered to take us (him and me) for a week-long trip to somewhere in the Spring to celebrate our 10 year

Who I aspire to be, but without the guns and alcohol dependency and failed relationships. I love hosting large parties and feeding all my guests. I think I might have been an Italian grandma in my past life. "Eat! Eat!" Food is love, my friends. I like to make sure that my guests get a little blottoed before eating my food because my food always tastes better after some booze. True story. Now, if you are hosting a large party (not dinner party), you don't have to be an idiot like me and make a ton of food. Finger foods are totally fine but just remember, if you are serving a lot of booze at a kid free event and people don't eat, house pets can end up impregnated. True story. I always overcook but I figure that too much food is better than too little food. Here are some tips for cooking for 30 people and of course, tips on how to be a chillaxed host with the most. And I'm not going to brag... oh yes, yes, I am, I am a chillaxed host. Plan, plan, plan : If

Yesterday I mentioned that I need to get back onto some good, clean eating. Emotional stress has led me to pack on the pounds and it doesn't feel good. But now that the Halloween party is vorbei, I am ready to detox, kind of. I wanted to go to the gym this morning but due to daylight savings time, the Kid was wide awake by the time I would have headed out so that was a no-go. Nobody with a toddler enjoys the seasonal time change... NOBODY! So here is a menu for this week. I can't wait to feel better and not graze all day long. It has been a rough month for my waistline and chins. Lunches and breakfasts will involve yoghurts and rice crackers. Monday: Soup and chicken fajita wrap Tuesday: Curry and rice Wednesday: Salad and chik patties with an English muffin Thursday: Dinner out Friday: French dip in the crockpot and salad Saturday: Crockpot thai curry Sunday: Veggie wrap from McDonalds I hope that I can hit the gym at least once this week. It's up to you Kid, m

What a party! It was such a blast and I truly enjoyed myself. Every year, on the morning of the party, I kind of have doubts. I think to myself "why do I do this?" and then, at the end of the evening, I sit on the sofa in post-party malaise and say to myself "I know why I do this". Halloween is one of my favourite holidays besides Jewish Christmas. Halloween is special for kids but I truly believe that it can be special for adults, too. One time a year we can dress up and be whoever we want to be. We can have fun and be a kid again. As adults, we have so much daily stress and so many fears; will our kids be o.k., will we lose our jobs, financial difficulties, high waisted panties... so I think it is pretty awesome that at this time of the year, we can fear something differentL; goblins, ghosts, witches. If just one time of the year we can let go of everything that consumes us negatively in our daily lives, then I say, sign me up! I know why I do this Halloween party

It's the morning of the party. No creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Except for me. There is a lot a lot a lot to do today and I can't get started on a lot of it until the Husband takes the Kid to the mother in law's. Yesterday I made an x-tra large lasagne, spinach dip and cupcakes. This morning I will prep the chicken fajitas and the Thai meatballs. In the afternoon, pizza and couscous with chickpeas and just before the party kicks off; the mac and cheese. I feel oddly calm about the food. The one thing that is getting me a little noivous is the decorating I have to complete and FIX. Yesterday was the day of the killer fog. It made a few taped up bats wither. They look like they have died up on the ceiling. The Husband was all like "actually, it looks pretty good. Maybe next time, double side them so they look more realistic." Thanks for the tip, now go pop a vein for the bathtub because your blood will look more realistic. Suggestions this late in the g

One more sleep and then it is party time! Today is a work holiday which is such a blessing because tomorrow is a public holiday and ergo, everything is closed in this town! So all food and drink and random stuff needs to be purchased today! It is going to be a busy busy day. The last couple of free days I have had off this month have been plagued with shitty things happening so I need today to be productive. I have a timed schedule that involves fake blood, laundry, cleaning, cooking and some more decorating. I haven't even touched the Kid's room yet but that will have to wait until he is en route to the Mother in Law's tomorrow morning. Last night was chill. I had ordered a season from the show Most Haunted. Man, I loved this show. When the Husband and I were living in Toronto, we would go out on a Saturday night, drink beers at our favourite pubs and then around 12, head home. We would stop at the Pizza Pizza on Queen street and order a large cheese pizza with jalapeno

Since we are still in October and I need to and have to get in the Halloween spirit, I thought I would write about 3 films I absolutely adored; one from my child hood and two from my teenage years. Yes, I loved all things witchy. Kind of still do. And so, join me once again for my half ass reviews on films from my past. Teen Witch Oh man did I love this film. I loved this film because it encompassed everything an 80s film should offer; an unpopular kid, an obnoxious sibling, bedrooms that should belong to an 8 year old and not a 16 year old, school dances and guys with thick and feathered hair. The story is about a nerdy unpopular girl named Louise Parker who has to, like, bike to school... ew. All Louise wants is to be popular and make out with the cutest guy at school. What Louise doesn't know is that she is a witch. A very very powerful witch stuck in suburbia. One night she stumbles upon a fortune teller's house and her fate is sealed. Suddenly she is all powerful and L

As I age, gracefully, thank you very much, I realize how very important good girlfriends are to my life. A good friend will want to see you succeed, know what you look like without make up (once or twice) and be in your corner no matter what. Good friendships are the key, at least to me, for dealing with crap that comes our way. I mentioned a while ago that I am always proud of my friends' successes, because, really, that is also a reflection on me. I want my friends to be happy because I have enough shit going on in my life. I jest, but happy friends make me happy because that is called friendship. What has been bothering me lately is the absolute Frau versus Frau in the world. We have become our very own worst enemies. So many comments on the interwebs has been giving me the angries lately. When did we become our very own enemy? Years ago it was RAH RAH I AM LADY, HEAR ME ROAR! Now, look at that cellulite ! Da hell happened? When did the sisterhood disappear and turn a generat

It has been such a busy couple of days. Work has been nuts and I had a meeting with another child therapist yesterday. The taxi ride there was fun. The taxi driver was outraged by the "letter" as well. I swear, this letter is getting me mileage and building me an army. The therapist's office is up in the vineyards, actually very close to my old alma mater high school. The taxi driver had never been up there and decided to trust his GPS or as they call it here, NAVI. Of course the NAVI is an asshole and took us into the actual vineyards where we got stuck. Luckily I had planned enough time to make it to the therapist's because when you live in Vienna, you have to account for a) traffic and b) getting stuck in vineyards. Does this look like a street to you, NAVI? I made it just in time, had a good chat and then headed to work. The day flew by! But I am so incredibly angry now. Last night, while we were at home, some douche stole my ceramic pumpkin from outside our

I love hosting parties. I'm not sure what drives me to do it but I get such satisfaction from making sure my guests are tipsy enough to enjoy my mediocre food. I have hosted so many parties in the past and now with having the Kid, I am just so grateful that at least I can still have our annual Halloween party. Number 8 baby! I was thinking about all the parties I have hosted in the past and decided to make a list. Baby showers: Sea Theme: I only knew the guest of honour. Was a little strange that nobody talked to me, in my apartment. But the decorations and food were awesome! Lord of the Rings: This was a lot of fun and I used a lot of green and fake foliage and I spray painted a few styrofoam rings just cause I could. 80's Yuppie Theme: Totally epic. I may or may not have made lines of white baby powder on mirrors as part of the decor. Yes! Dr. Zhivago: Such a great party! The only problem was I had been informed the day before that I was being terminated and the Hus

Yay! Saturday! Had a quick nap. Was needed but I wasn't happy about wasting the time. I have so many things to tape up still. This morning a removal service came and took some of our crap; old suitcases, bunny cage, kid bike seat and my old and loyal crosstrainer that has been in the Kid's room since he was born. When the two burly guys entered the living room, the Kid walked up to them and passed him his bottle of bubbles to blow and yelled at them "Blas!" which is "Blow". Apparently me spending 30 minutes blowing bubbles just before was not enough. My lips are cracked and I am so winded. They took out the crosstrainer and the Kid was kind of like this: I love clearing out stuff. Love it! Now we have some more room for the partay next Saturday. I am slowly getting pumped for it. This week will be so busy. Grocery lists have been printed and itemized and I also have finally decided on a party drink; Zombie Gut Punch. Cherry juice, blood orange juice,

Oh dear Lord it is Friday. What a week. What a WEEK! I thought I would write out this week's statistics this morning to put things in perspective. Visits to the gym: 0 Daycare runs: 3 Times I've said  I'm going to get them. And I am going to make them cry for mercy : 7 Crying fits: Too many to count Heels worn: 3 Halloween movies watched: 1 (I am so behind!) Pounds lost: 4 (let's not get too excited. I packed on some over the previous weekend) Bats stuck to ceiling: 15 (I am behind) Fake blood purchased: 4 Meters of tulle purchased: 8 Friends showing incredible support: So many and thank you thank you thank you Receiving letter saying your child shows signs of Aspergers: 1 Hours spent Googling Aspergers: Too many to count Visit with awesome child therapist: 1 Lungs I have coughed up: 1.5 Glasses of wine consumed: 4 (I'm working on it) Revisions of Halloween party menu: 5 (It's final now, will laminate it later) Moments spent thinking that no m

Yesterday I said I had to salvage October so I need to put myself into an ooky spooky mindset. I need to summon the ghosts of Halloween past and make this October an awesome one. With all the crap that has been a-happening, it is hard to really let my love of all things ghoulish bubble over. I may be filled with homicidal rage but that just isn't enough. So I am going to try really really hard. The first place to start, I think, is to think back on Halloweens past from my childhood, specifically all the different costumes I wore. Nostalgia, it's a good thing. Duesseldorf circa 1988 (aged 7): Oh how I wanted to be a witch. At the time I was reading a series of books about a teenage witch and a witch academy; "The Worst Witch". I loved these books. I wanted to be a witch so bad. I wanted to attend this academy. I loved the uniform. I used to sit in my Ikea closet and sit on a pile of pillows with a desk lamp shining light (fire death trap, right there) and read and r

First of all, thank you all for your awesome support, again. I'm in awe and I feel like this has been a pity-me couple of weeks and I don't want it to be because I am usually stronger than this. But the hits have just been coming. And it all just piles up but I know it will get better. October is one of my favourite months and I can't let October 2013 be a failure so I have 15 more days to make it awesome. I am going balls to the walls and recapturing this month and making it awesome. The list of "GAAAHS" is long and while I am still somewhat sick, I am ready to go out with a bang. The best part is that I know I will look back at this and laugh and twitch and who knows, maybe there is someone else who is going through what I am going through and my story can help. Or I can be a low rent chubby Erin Brokovich and fight the good fight against premature labelling. Yes? No? Yesterday I had a facial scheduled. After the initial drama of the morning, I considered ca

So here's a story. Let's say the day is, um, I don't know, today. You bring the Kid to daycare and you drop him off and you get handed a letter. Now you know, after the last conversation with the daycare, that you have to go to the diagnostic centre and get your kid analysed, and you've, like, told them you are seeing a child therapist to get a referral, seeing the child therapist, once again might I add. And that you will do what you can to label your child as soon as possible and then you leave the daycare and you start to read the letter. The letter contains about 4 paragraphs citing how screwed up your kid is because, you know, he looks up and stares at a plane overhead like 5 TIMES IN 2 HOURS. Or, he wipes his face with his arm because he has a cold. Or, or, or, he ignores the stranger who is analysing him for the very first time. The stranger who apparently is the in-house child specialist. And then you finish the letter and you get to the end and on the bottom le

Yesterday I took the day off. I figured if I was having the cold sweats while sitting still on the sofa, the rest of the day didn't bode well. I took the Kid to daycare (the Husband has a new project in the boonies for the next 6-8 weeks so I am on daycare duty which means he OWES ME BIG TIME). Anyway, I dropped the Kid off and then stumbled home. I re-read a pending blog post I wrote the night before while high on Nyquil and then posted it and then passed out for a couple of hours where I had dreams about those terrible posters for Nymphomaniac . Get out of my head Willem Dafoe! Surprisingly not on my creepy "I'd hit that" list. The list contains Eric Roberts but not Willem, never Willem. I woke up, ate a lot of carbs, then passed out again. I woke up again and ate more carbs and then passed out again. This is a sign that I am very sick. There are different levels of illness that the Husband has had the honour to experience. 1) The kvetch. This is where I mop

For the past couple of years, a friend and I have shared two magazine subscriptions. We do this to save the monies and since we live in Europe and get magazines from the U.S. of A, the prices are not cheap. She receives them first and passes them onto me. It works out great! We've been subscribing to Harper's Bazaar and Marie Claire for the past couple of years and it helps quell my need to purchase magazines at exorbitant prices. But, the other day, I passed by the magazine kiosk at work and decided to buy a magazine because I was feeling down. I looked at the various choices; Lena Dunham was on the cover of one (no thank you. She gives me the angries, long story), then there was a Cosmo (I do not need to please my man tonight, I am so very tired, thank you very much) and then that Oprah magazine which I just can't seem to make myself buy. And then I spotted the UK version of Good Housekeeping and I thought, meh, why the hell not. I cracked it open when I got hom

I've been up since 3:30. The Kid woke me up and wanted milk. It doesn't happen often, and we try to let him cry it out but it is impossible. He can kvetch non-stop for over an hour. It has this pitch that just sends shivers up and down your spine. Nails on a chalkboard, police siren, pain inducing wail that is too legit to quit. After I gave him the milk, I went back to bed and lo and behold I couldn't fall back asleep. I channel flipped until I came upon Match Point starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Scarlett Johanson. I saw this film years ago and absolutely loved it, and you know, I still think it is an awesome film. Thanks a lot good film, can't go back to sleep because of all the thinking. Thanks. Argh! After the film ended, I got out of bed and now, here I am at 6 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Dammit! Yesterday was a low key day. I'm under the weather because the Kid sneezed directly in my face on Thursday. I just hope it passes quickly. Yesterday morning I had