Why I'm Done With Most Fashion Magazines
For the past couple of years, a friend and I have shared two magazine subscriptions. We do this to save the monies and since we live in Europe and get magazines from the U.S. of A, the prices are not cheap. She receives them first and passes them onto me. It works out great! We've been subscribing to Harper's Bazaar and Marie Claire for the past couple of years and it helps quell my need to purchase magazines at exorbitant prices. But, the other day, I passed by the magazine kiosk at work and decided to buy a magazine because I was feeling down. I looked at the various choices; Lena Dunham was on the cover of one (no thank you. She gives me the angries, long story), then there was a Cosmo (I do not need to please my man tonight, I am so very tired, thank you very much) and then that Oprah magazine which I just can't seem to make myself buy. And then I spotted the UK version of Good Housekeeping and I thought, meh, why the hell not.
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I cracked it open when I got home and I was beyond impressed with the contents. Now, I have purchased Good Housekeeping in the past but only the December issues because nothing says Christmas quite like Christmas themed magazines. I love to look at the pictures of happy families; kids in bow ties (I'm coming for you this year, Kid) and attractive couples wearing nice clothes and sipping on eggnog and probably discussing the latest generic brands of Ambien and Xanax. Total bliss.
Sidenote to all Christmas themed magazine issues: I know you shoot these scenes in like, July, but please for the love of God, get Bob the Photoshop guy to edit out the colourful garden I can spy through the windows. I want to see a winter wonderland through those windows. Make it happen. I can only suspend my disbelief for so long. Thank you.
Anyway, I have to say that maybe I have gotten older, but a magazine like Good Housekeeping is some good stuff. And now, sadly, I am becoming critical of magazines like Marie Claire and Harper's Bazaar. And here's why:
1. Fashion. I love fashion. I truly do. I spend every weekday choosing what to wear and deciding which accessories match. However, I have less time due to the Kid because I have to spend a good 5 minutes checking to see if I have been dirty Sanchezed during the diaper change process. Also, our budget is no longer disposable and when I check out the pages of Marie Claire, I die a little inside when the cheapest thing is over 950 dollars. Yeah, not going to happen. Good Housekeeping, on the other hand, features awesomely priced clothes and costume jewelry. Love.
2. The advice pages. Marie Claire pretty much advises you to work 12 hour days and pay for facials that would probably be cheaper at a male strip club (sorry, I'm ill. I cannot control the dirty mind). They "feature" diets that they say they don't condone but you know what, they do. I'm sorry. I will not drink my own urine. Good Housekeeping suggests, gasp, washing your hands with soap more during flu season and reconnecting with old friends. That sounds a little more like me. But instead of just soap, I have several bottles of hand sanitizer strategically placed around the apartment.
3. Articles about women. OK, I like to read about successful female CEO's and how they try and balance work and homelife. But it all seems a little fakey fake. You know they hit the bottle every night and that their kids will grow up hating anything organic. Aaaand, I'm sorry Ms. Paltrow, when you say that you love that your kids have "normal" school holidays, please don't follow that up with "And then I hired a sushi chef to teach my kids how to make maki." You so loco. Good Housekeeping, however, features regular women with limited incomes and, that, I truly find admirable.
4. Recipes. Marie Claire and Harper's Bazaar recipes? Oh ahahaha. Nobody on staff cooks, or actually, nobody on staff eats. So recipes would truly be a waste of space and would take up valuable ad space. (Note to fashion designers: I am tired of spending 5 minutes wondering why a model forgot to wear her shirt but yet brought her purse. Me thinks the model may need rehab) Good Housekeeping and recipes? Yes! Yes yes yes!!!
So, yes, I have come to the conclusion that it is time to move on. But I realized last week that my decision to move on could affect my friend with whom I share the subscriptions with. We sat down and I went on a and on about how great Good Housekeeping is and she nodded and then our conversation kind of went like this:
Her: I didn't know how to break it to you, but I'm kind of done with Marie Claire and Harper's Bazaar.
Me: Oh My God!! Me too!
Her: Yeah, it's so formulaic.
Me: I know, and the prices of what they feature are insane. If I see "price upon request." one more time I will shove bamboo shoots up my fingernails.
Her: Oh I know! And that splurge versus steal. Yeah, even the "steal" is a splurge.
Me: Totally.
Her: And that one page dedicated to plus size fashion? Just lip service. They just throw it in but you know they don't really condone anything over a size 2.
Me: Preach it sister!
So yes, we have both reached adulthood. Soon after our confession, we started talking about the benefits of bran. And then I think we cried inside a little. But to be honest, there is no shame in moving on. There's nothing wrong with looking at girly magazines and oohing and aahing over Chanel and Gucci but you know what, I think it's time for me to start to ooh and aah over a new crockpot recipe and ways to jazz up my living room with affordably priced throws and not continue to read about some fabulous photo journalist who slathers Himalayan yak placenta on their faces every night. Nope, Andean yak placenta is good enough for this girl.
Bring on the affordable priced goods! I'm ready now!
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| This boxed wine is fantastic! |
Anyway, I have to say that maybe I have gotten older, but a magazine like Good Housekeeping is some good stuff. And now, sadly, I am becoming critical of magazines like Marie Claire and Harper's Bazaar. And here's why:
1. Fashion. I love fashion. I truly do. I spend every weekday choosing what to wear and deciding which accessories match. However, I have less time due to the Kid because I have to spend a good 5 minutes checking to see if I have been dirty Sanchezed during the diaper change process. Also, our budget is no longer disposable and when I check out the pages of Marie Claire, I die a little inside when the cheapest thing is over 950 dollars. Yeah, not going to happen. Good Housekeeping, on the other hand, features awesomely priced clothes and costume jewelry. Love.
2. The advice pages. Marie Claire pretty much advises you to work 12 hour days and pay for facials that would probably be cheaper at a male strip club (sorry, I'm ill. I cannot control the dirty mind). They "feature" diets that they say they don't condone but you know what, they do. I'm sorry. I will not drink my own urine. Good Housekeeping suggests, gasp, washing your hands with soap more during flu season and reconnecting with old friends. That sounds a little more like me. But instead of just soap, I have several bottles of hand sanitizer strategically placed around the apartment.
3. Articles about women. OK, I like to read about successful female CEO's and how they try and balance work and homelife. But it all seems a little fakey fake. You know they hit the bottle every night and that their kids will grow up hating anything organic. Aaaand, I'm sorry Ms. Paltrow, when you say that you love that your kids have "normal" school holidays, please don't follow that up with "And then I hired a sushi chef to teach my kids how to make maki." You so loco. Good Housekeeping, however, features regular women with limited incomes and, that, I truly find admirable.
4. Recipes. Marie Claire and Harper's Bazaar recipes? Oh ahahaha. Nobody on staff cooks, or actually, nobody on staff eats. So recipes would truly be a waste of space and would take up valuable ad space. (Note to fashion designers: I am tired of spending 5 minutes wondering why a model forgot to wear her shirt but yet brought her purse. Me thinks the model may need rehab) Good Housekeeping and recipes? Yes! Yes yes yes!!!
So, yes, I have come to the conclusion that it is time to move on. But I realized last week that my decision to move on could affect my friend with whom I share the subscriptions with. We sat down and I went on a and on about how great Good Housekeeping is and she nodded and then our conversation kind of went like this:
Her: I didn't know how to break it to you, but I'm kind of done with Marie Claire and Harper's Bazaar.
Me: Oh My God!! Me too!
Her: Yeah, it's so formulaic.
Me: I know, and the prices of what they feature are insane. If I see "price upon request." one more time I will shove bamboo shoots up my fingernails.
Her: Oh I know! And that splurge versus steal. Yeah, even the "steal" is a splurge.
Me: Totally.
Her: And that one page dedicated to plus size fashion? Just lip service. They just throw it in but you know they don't really condone anything over a size 2.
Me: Preach it sister!
So yes, we have both reached adulthood. Soon after our confession, we started talking about the benefits of bran. And then I think we cried inside a little. But to be honest, there is no shame in moving on. There's nothing wrong with looking at girly magazines and oohing and aahing over Chanel and Gucci but you know what, I think it's time for me to start to ooh and aah over a new crockpot recipe and ways to jazz up my living room with affordably priced throws and not continue to read about some fabulous photo journalist who slathers Himalayan yak placenta on their faces every night. Nope, Andean yak placenta is good enough for this girl.
Bring on the affordable priced goods! I'm ready now!
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