Being a Team and Keeping the Magic in your Relationship
Listen, it's hard to keep the magic in a marriage. I know. It gets even harder as the years go by and things like kids get added to the mix. Money seems tighter and sleep seems to be the more important activity after a long day of working and wrangling a kid. My days start at 5:20 and kind of go like this:
5:20- wake up, drink coffee and read gossip sites and write my blog with one eye open
5:55- head to the gym
6:35- back from the gym and quick shower
6:35-7:45- applying make up, getting dressed, getting the Kid dressed, running around making sure his crap is all packed up, feeding the Kid.
7:45-8:30- daycare run or straight to work
8:30-5:00- work
5:00-6:00- grocery shopping and if I am feeling entitled, a quick glass of wine at the cafe across the street
6:00-7:30- feed the Kid dinner, give him a bath (the Husband usually comes home around 6:45), read a book, watch cartoons with Kid and then throw him into his crib
7:30-7:40- nobody is allowed to talk to me
7:40-8:00- finish making dinner for the Husband and me
8:00-8:30- dinner with the Husband
8:30-9:30- watch TV and veg on the couch
9:30-10:00- bed
And we just have one kid. I'm lucky because I am able to go out once a week because the Husband is awesome. But in general, we have so little time to actually do something fun. Sure, we have a couple of hours to ourselves in the evening, but we are usually so tired that the idea of actually thinking seems like a dumb idea. That sentence makes no sense to me. I am very tired. Anyway, all I'm saying is that it is hard to "keep the magic alive" but you know what? It has to be done. Why does it have to be done? Because I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP IN TEN YEARS TIME AND THINK I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH A GLORIFIED ROOMMATE FOR 20 YEARS!
Having a child leads to a lot of stress. The first year with the Kid was easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl. The Husband and I had a routine. The Kid was a joy. Sleep routines were being established and the Kid wasn't mobile yet. Then I went back to work and the Kid started daycare and while it was a challenge, it wasn't so bad. Then we got to age 2 and the arguments escalated. The daycare started to annoy us (and they still do. For example, they now are telling us that he needs to start putting on his own shoes and that we need to stop giving him formula at home (you just so crossed the line there, daycare provider. My home, my choice)). The Husband and I bicker more because now is the time we are starting to discipline the Kid. I am a lot more relaxed about things while the Husband is not. I get toddler logic because that is my normal logic. Totally makes sense why the Kid wants to have all 4 pacifiers with him at all times. Have you seen my shoe collection? The Kid's logic makes the Husband twitchy which leads to him getting annoyed and lecturing in German which IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. German always sounds a little angry and when a German speaker is angry, you might as well rat out Ann Frank in the attic. Sweet mother of mercy, I hate angry German. So I get all Mama bear when the Husband is angry at the Kid in German and then the Husband gets annoyed with me for getting angry and it just leads to stupid arguments. My lesson, I need to sometimes step back and let the Husband do his thing. But it is so very damn hard... but I am getting a little tired of gathering up the silver every time the Kid gets in trouble. And I also feel like I need to be clear here... the Husband is an incredible father and not a yeller, he just doesn't understand 2 year old thought processes, which means he doesn't understand mine. All I am trying to say is that German can be a scary language.
So, anyway, what I am trying to say is that even the most relaxed and happy relationships can go through strains and growing pains. And that is ok. The danger lies in letting that build up until there is so much resentment that someone's going to bail. And so, that is why it is so important to try and reconnect once in a while. I have mentioned date nights in the past and how important I think they are to a relationship. And if you can't have consistent date nights (we don't because it is expensive but boy do we try!), try and plan for a special occasion in the future.
Last night was our 12 year dating anniversary. I like that we still celebrate this date. I get presents. The Husband made a reservation as a surprise. I am such a planner so this drives me crazy... in a good way. We met in the centre and ended up going to Da Capo which was AMAHZING! And the AMAHZING thing was, was that the Husband didn't even know that I had always wanted to go there. AMAHZING! We sat down, ordered some wine and food and then we started talking about the Kid and issues at the daycare and suddenly I was like "STOP! What are we doing?! Let's talk about something else!" and I was right. We had to talk about something else because as much as the Kid is the end all and be all in my world, sometimes I need to focus on something else and that is ok. It is so easy to get wrapped up in your kid, and that is a good thing, but it is also important to focus on other things. You are allowed to. You don't have to be "Mommy" 24 hours a day. Take a little break, it feels good. After dinner, we went for a couple of cocktails and then we were home by 9:30. We were both exhausted but it was a good thing. By being "just a couple" sometimes helps you be better parents. It is so easy to turn against each other and that is dangerous. We have to be a team and sometimes we need to have a team meeting, a team meeting with candlelight and wine.
And so, as the year comes to an end, I believe my resolution is to reinforce my belief that we are a team, the Husband and I, and that we both need to continue to make effort to keep the magic alive. It ain't going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
Stay tuned for fun and cheap date night ideas...
5:20- wake up, drink coffee and read gossip sites and write my blog with one eye open
5:55- head to the gym
6:35- back from the gym and quick shower
6:35-7:45- applying make up, getting dressed, getting the Kid dressed, running around making sure his crap is all packed up, feeding the Kid.
7:45-8:30- daycare run or straight to work
8:30-5:00- work
5:00-6:00- grocery shopping and if I am feeling entitled, a quick glass of wine at the cafe across the street
6:00-7:30- feed the Kid dinner, give him a bath (the Husband usually comes home around 6:45), read a book, watch cartoons with Kid and then throw him into his crib
7:30-7:40- nobody is allowed to talk to me
7:40-8:00- finish making dinner for the Husband and me
8:00-8:30- dinner with the Husband
8:30-9:30- watch TV and veg on the couch
9:30-10:00- bed
And we just have one kid. I'm lucky because I am able to go out once a week because the Husband is awesome. But in general, we have so little time to actually do something fun. Sure, we have a couple of hours to ourselves in the evening, but we are usually so tired that the idea of actually thinking seems like a dumb idea. That sentence makes no sense to me. I am very tired. Anyway, all I'm saying is that it is hard to "keep the magic alive" but you know what? It has to be done. Why does it have to be done? Because I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP IN TEN YEARS TIME AND THINK I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH A GLORIFIED ROOMMATE FOR 20 YEARS!
Having a child leads to a lot of stress. The first year with the Kid was easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl. The Husband and I had a routine. The Kid was a joy. Sleep routines were being established and the Kid wasn't mobile yet. Then I went back to work and the Kid started daycare and while it was a challenge, it wasn't so bad. Then we got to age 2 and the arguments escalated. The daycare started to annoy us (and they still do. For example, they now are telling us that he needs to start putting on his own shoes and that we need to stop giving him formula at home (you just so crossed the line there, daycare provider. My home, my choice)). The Husband and I bicker more because now is the time we are starting to discipline the Kid. I am a lot more relaxed about things while the Husband is not. I get toddler logic because that is my normal logic. Totally makes sense why the Kid wants to have all 4 pacifiers with him at all times. Have you seen my shoe collection? The Kid's logic makes the Husband twitchy which leads to him getting annoyed and lecturing in German which IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. German always sounds a little angry and when a German speaker is angry, you might as well rat out Ann Frank in the attic. Sweet mother of mercy, I hate angry German. So I get all Mama bear when the Husband is angry at the Kid in German and then the Husband gets annoyed with me for getting angry and it just leads to stupid arguments. My lesson, I need to sometimes step back and let the Husband do his thing. But it is so very damn hard... but I am getting a little tired of gathering up the silver every time the Kid gets in trouble. And I also feel like I need to be clear here... the Husband is an incredible father and not a yeller, he just doesn't understand 2 year old thought processes, which means he doesn't understand mine. All I am trying to say is that German can be a scary language.
So, anyway, what I am trying to say is that even the most relaxed and happy relationships can go through strains and growing pains. And that is ok. The danger lies in letting that build up until there is so much resentment that someone's going to bail. And so, that is why it is so important to try and reconnect once in a while. I have mentioned date nights in the past and how important I think they are to a relationship. And if you can't have consistent date nights (we don't because it is expensive but boy do we try!), try and plan for a special occasion in the future.
Last night was our 12 year dating anniversary. I like that we still celebrate this date. I get presents. The Husband made a reservation as a surprise. I am such a planner so this drives me crazy... in a good way. We met in the centre and ended up going to Da Capo which was AMAHZING! And the AMAHZING thing was, was that the Husband didn't even know that I had always wanted to go there. AMAHZING! We sat down, ordered some wine and food and then we started talking about the Kid and issues at the daycare and suddenly I was like "STOP! What are we doing?! Let's talk about something else!" and I was right. We had to talk about something else because as much as the Kid is the end all and be all in my world, sometimes I need to focus on something else and that is ok. It is so easy to get wrapped up in your kid, and that is a good thing, but it is also important to focus on other things. You are allowed to. You don't have to be "Mommy" 24 hours a day. Take a little break, it feels good. After dinner, we went for a couple of cocktails and then we were home by 9:30. We were both exhausted but it was a good thing. By being "just a couple" sometimes helps you be better parents. It is so easy to turn against each other and that is dangerous. We have to be a team and sometimes we need to have a team meeting, a team meeting with candlelight and wine.
And so, as the year comes to an end, I believe my resolution is to reinforce my belief that we are a team, the Husband and I, and that we both need to continue to make effort to keep the magic alive. It ain't going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
Stay tuned for fun and cheap date night ideas...
Comments
Post a Comment