A Foray into Home Waxing


My friends rave about getting their bodies waxed. By a professional.. well, I thought, I too can get waxed, for cheaper! Ha ha! I am so clever! To the drug store! To purchase no name wax strips! I wish future me would have slapped me upside the head and hit me with a shoe. I’m not a very hairy person, I am, however, fluffy, goose downy if you will. I have just ensured that any male who reads this will never ever find me attractive ever.

So I bought a kit (the no name brand because saving a Euro is a Euro saved. I am so dumb). Drank a couple of Operation Tubetop cocktails and bared my leg with the Husband watching me in confusion. “You have no hair on your legs? What are you waxing?” I told him to shut it and proceeded to warm the wax between my hands, place it on the front of my calf and with a mighty heave ho.. Son of a bitch! I think I took skin off! Actually, I know for sure I took skin off because where the strip was is now a white square while the rest of my leg is self-tanned orange/brown. I AM SO DUMB! I proceeded to spend the rest of the night waxing skin to try and even out the skin tone. Intermittently I waxed the husband’s back because I am too young and pretty to be married to a Yeti.

 The end

Rule 1: Do not home wax

Ruler 2: Especially when you have self-tanner on. I look like a Snooki inspired Dalmatian

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