And so it begins (6 weeks ago)

Ok. I’ll admit it. I’m vain. I always have been and I might always be. But that doesn’t make me a bad person, does it? Listen, I’m short, I’ve always struggled with my weight and I am not classically beautiful. Even at my highest weight I never heard “You have such a pretty face.” Honestly? I would have killed for that. To tell you the truth, I have never been called beautiful without prompting. “SAY I’M BEAUTIFUL MR. BARTENDER AND I’LL LET GO OF YOUR NETHER REGIONS!!!” Low self-esteem? Oh yes. But to a point. I’ve got some good things going for me. I have a husband who is my rock, who adores me and loves me (excuse the Bridget Jones theft) just the way I am. I’m a good mother. Well, most of the times. There was that one afternoon when my kid was kvetching and I told him to man up and didn’t realise he had bitten his lip because he can’t talk yet and there was blood all over his chin and sob. But really, I am a good mother and the little gimp is my life. And I am a good friend. I am loyal. I would give anyone the H&M shirt off my back. I’m witty. I’m a fast learner. I’m not obviously shy (but inside I die a small death when I have to be social with people I don’t know). I usually cover it by being widely inappropriate or guzzling wine which often leads me to be even more inappropriate.


I grew up as a diplobrat. Travelled the world. Had my heart broken. Danced on bars. Missed subway bombings by minutes. Kidnapped by gypsies for an afternoon. Dropped out of university because it got in the way of my social life. Believed I was a man-eater but was really just a young and confused harpy. Bounced from job to job. Met the man I would marry at 20 and married him at 22. Moved to Europe at 23 and now at 31 look at my pretty awesome life and think “Wow, I’m not that pretty”. This is the point that friends and family would like to hit me upside the head. But there is nothing anyone can say to make me change my mind. This is vanity and it is haunting me.


Go see a shrink? Are you kidding me? I live in Vienna. Freud’s grandson would have me committed. No, I’m just your average woman with hang ups. So what’s the plan? Well, Operation Tubetop. I’ve been thinking about this for years and I guess now is the time for me to be a vain witch and transform myself. I’ve lost a lot weight since giving birth to the kid but I have another 20 pounds or so to go. Summer is coming fast and this year I would like my milkshake to bring all the boys to the yard.


So here it is, my story. No surgery involved but definitely some sweat and tears.. And maybe blood if the kid bites his lip again.

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