The Colosseum and Being a Bad Wife
Sup sup? Today is our second and last full day in Rome. Depending on how the Husband feels, we will be hitting the Vatican this morning, doing the robot dance in St. Peter's square and then heading back for a midday swim. It looks like the afternoon will just be con (that's Italian for "with" because I am exotic now and place Italian words into my regular speech like all the long term expats do) me because yesterday, the Husband did not do well... and I will get back to that in a bit. First, to the COLOSSEUM!
So after much debate and several e-mails, I finally booked the private tour. Our meet up time was 8:30 and we took a taxi because Map Master (the Husband's map reading skills have disappeared in Rome) is on a break. We showed up at the Arco di Constantino and I won't lie, I was a little noivous that we might be scammed. And I say "we" because the Husband doesn't read this blog. A couple came up to us and were like "Is this where we meet the tour guides?" and I responded with "I hope so!" and they were from Boulder, Colorado and apparently they were supposed to meet their guide at 7:30 and already an hour had passed. I felt bad for them and my heart rate started to speed up. But right on the dot, our guide Claudia showed up with a tablet showing my name. I SHALL NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS! We shook hands and the three of us made our way to the Colosseum which already, just seeing it from the outside, was giving me all sorts of the feels. Good feels.
We got into the special line and I restrained myself from going "Ha! Look at us! We are so special with our private tour guide!" but I didn't because I am a good person and as my therapist once said, "Thoughts are not things." Best.advice.ever. We went through the security check and ticket control and I was already mesmerized with the hallways. Claudia told us that 27,000 people visit the Colosseum daily! DAILY?!? WHAT?!? That is insane. She also told us that the owner of Geox has given 25 million euros to help restore it. Apparently this is a thing: private funding. Fendi is renovating the Trevi Fountain and Bulgari's got the Spanish steps. Hmmm. I should fund something. Maybe an ubahn seat? A famous wuerstelstand? Maybe a Spar? So many choices. Anyway, we walked into the arena and my mind was blown. Like full out surreal I cannot believe this is my life right now mind blown. We spent over an hour walking around it and listening to facts. So many many facts. Here are some of them (and small tip if you ever go on a guided tour of the Colosseum, you should probably refrain from saying "But in the film Gladiator..." No bueno) also, the words in italics are my jokes in response. Barely got a smile. Tough crowd:
- The actual arena floor was made of wood and covered in sand. But in the film Gladiator...
- The Colosseum sat up to 70,000 people.
- There were 80 trap doors manned by slaves so that at any time, a prop, animal or gladiator would pop up. That is incredibly terrifying.
- Gladiators had a life expectancy of 5 years once entering Gladiator school. They should look into union rules.
- The thumbs up and thumbs down thing has never been proven to be true. But in the film Gladiator...
- Entrance to the Colosseum was free. It was intended to keep the plebeians happy. Also, food and wine were free. Women weren't allowed wine. Well, that's dumb. How else are we supposed to sleep with our husb... Cough. Never mind.
There were so many facts to process. I did walk away with the profound feeling that Romans were all kinds of crazy. So much death.
After 90 minutes, we left the Colosseum and entered the sunshine. It had rained a little bit and it was still pretty humid. And like the dumbasses we are, we didn't bring any water. And the Husband didn't wear a hat (this is important later). We crossed the street and headed to the Palatine. Here were the ruins of the imperial palace. We walked up the hill and Claudia pointed out pine nuts on the ground in their shells. Had it not been 35 degrees at 10 in the morning, I would have turned into a rabid squirrel and would have foraged for ALL THE PINE NUTS. We climbed a hill and at the top, saw the stadium of the palace. There was little wind and I was schweating. Claudia pointed out a water fountain and the Husband and I awkwardly drank from the tap. She showed us the ruins of an old dining room and pointed out the last remnants of a beautiful marble floor (so would do that in our bathroom if I could). Then we headed down the hill towards the Roman forum. At this point I wanted to ask about Caesar but due to the heat and exhaustion, I hit the dumbs. For the life of me I could not remember whether Caesar was Greek or Roman and all I could think of was Little Caesar's pizza and how that was "Italian" and so ergo he would have to be Roman and yet I am getting a Greek vibe with the paintings of him in a toga and OMG! IT IS SO HOT OUT AND WHY AM I SO DUMB?!
We entered the Roman Forum and it was quite spectacular. Like, quit my job and become an archaeologist spectacular. She showed us the temples and explained that one temple was still "standing" because a church was built within it and that afforded it protection from plundering. And then she mentioned Caesar and that was a relief. Not so dumb after all, amirite? Then Claudia mentioned the different famous Italian families and I said "And the Borgheses?" at the end of her list and she responded with "Yes, they were a famous family, too." I gave a smug smirk. And the only reason I know this is from the Bachelor and I am not proud.
We rounded out our three hour tour with a view of the whole forum. It was a great 3 hours and I highly highly recommend Rome Private Guides and ask for Claudia. Lady knows her stuff.
The Husband and I were absolutely parched and definitely slightly smug with all of our new knowledge about the Romans. We crossed the street in the manner keeping with being in Rome: in sheer and utter terror and bought a couple of bottles of water and sucked them down. We decided to walk a little bit more and then realized that we were done for the morning. We had no more life to give. We hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel for some pool time. We laid down and relaxed and then decided to have some lunch at the pool. Just before the food arrived, the Husband suddenly looked very ill. He was shaking and sweating and I asked him what was wrong. He said it was the heat and I told him to go into the pool and cool down. He came back a few minutes later and said he still wasn't feeling great. He didn't even drink his beer which sent me into a slight panic. We signed for lunch and swam a little more and then headed back to the room so that he could lie down. A few hours later he seemed to be doing a little better so we got changed and headed into town to check out the Spanish steps. It was still ridiculously hot and it was crowded and I suggested we find a place to sit down for drinks before dinner. The minute we sat down, I noticed the Husband was shaking and sweating again. I knocked back my wine and we hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel.
I won't lie, while I was worried about him, I was also disappointed. This was supposed to be our big trip! And well, Rome has been my dream destination for like forever and of course this is all about me. And yes, I totally cried. We went back to the room and the Husband sat down on the bed and I was all stroppy and obnoxious saying stuff "I told you to drink water and to wear a hat!" or "THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOST AMAZING TRIP!!" and yes, I was being a total brat. There were tears on my side and I told him I would go out for dinner alone since he said he would order something from room service. I stomped out of the hotel with no clue where I would go. Our hotel is awesome but we are kind of up on a hill with not much around. But I was lucky and I found a pizzeria around the corner. I asked for a table for uno and I held back tears and ordered Pinot Grigio, bruschetta and then a Buffalo mozzarella pizza. I felt ridiculously sorry for myself and I took deep sips until my attention was drawn to the large table to my right; a group of 4 Italians and 4 Americans from New Jersey. I hadn't noticed them at first because I was busy being a bratty self-pitying diva and then suddenly it was impossible to ignore them.
I literally hit eavesdropping gold. I don't have time to write out the conversation tonight so stay tuned for all of the wtf's and say what now gurl? But I just have to say it was pretty epic. The good news is that that cheered me right up and the Husband is doing much better today so yeah. And yes, the phrase "You should wear a hat this morning." has been filed in the archives under "Tova was right" which you can find right beside "Things that annoy Tova; A is apple pie (I hate apple pie), B is for bras that hurt, C is for Crocs, D is for douches, etc." Anyway, this trip can still be salvaged! Tomorrow's post will talk about the fun things we saw today and one insane taxi ride and so on and so forth! Buona Sera! Last night in Rome! Let's make it amazing!
So after much debate and several e-mails, I finally booked the private tour. Our meet up time was 8:30 and we took a taxi because Map Master (the Husband's map reading skills have disappeared in Rome) is on a break. We showed up at the Arco di Constantino and I won't lie, I was a little noivous that we might be scammed. And I say "we" because the Husband doesn't read this blog. A couple came up to us and were like "Is this where we meet the tour guides?" and I responded with "I hope so!" and they were from Boulder, Colorado and apparently they were supposed to meet their guide at 7:30 and already an hour had passed. I felt bad for them and my heart rate started to speed up. But right on the dot, our guide Claudia showed up with a tablet showing my name. I SHALL NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS! We shook hands and the three of us made our way to the Colosseum which already, just seeing it from the outside, was giving me all sorts of the feels. Good feels.
We got into the special line and I restrained myself from going "Ha! Look at us! We are so special with our private tour guide!" but I didn't because I am a good person and as my therapist once said, "Thoughts are not things." Best.advice.ever. We went through the security check and ticket control and I was already mesmerized with the hallways. Claudia told us that 27,000 people visit the Colosseum daily! DAILY?!? WHAT?!? That is insane. She also told us that the owner of Geox has given 25 million euros to help restore it. Apparently this is a thing: private funding. Fendi is renovating the Trevi Fountain and Bulgari's got the Spanish steps. Hmmm. I should fund something. Maybe an ubahn seat? A famous wuerstelstand? Maybe a Spar? So many choices. Anyway, we walked into the arena and my mind was blown. Like full out surreal I cannot believe this is my life right now mind blown. We spent over an hour walking around it and listening to facts. So many many facts. Here are some of them (and small tip if you ever go on a guided tour of the Colosseum, you should probably refrain from saying "But in the film Gladiator..." No bueno) also, the words in italics are my jokes in response. Barely got a smile. Tough crowd:
- The actual arena floor was made of wood and covered in sand. But in the film Gladiator...
- The Colosseum sat up to 70,000 people.
- There were 80 trap doors manned by slaves so that at any time, a prop, animal or gladiator would pop up. That is incredibly terrifying.
- Gladiators had a life expectancy of 5 years once entering Gladiator school. They should look into union rules.
- The thumbs up and thumbs down thing has never been proven to be true. But in the film Gladiator...
- Entrance to the Colosseum was free. It was intended to keep the plebeians happy. Also, food and wine were free. Women weren't allowed wine. Well, that's dumb. How else are we supposed to sleep with our husb... Cough. Never mind.
There were so many facts to process. I did walk away with the profound feeling that Romans were all kinds of crazy. So much death.
After 90 minutes, we left the Colosseum and entered the sunshine. It had rained a little bit and it was still pretty humid. And like the dumbasses we are, we didn't bring any water. And the Husband didn't wear a hat (this is important later). We crossed the street and headed to the Palatine. Here were the ruins of the imperial palace. We walked up the hill and Claudia pointed out pine nuts on the ground in their shells. Had it not been 35 degrees at 10 in the morning, I would have turned into a rabid squirrel and would have foraged for ALL THE PINE NUTS. We climbed a hill and at the top, saw the stadium of the palace. There was little wind and I was schweating. Claudia pointed out a water fountain and the Husband and I awkwardly drank from the tap. She showed us the ruins of an old dining room and pointed out the last remnants of a beautiful marble floor (so would do that in our bathroom if I could). Then we headed down the hill towards the Roman forum. At this point I wanted to ask about Caesar but due to the heat and exhaustion, I hit the dumbs. For the life of me I could not remember whether Caesar was Greek or Roman and all I could think of was Little Caesar's pizza and how that was "Italian" and so ergo he would have to be Roman and yet I am getting a Greek vibe with the paintings of him in a toga and OMG! IT IS SO HOT OUT AND WHY AM I SO DUMB?!
We entered the Roman Forum and it was quite spectacular. Like, quit my job and become an archaeologist spectacular. She showed us the temples and explained that one temple was still "standing" because a church was built within it and that afforded it protection from plundering. And then she mentioned Caesar and that was a relief. Not so dumb after all, amirite? Then Claudia mentioned the different famous Italian families and I said "And the Borgheses?" at the end of her list and she responded with "Yes, they were a famous family, too." I gave a smug smirk. And the only reason I know this is from the Bachelor and I am not proud.
We rounded out our three hour tour with a view of the whole forum. It was a great 3 hours and I highly highly recommend Rome Private Guides and ask for Claudia. Lady knows her stuff.
The Husband and I were absolutely parched and definitely slightly smug with all of our new knowledge about the Romans. We crossed the street in the manner keeping with being in Rome: in sheer and utter terror and bought a couple of bottles of water and sucked them down. We decided to walk a little bit more and then realized that we were done for the morning. We had no more life to give. We hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel for some pool time. We laid down and relaxed and then decided to have some lunch at the pool. Just before the food arrived, the Husband suddenly looked very ill. He was shaking and sweating and I asked him what was wrong. He said it was the heat and I told him to go into the pool and cool down. He came back a few minutes later and said he still wasn't feeling great. He didn't even drink his beer which sent me into a slight panic. We signed for lunch and swam a little more and then headed back to the room so that he could lie down. A few hours later he seemed to be doing a little better so we got changed and headed into town to check out the Spanish steps. It was still ridiculously hot and it was crowded and I suggested we find a place to sit down for drinks before dinner. The minute we sat down, I noticed the Husband was shaking and sweating again. I knocked back my wine and we hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel.
I won't lie, while I was worried about him, I was also disappointed. This was supposed to be our big trip! And well, Rome has been my dream destination for like forever and of course this is all about me. And yes, I totally cried. We went back to the room and the Husband sat down on the bed and I was all stroppy and obnoxious saying stuff "I told you to drink water and to wear a hat!" or "THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOST AMAZING TRIP!!" and yes, I was being a total brat. There were tears on my side and I told him I would go out for dinner alone since he said he would order something from room service. I stomped out of the hotel with no clue where I would go. Our hotel is awesome but we are kind of up on a hill with not much around. But I was lucky and I found a pizzeria around the corner. I asked for a table for uno and I held back tears and ordered Pinot Grigio, bruschetta and then a Buffalo mozzarella pizza. I felt ridiculously sorry for myself and I took deep sips until my attention was drawn to the large table to my right; a group of 4 Italians and 4 Americans from New Jersey. I hadn't noticed them at first because I was busy being a bratty self-pitying diva and then suddenly it was impossible to ignore them.
I literally hit eavesdropping gold. I don't have time to write out the conversation tonight so stay tuned for all of the wtf's and say what now gurl? But I just have to say it was pretty epic. The good news is that that cheered me right up and the Husband is doing much better today so yeah. And yes, the phrase "You should wear a hat this morning." has been filed in the archives under "Tova was right" which you can find right beside "Things that annoy Tova; A is apple pie (I hate apple pie), B is for bras that hurt, C is for Crocs, D is for douches, etc." Anyway, this trip can still be salvaged! Tomorrow's post will talk about the fun things we saw today and one insane taxi ride and so on and so forth! Buona Sera! Last night in Rome! Let's make it amazing!
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