The Hangover Miracle of 2013?
Today is the day I wear my dirndl... I tried it on last night and well, I GOT IT ON!!!
Can I breathe in it? Not really.
Will I be able to consume solids while wearing it? Not likely.
Will one of the hooks pop off and hit a man named Franz wearing lederhosen in the eye? Could happen.
But it fits! After I tried it on and then took it off because I was getting light headed, I did the dumbass thing of consuming ALL THE FOODS in the apartment. Then I felt like a STUPID IDIOT and ran for the Saran Wrap. I did the body wrap and headed to bed where the Husband was in the mood to snuggle and I was like, No, I'm vacuum-packed right now, and he was all like, you didn't have to, I could have helped you put the dirndl on tomorrow. And that would have required him to break a couple of my ribs and we really aren't at that level...yet.
So this morning, as I sit encased in plastic, I hope I can still get that kerblasted dress on this afternoon. I figure I will keep the wrap on until mid morning. Wearing it to the grocery store where I will make weird plasticky noises and people will assume I am incontinent. The things I do to look like a buxom Germanic maiden. Kill me, please.
Can I breathe in it? Not really.
Will I be able to consume solids while wearing it? Not likely.
Will one of the hooks pop off and hit a man named Franz wearing lederhosen in the eye? Could happen.
But it fits! After I tried it on and then took it off because I was getting light headed, I did the dumbass thing of consuming ALL THE FOODS in the apartment. Then I felt like a STUPID IDIOT and ran for the Saran Wrap. I did the body wrap and headed to bed where the Husband was in the mood to snuggle and I was like, No, I'm vacuum-packed right now, and he was all like, you didn't have to, I could have helped you put the dirndl on tomorrow. And that would have required him to break a couple of my ribs and we really aren't at that level...yet.
So this morning, as I sit encased in plastic, I hope I can still get that kerblasted dress on this afternoon. I figure I will keep the wrap on until mid morning. Wearing it to the grocery store where I will make weird plasticky noises and people will assume I am incontinent. The things I do to look like a buxom Germanic maiden. Kill me, please.
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