I Felt Fat and Old Today
I had a lot to celebrate this morning. I finally finished my 8 weeks of interval training (a blog post about that will be coming soon) and I felt great. I decided that I needed to treat myself to a little shopping because woman be shoppin.
Yesterday I cleaned out my closet and switched my winter and summer wardrobe. I realized that once I hung up all my summer clothes that had been stored in one large vacuum bag and on a couple of hanging racks, I had 4 large bags of winter clothes and that just was not fair to my summer wardrobe. Yes, I am really reaching for an excuse to go shopping.
I decided to head to the famous Mariahilferstrasse for some shopping. I was dressed in an adorable cashmere orange cardigan, matched with an orange and purple tartan wrap and jeans cuffed to mid calf (thank you Mommy, for the cardigan and wrap). My outfit said "Spring bbq in the Hamptons" or "a day with Martha Stewart at her plantation, discussing heirloom tomatoes". I decided, stupidly might I add, to stop first at Forever 21 because in the past, I have found one or two items that were decent. The minute I walked into the store I turned from East Coast soccer mom into this:
It felt like the music had stopped and that some salesperson was going to approach and be like "Ma'am, this isn't a Starbucks." and shoo me out. I sucked in my gut and walked past a group of teenage girls and started to look at the merchandise. Rack after rack I looked and found nothing. And the music was very very loud. Now, I can't fault Forever 21. I'm not their target market. In fact, I could be the mother of their target market. So I wrote a little letter in my head because it helped distract me from the looks of horror from the pre-pubescent shoppers as I accidentally picked up a pair of hotpants.
Dear Forever 21,
My name is Tova and I am a mother of one. I am 34 and married and still fighting the baby weight. My baby is now about 53 months old but everything takes time, right? I have been a fan of your store for a long time. Back when my parents lived in Chicago, I visited your Lincoln Park store and bought a fake fur vest that is still in fine condition after close to 13 years later. I was incredibly excited to hear a couple of years ago that you were coming to Vienna. Finally! An American store in Vienna! I counted the days until you would open and when you finally did, I pushed my way in and spent too much money and walked away with some great items.
Sure, I had to buy a size large but that was ok. The clothes were modest, kind of. The accessories were cute. But it has been a while since I have entered your doors. But today was the day I went back because somehow I truly believed you would have at least a couple of things that would be appropriate for me. Oh, how I was so wrong. Rack after rack displayed booty shorts and crop tops. The size small, when held against me, looked to be the size my 4 year old son wears and even then, I would fear I would be arrested by CPS for trying to turn him into an extra for Magic Mike. The crop tops, while obviously not taking boobs into account, would probably be a bolero on a 2 year old. And don't even get me started on the crop top/bra things that haven't been in style since JLo was a Flygirl and I fear I need to find a Wikipedia page to prove to your customers that JLo is Benjamin Buttoning. I digress.
I briefly considered some sports wear but realized that the sports bra could double as a tourniquet. Feeling defeated, I spied a long and shear robe at the front of the store and thought to myself "Hey, something to hide my shame." and then I saw the tassles. It appears you have a Coachella display and this is where you really lost me. Coachella? Really? You know that we are in Vienna, right? And I am pretty sure that any girl shopping at Forever 21 in Austria is not about to head to Coachella. And while I am on the topic, why is Coachella still a thing? Have we not jumped the shark when the Jenner sisters and Justin Bieber are the "cool" ones there? But what do I know? I have only been to two concerts; Roxette and Bon Jovi... oh and there was the Kelly Family in the 90's at the Donauinsel Fest... what?! I don't like crowds. Stop judging me!
I gave up after 20 minutes of quiet sobbing and walked out with my head down. I decided to head to my good old, always reliable H&M. I walked in... they too had a Coachella display! GAH!
But in the end it all worked out. I bought stuff at H&M and I feel at peace. I guess it is time for me to say goodbye to Forever 21 because alas, you are Forever 14 and I am Forever 29 (plus a few years and a few stretch marks). I wish it hadn't ended this way. You could have thrown me a cute sweater or a vagina covering skirt. But I guess it was just meant to be.
I wish you all the best,
Tova
Yesterday I cleaned out my closet and switched my winter and summer wardrobe. I realized that once I hung up all my summer clothes that had been stored in one large vacuum bag and on a couple of hanging racks, I had 4 large bags of winter clothes and that just was not fair to my summer wardrobe. Yes, I am really reaching for an excuse to go shopping.
I decided to head to the famous Mariahilferstrasse for some shopping. I was dressed in an adorable cashmere orange cardigan, matched with an orange and purple tartan wrap and jeans cuffed to mid calf (thank you Mommy, for the cardigan and wrap). My outfit said "Spring bbq in the Hamptons" or "a day with Martha Stewart at her plantation, discussing heirloom tomatoes". I decided, stupidly might I add, to stop first at Forever 21 because in the past, I have found one or two items that were decent. The minute I walked into the store I turned from East Coast soccer mom into this:
It felt like the music had stopped and that some salesperson was going to approach and be like "Ma'am, this isn't a Starbucks." and shoo me out. I sucked in my gut and walked past a group of teenage girls and started to look at the merchandise. Rack after rack I looked and found nothing. And the music was very very loud. Now, I can't fault Forever 21. I'm not their target market. In fact, I could be the mother of their target market. So I wrote a little letter in my head because it helped distract me from the looks of horror from the pre-pubescent shoppers as I accidentally picked up a pair of hotpants.
Dear Forever 21,
My name is Tova and I am a mother of one. I am 34 and married and still fighting the baby weight. My baby is now about 53 months old but everything takes time, right? I have been a fan of your store for a long time. Back when my parents lived in Chicago, I visited your Lincoln Park store and bought a fake fur vest that is still in fine condition after close to 13 years later. I was incredibly excited to hear a couple of years ago that you were coming to Vienna. Finally! An American store in Vienna! I counted the days until you would open and when you finally did, I pushed my way in and spent too much money and walked away with some great items.
Sure, I had to buy a size large but that was ok. The clothes were modest, kind of. The accessories were cute. But it has been a while since I have entered your doors. But today was the day I went back because somehow I truly believed you would have at least a couple of things that would be appropriate for me. Oh, how I was so wrong. Rack after rack displayed booty shorts and crop tops. The size small, when held against me, looked to be the size my 4 year old son wears and even then, I would fear I would be arrested by CPS for trying to turn him into an extra for Magic Mike. The crop tops, while obviously not taking boobs into account, would probably be a bolero on a 2 year old. And don't even get me started on the crop top/bra things that haven't been in style since JLo was a Flygirl and I fear I need to find a Wikipedia page to prove to your customers that JLo is Benjamin Buttoning. I digress.
I briefly considered some sports wear but realized that the sports bra could double as a tourniquet. Feeling defeated, I spied a long and shear robe at the front of the store and thought to myself "Hey, something to hide my shame." and then I saw the tassles. It appears you have a Coachella display and this is where you really lost me. Coachella? Really? You know that we are in Vienna, right? And I am pretty sure that any girl shopping at Forever 21 in Austria is not about to head to Coachella. And while I am on the topic, why is Coachella still a thing? Have we not jumped the shark when the Jenner sisters and Justin Bieber are the "cool" ones there? But what do I know? I have only been to two concerts; Roxette and Bon Jovi... oh and there was the Kelly Family in the 90's at the Donauinsel Fest... what?! I don't like crowds. Stop judging me!
I gave up after 20 minutes of quiet sobbing and walked out with my head down. I decided to head to my good old, always reliable H&M. I walked in... they too had a Coachella display! GAH!
But in the end it all worked out. I bought stuff at H&M and I feel at peace. I guess it is time for me to say goodbye to Forever 21 because alas, you are Forever 14 and I am Forever 29 (plus a few years and a few stretch marks). I wish it hadn't ended this way. You could have thrown me a cute sweater or a vagina covering skirt. But I guess it was just meant to be.
I wish you all the best,
Tova
Comments
Post a Comment