Last Daycare Run For Me
So I cried this morning. Originally the Husband was going to be on daycare run this week, but over the weekend he asked me to come with him today because he said it would be easier with us both there since the Kid has been off for so long. I really really really never wanted to go back there again, but when it comes to mawwiage, we both have to compromise and it often means doing things we don't like to do. I agreed gracefully.. ha. ha. no I didn't. I kvetched for a while and then I put on my very big girl panties and did it.
The Kid was hilarious this morning and generally happy about life. Until we walked through the doors. Then he started to whine and my heart was in my throat. I kept trying to tell him that he has just 4 days left but he didn't understand. It broke my heart. I put on his indoor shoes and he exclaimed "ZU KLEIN (too small)!" and I was all like "Hey! New term! Well done! Here's a hug! Now let Daddy throw you over the baby-gate to the wolves while Mommy mouths 'I'm sorry'". The Kid cried out "Mommy! Mommy!" in heart-wrenching tones and I ran out as fast as possible to drown out the cries. I.cannot.take.this.anymore. The Husband stayed behind to let them know that the Kid won't be in for a couple of weeks (we are just waiting until the end of the month to officially leave). I walked out into the grey morning and bumped into the woman who has been giving me the most grief the past year and thought to myself "Buh bye. Hope you can one day see how amazing my son will turn out to be". Then I made my way to work and held back tears.
I wasn't crying because of the good byes but more out of hope that the new place is better. I know it will be but my heart aches at the thought of the Kid having to adjust to somewhere new again. I am so incredibly grateful that I have this time to get the Kid started at the new place. When the Kid started at the old daycare when he was a year old, I wasn't around for it. The Husband was there and part of me wonders if things would have been different had I been there, too. Maybe something would have told me that this was not the place to send the Kid but it is in the past and I can't change that. But now I have the chance to move forward and hopefully we will see that this change will make all the difference.
I never thought I would feel such guilt for being a working mom. It is incredible to me to have received so much judgement over the past year that God forbid I work 40 hours a week. Judgement from a place that because I work, I am able to afford it. Mom shaming has become a full time sport for some people and it is enough. I am tired of the belief that I am a bad mom because I work. I am tired of people judging stay-at-home moms as well. Every mom I know is an incredible mother and you know why? Because they love their kids. Good moms don't have to bake cookies, good moms don't have to buy the newest pair of shoes, good moms don't have to have a "social life" and good moms don't need to go to playgroups. Good moms love their kids and that's that. Oh, and they should feed their kids once in a while. That's a good-mom thing too.
I'm in the midst of a guilt-induced crisis and I know it will pass once we get him settled him over the next few weeks. Ignore me. I'll be back to posting about disasters in sports bras and why the Husband will never be allowed to watch me do Yoga... ever, tomorrow...
The Kid was hilarious this morning and generally happy about life. Until we walked through the doors. Then he started to whine and my heart was in my throat. I kept trying to tell him that he has just 4 days left but he didn't understand. It broke my heart. I put on his indoor shoes and he exclaimed "ZU KLEIN (too small)!" and I was all like "Hey! New term! Well done! Here's a hug! Now let Daddy throw you over the baby-gate to the wolves while Mommy mouths 'I'm sorry'". The Kid cried out "Mommy! Mommy!" in heart-wrenching tones and I ran out as fast as possible to drown out the cries. I.cannot.take.this.anymore. The Husband stayed behind to let them know that the Kid won't be in for a couple of weeks (we are just waiting until the end of the month to officially leave). I walked out into the grey morning and bumped into the woman who has been giving me the most grief the past year and thought to myself "Buh bye. Hope you can one day see how amazing my son will turn out to be". Then I made my way to work and held back tears.
I wasn't crying because of the good byes but more out of hope that the new place is better. I know it will be but my heart aches at the thought of the Kid having to adjust to somewhere new again. I am so incredibly grateful that I have this time to get the Kid started at the new place. When the Kid started at the old daycare when he was a year old, I wasn't around for it. The Husband was there and part of me wonders if things would have been different had I been there, too. Maybe something would have told me that this was not the place to send the Kid but it is in the past and I can't change that. But now I have the chance to move forward and hopefully we will see that this change will make all the difference.
I never thought I would feel such guilt for being a working mom. It is incredible to me to have received so much judgement over the past year that God forbid I work 40 hours a week. Judgement from a place that because I work, I am able to afford it. Mom shaming has become a full time sport for some people and it is enough. I am tired of the belief that I am a bad mom because I work. I am tired of people judging stay-at-home moms as well. Every mom I know is an incredible mother and you know why? Because they love their kids. Good moms don't have to bake cookies, good moms don't have to buy the newest pair of shoes, good moms don't have to have a "social life" and good moms don't need to go to playgroups. Good moms love their kids and that's that. Oh, and they should feed their kids once in a while. That's a good-mom thing too.
I'm in the midst of a guilt-induced crisis and I know it will pass once we get him settled him over the next few weeks. Ignore me. I'll be back to posting about disasters in sports bras and why the Husband will never be allowed to watch me do Yoga... ever, tomorrow...
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