Operation Tubetop

Since my fashion course was postponed I have decided to do a little practice run with one part of the course on this blog. I figure I would highlight the 4 body types over the next week and I hope y'all find it helpful. One of my fantasy dream jobs would be to be a personal stylist. Rachel Zoe is one of my idols. Shut it. She's awesome and knows her stuff. I may not be a professional stylist but I know my fashion. I'm not being vain. Well, maybe I am. I learned a lot from my mother and over the years have had the time to study and learn about clothes (on my own time) and I feel confident that I can make any woman look incredible. Am I being vain? Yes. But I am confident in my abilities and if that's vanity, so be it. Wow, that came out snarky. Must be the bagel chip post-high I'm on. Sorry. Anyway... Nowadays there is a plethora of information out there regarding body shapes and unfortunately, it has gotten even more confusing. It shouldn't be. This should ...

She was the classiest choice of all. Mr. Lugner, this is good. No, just say no. Wellity wellity wellity. Last night the Husband and I were watching the German version of the Bachelor and chatting on the sofa. Calmly he turned and asked "Did you hear that Lugner is bringing Kim Kardashian to the Opera Ball?" and I put the TV on mute and turned to him and said "Where da hell did you read that?" to which he replied "Everywhere." Dita was a good choice as well. Now, let me take a second and explain something about my marriage. It's a competition about who is right. Thank God for the Interwebs or we would to this day still be fighting about the percentage of university attendees in Canada versus Austria. I won. Ha. Ha. I took a deep breath and said "I don't believe you. It was nowhere in the news." and that was that and I patted the Husband on the head and watched 5 German girls in the South African brush petting a large animal...

I have to apologize that my posts of late have been very Kid-based but that's pretty much what is at the forefront of my mind. And they make for decent stories and future guilt-based rants when the Kid is older. "I walked uphill both ways on your field trips in the snow and you can't even call me once a week?". Ah. Jewish guilt. A fine type of guilt. Yesterday was field trip numero duo. I woke the Kid up and noticed he was healthy and gung ho and with a heavy heart realized that we could not skip yet another field trip. I got the Kid dressed and the Husband noticed my discontent. I would say he is perceptive but I think the slamming of drawers and angry sighs and the middle finger giving gave me away. "Are you alright?" he asked sweetly. "No I am not mother loving alright! We have a trans-Siberian trek to embark on and there is snow. SNOW on the ground and I can't take the stroller. And No. I AM NOT ALRIGHT!" and then I angrily turned on m...

Oooh boy... I have a lot of crow to eat. The Husband is going to smother me in my sleep. For years we have been having fights about buying an apartment. He believes a mortgage is debt. I believe renting is a waste of money. I have spent so many hours getting all up in his grill (yeah, I wrote that) ranting at him that we need to buy buy BUY! Well, cough, I've changed up my mind. Walk with me and I'll tell you of my new plan of action. So, I want a bigger apartment. I want the Kid to have his own room that doesn't require curtains and blinds and piles of pillows so that the light from the TV in the living room doesn't keep him up at night. I want to entertain in the dining room and not walk around with a head lamp and speaking in soft tones. I want a bathroom that is large enough so I don't get felt up by the washing machine every time I brush my teeth. I would prefer not to knock myself out on the door handle when I visit the little girl's room. I would like t...

This morning was day 10 (supposed to be day 11 but we missed the field trip last week) of integration. The Husband and I have been getting a little stressed about how long it is taking for the Kid to be ready. Friday was an awesome milestone and I was pretty sure that today was not going to be as awesome. It was snowing this morning and I decided to try and get the Kid into his snow pants. He wore them last year but last year was another time and another place and another land (in his mind) for him. I also wanted to get him into snow pants because tomorrow is our, wait for it, FIELDTRIP OF TERROR. I tried to distract him with the Bubble Guppies and I had just gotten one leg in when he looked down and then looked at me and said "Bitch, please". Of course he didn't say those exact words but his "Nein" conveyed it. So being the super mommy that I am I pulled out the big guns. "Do you want an auto?" "Bitte (please)" "O.K. Then the snow p...

When I was visiting my parental units in Berlin last November, my mother and I went to an Asian restaurant around the corner. I ordered a soup that came with noodles and dumplings and it was amahzing. I decided to recreate this soup at home and here is the recipe I came up with. Asian Dumpling Soup Ingredients 2-3 cups chicken broth .5 cup coconut milk Dash of soy sauce Dash of sesame oil 1 tsp of sesame seeds 1 clove crushed garlic 2-4 dried chilis, chopped (I like mine spicy) Kafir lime leaves (optional) Lemon grass (optional) Chopped spring onions Veggies of choice (I put thinly sliced carrots and some Chinese cabbage in da soup) Asian noodles (any type you like) - you're the boss of you, you decide the portion Pre-made dumplings (I use chicken and vegetable frozen gyoza) In a pot, cook the spring onions, garlic and veg for a couple of minutes in the sesame oil, then add the broth and the coconut milk and all the seasonings. Let simmer for a little bit (20-40 ...

Another Monday. A snowy Monday. I'd like to complain but we have been having the most mildest mannered winer ever. So yes, it can snow late January. Go for it. Snow your brains out. Anywho, this morning I went with the Kid to Montessori for the start of our 3rd week of integration. The details will be in a later post. The weekend was nice; early morning walk with a friend who now spits when she hears my name. A facial (ouch!!!) and a manicure and then later in the day I spent the afternoon switching my shoes and purses into the hall bookcase and putting the books and DVD's into the walk in closet. It took hours and half way through I was cursing myself but now it is done and I'm not sure if I'm happy with the result. Siiighhh. Sunday afternoon I went to my friend's place to celebrate her daughter's first birthday. She is adorable and the party was super sweet and there was wonderful food and great wine and I ate the biggest piece of chocolate cake that I eve...

It's nice to have a quiet Sunday morning on a wintry day. Currently I am eating half a toasted bagel and rocking sweat pants. It's the little things. On Friday we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. The night before, the Husband bought me 10 red roses and then on Friday morning, I got a couple of gifts. We said NO GIFTS because we are going on a trip just the two of us in a few months (DUBLIN 2014! RAISE DA ROOF!). Well, the Husband is a husband to me for the past 10 years for a reason, because he went ahead and got me stuff. The first gift was a silver string necklace that said "Gt10y" and the second one was a pearl necklace. I may or may not have lifted the strand to my teeth. He may or may not have caught me doing this. I may or may not have said "Just joking!" and then I may or may not have lifted them back to my teeth after he turned his back. They're real. Heh. So I went to work and the Husband headed to Montesorri for day 10 of integratio...

Had a great early morning walk with my friend! It was minus 5 and I am still defrosting an hour later. As promised, we have a winner for the give away! I wrote out the names of the people who qualified. Put them in this handy measuring cup. Passed it to the Kid. He wasn't impressed. After bribing him with a blueberry muffin, he picked a name and then promptly dropped in on the ground. He wouldn't hold it so I had to photograph it without him. And the winner is... ANGELA!!! Congrats Angela! You are now the proud owner of the earrings! PM me your address and I will send them to you on Monday! Thank you everybody for participating! I really appreciate it! Stay tuned for next month's give away!

Yup, it is our ten year wedding anniversary. Our big 1-0. You know what we have planned? A trip to a child therapist this afternoon. Am I bitter? NO, I'M NOT BITTER!!! Yes, yes, I am bitter. But we will be going out for an early bird dinner after and the Kid is not invited to this session so in a way, a trip to the child therapist is pretty much like a date. Siiiigh. But with just enough pouting, I will get my Dublin trip as God and the poor waiter this evening are my witnesses. Now sit back, put up your feet and let me tell you about our lovely wedding day, 10 years ago today. Back in 2003, the Husband and I were smitten. We lived in downtown Toronto on the corner of Elm and McCaul. It was our own little piece of heaven. Evenings after work we would meet up at the Village Idiot and drink beer and talk and talk. Weekend nights were spent at Irish pubs and then we would stop by our local Pizza Pizza (double cheese large with cheddar jalapeno dipping sauce). I'd carry that huge...

I'm being a very good girl (I actually wrote food by mistake and that's a Freudian mistake if there ever was one). I have hit the gym 4 times this week and tomorrow I will as well. I'm loving the alone time and the fact that I get to read my Kindle for 40 minutes without interruption. Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy! Mommy ? Anyway, the weirdest thing is that in the past week, suddenly there are more people at the gym. Were they celebrating Russian Christmas? Why weren't they here on January 2nd? It perturbs me to think that I might have missed out on some weird mid-January holiday. Hey ho off to Wikipedia I go ! Well, I'm back. Apparently I missed Houseplant Appreciation Day on the 10th of January as well as the Feast of Fabulous Wild Men day on the 12th. Dammit! So, moving on. Now there are like a lot more people and so far so good. I haven't had to give anyone the look and people are staying away from me. Smart people. Here is the breakdown of the members I ...

Raise da roof! I am starting a new monthly exciting give away! Here's how it's gonna play out. Every month I will purchase something and post it here on the blog. Then all you have to do to qualify is to go through this blog, find your favourite post and then share it on your own Facebook page. Self-marketing, giving it a try - don't judge me - I have dreams. Once you have shared it, comment on the Operation Tubetop Facebook page and comment that you "Did it like a boss! And might I add, that you look lovely today, Tova!" Then, when the competition ends, I will write up all the names of the people who have participated on little pieces of paper, throw them into a hat or shoe or something and have the Kid pick one. I will try to have photographic documentation of this but it depends on if the Kid cooperates. I WILL MAKE HIM A STAR! Once the name has been chosen (wrenched out of the Kid's grasp), I will post the results on the Facebook page and then will mail yo...

Rah rah! Let's be awesome! Rah rah! Let's be positive! Rah rah! Where's my pina colada? Sigh. Today's post is going to be about blessings in disguise, because, why not? But first, my cousin posted a quiz "Which Mean Girls Character Are You?" and I totally did it and got Mrs. George... the cool mom. I'm totally pumped. So meeeee. Right? Right. I totally thought I would get Regina George. Oh well. Kind of my dream life in a picture So moving on... yesterday I found out that my fashion course has been postponed indefinitely. I am bummed because I was looking forward to being judged by people I don't know, while my palms would sweat and I would start to stutter. I lie, I was actually really looking forward to it. It was planned for next Tuesday and I know that this week would have been a write-off because I would spend hours talking to myself and evenings saying things like "I'm busy doing very very important things like looking for Lena Dunh...

I love Vienna public transportation. It is one of the few cities that I haven't called it Pubic transportation. Like for reals. In Moscow I had a driver (poor rich girl issues) that would take me to school and back. After a few weeks, I realized that taking the subway in the afternoon was much more convenient - almost faster and I was the boss of me when I wanted to go home. Our drivers were ex-military and I used to spend hours looking at their self given tattoos in interest and wondering what they meant. They were always super nice and blasted the radio in the mornings. Moscow radio in the late 90's was always a mixture of Madonna, modern hits (by modern, I mean mid 90's) and the most random songs. If I hear One Way Ticket to the Blues I kind of get a sensory memory jolt and I'm in the back of an embassy car driving along impossibly wide boulevards. Or I'm twitching because I hate that song to the depths of my soul. Nice random segue, Tova. Anyway, I have trave...

It's almost 7 a.m. The boys in the apartment are still sleeping. Blissfully unaware that their matriarch is about to have a full blown panic attack. She is back from the gym - and, oh, by the way, was last night New Year's Eve because there are a whole lotta new people I want to kill at my gym. Da hell? Anyway, the matriarch sips her coffee and tries to remain positive about the field trip today. The same one she took exactly a week ago. Visions of a tantruming 3 year old runs through her head. But she must prevail and don spandex once again and throw side eyes to the Husband who once again does not have to attend. She is plotting revenge.... Stay tuned... In other news, yesterday was once again a 90 minute nothing at the daycare. The head woman isn't in on Mondays so the other two providers didn't think it was a good idea for me to leave. Instead, I had to read a book and show the Kid I was busy and so, because he is cat-like, he kept stretching across my lap and h...

Hello Monday. First thing's first, thank you all for "liking" my Facebook page! Already 48 likes in a day?! That's awesome! It was not easy this morning to get out of bed. I was still tired from fun day Saturday and, well, I just didn't want to get out of bed. But I said to myself "You haven't been to the gym since Thursday morning and that pizza from last night is just sitting there, in your stomach, mocking you". So I got up and read gossip blogs for 30 minutes with one eye closed and then sloth-like, put on my gym clothes. I was winded from putting on my sports bra. Luckily it is oddly warm this morning so I didn't cry as I walked to the gym. As a side note, da hell happened to El Nino? That was HUGE in the 90's... but I guess we can say the same about Alicia Silverstone's career. BOOM! Nice. That was way harsh, Tova So anyway, I got a good workout in and I feel happy that I pushed myself to go. If I miss too many workouts, I st...

Hey you guys. I am tired. I am exhausted. Mommy can't do a fun night like she used to. Last night I went to a friend (sister in-law) of a friend's place and it twas an awesome night. Her kids were with their granparents and the 3 of us hit the dining room table and drank wine and ate parmesan and bread and laughed and laughed. I got home just after midnight and had just enough power left to wash my face and then I hit the sheets. The Kid woke up at 7 and I wanted to cry. I got him out of bed and told him "Please just let Mommy lie here and die". But alas, a three year thinks a horizontal mommy is something to jump on - over and over and over. I finally crawled back into bed around 8, saying to the Husband "Remember me fondly". I got up again at 9:30 and suffered until the Kid took a nap at 12:30. I slept for another 2 hours and wondered why I felt like ass. I guess it's down to the fact that I haven't been drinking much the past few weeks and after t...

Back in November, on a cold Sunday evening, I was sipping my wine and looking at a Babies Club e-mail. Every Sunday this notice comes with ads for used baby stuff and general ads looking for babysitters or offering different services. I scrolled through and found an ad looking for a personal stylist. My curiousity was piqued, yo, and I took a few more sips of my wine and sent off an e-mail. Now, I am not a stylist by trade but I love nothing more than telling people what to wear. I haven't studied fashion but I have studied fashion. Please excuse me if I sound vain here - I know what looks good on people. Having an oddly shaped figure has been a bit of a blessing in disguise because it has forced me to look at different ways of dressing. I am a firm believer that regardless of income bracket, anyone can look like a million dollars. This is why someone like Kim Kardashian sends me into seizures when I see pictures of her. WHY MUST YOU DRESS SO BADLY?!?! GAH! (first world problem, r...

Oh thank you, it is Friday! Last night I went out for a great dinner and cocktails at this new place called Santos in the fourth district. I was beyond pleasantly surprised! I am hooked! I had 3 different cocktails - margarita, ginger mojito and a rosemary infused drink - my word, I do declare! I ordered the supreme fajitas which came with a herbed sour cream, guacamole and spicy pico de gallo - the beef was tender and well, I am in love. Go, go forth to Santos! I was planning to hit the gym this morning but I didn't fall asleep until 11 and I just could't face 5 a.m. today. I got up at 7 and was troll-like. I am usually up for a couple of hours by the time the Kid wakes up so I am cheery and happy but not this morning. Definitely not this morning. I was not looking forward to another 90 minutes of pushing the Kid to finally detach from my hip. But, to my surprise when we arrived, they suggested I leave for 45 minutes to see how the Kid would adjust. So I said good bye and ra...

So, another day of integration at the daycare. Another 90 minutes of willing the Kid to make his way into the main room and start ignoring me. Not happening. Instead, he finds great joy in opening and closing the door. At one point he got frustrated when the awesome woman at the daycare asked him to stop playing with the door. I wasn't sure what to do. Finally he calmed down and laid down in the middle of the hallway. He stared up at the ceiling and the woman seemed quite pleased. She turned to me and said "This is good. He's calming himself down." I didn't have the heart to say that he was most likely pooping. Big sigh. She suggested that tomorrow I bring in a book and just sit and read and let him make a move to go and play by himself. I also didn't have the heart to point out that at home, me "sitting and reading" involves locking the toilet door and ignoring the Kid throwing himself at the door with the force of a thousand raptors. Mommy? Mo...

I loved  That 70's Show  back in the day. The first few seasons were epic. I hearted it. I have always had a thing for the 70's - I dunno, men in turtlenecks and melted cheese - fantastico. I also have a thing for the 60's too, but that's another post. Back to the awesome 70's! Fashion was pretty insane back then (I'm looking at you Polyester) yet, I am and always will be a Halston fan. I don't have the right figure to pull that era off but I can look at it from afar and appreciate it. There was something so commercial and plastique about the 70's and I most likely would have been called a "square" at marches had I lived in that time - because I ain't burning my really nice bras but I do support you ladies - I just need to support my ladies ! Feminism was rampant and awesome and yet to be used as a dirty word to describe a woman who is tough. Kama Sutra was a best selling book and people were moving out of the stereotypical gender roles of ...

Dear Lord am I hurting today. My whole body aches. Hey guys, just cancel your gym memberships and take my toddler on a field trip - you will be ripped. My arms are the worst and I think it is because I had to schlep that stupid stroller and then grip onto the Kid at the same time. I swear he wanted to swan dive off the escalator at one point. Thank you jeebus for hoodies - good grip. Today was day 3 and I was in a much better place mentally. We got there at nine and I even chatted with another dad. It was so wierd and it shouldn't have been but obviously I am so used to the old place and the judgey mcjudgy looks that I forgot that there are normal parents out there. The Kid was happy to go in but hung out in the mudroom for about 45 minutes. Finally he edged his way into the classroom and I had a few minutes on my own. A six year old girl came in and asked "What are you doing?" and I said "Texting my husband to pick up detergent". She wasn't impressed. The...

Oh God. Today is the day we go to the museum. I am still undecided about whether or not to bring the stroller. The museum is far far away and I'm having visions of epic meltdowns on trams en route and en home. I might just go a little way with them and then head back home with the Kid. He's fit but I don't know how he is going to handle a couple of hours without the stroller. I'm wearing running shoes and stretchy pants and wondering where I can buy a halter leash at 5 in the morning. Pray for me. I'm heading to the gym soon. Hopefully I can sweat out some anxiety. I will be super super pumped when today is over. Oh please pray for me. ....... And we are back home. Oh mah gawd, I did it. We got to the daycare just before 9 and the other kids were getting dressed and ready. The Kid wasn't too happy about waiting and I kept swearing under my breath and praying that a meltdown wasn't about to happen. With the folded up stroller over my shoulder, and the K...