Day After Valentine's Day and Losing my Shit Slightly
Boy! That post title sounds ominous! I hope you all had a great day yesterday! Whether you ate pizza, or watched Netflix or enjoyed a 5 course meal or drowned in a bouquet of roses or cut the head off of your ex in pictures, or made a Voodoo doll or whatever, I hope it was a good one. Since I am still on that 30 days of no drinking, Valentine's day was less 50 Shades of Grey and more 50 Shades of Earl Grey Tea. I jest. My parents read this blog so no more details. But it was a nice night and I got flowers and we ordered take out. The end.
As I wrote on Monday, I am now looking for guest bloggers... and the good news is, is that I have about 9 people lined up for the blog and that is very very exciting. I have to say that it is important as a blogger to try and get more people featured. I know that many things have helped bring me readership: a guest post on a popular blog about 3 years ago, a mention in the New York Post (thank you, you know who you are) and of course, most recently, the XOJane article I wrote. So I think it is only fair that I pay it forward (I'm acting like this is a global blog. But fake it until you make it, right?). Cough. Anyway, I can't wait to start featuring different people on this blog! It's going to be great!
And I had a lot of other things to write about today but another story has eclipse them all. How fun! Let's talk about the Beacon Beach House bank account (the bane of my existence)! Yay (sarcasm)! Back in December, I started the process to open an account. Of course there was the Christmas break so there was a delay and every time I would send paper work, more requests for more paper work would come in. On January 26th I sent the final paper work in and heard nothing. I assumed that it would take a couple of days for the process (and I figured in the semester holidays because every Austrian goes skiing for a week) but I finally had had enough of waiting and finally wrote them. Their response was that they had no idea what I was talking about and if I could provide them with the name of the Verein.... These situations are exactly the times when I feel like I am going to have an aneurysm and/or lose my ever loving shit. See, this type of stuff drives me batty and I am doing this alone and in a foreign country. As much as I love living here and feel like this is my home, it is crap like this that makes me feel like a complete auslaender (foreigner). There are days where I am just feeling incredibly overwhelmed and lost and frustrated and this afternoon was definitely one of those days. People have offered help for certain things but then I hear nothing back and even when I follow up, there is no response. I understand it because I am not a priority, but it is still frustrating. I am pretty much a rogue mom right now, trying to build up something that I know can benefit so many people (me included, always about me) in this city but ego or apathy or a combination of both seem to be creating huge hurdles. I am blind woman walking here and feeling incredibly alone sometimes. And dramatic. Always dramatic.
I don't often blow my lid but when a lot of little things add up, then KABOOM! And by kaboom, I mean I just bitch with my friends and/or co-workers and then imagine what I would be like if I was in Canada and fluent in the language. My friend remarked at the end of the day "Oh, I like pissed off Tova. She's fun." Gah! I feel like this is the straw that broke my back a little today. And the best part of all of this is, is that I then received an e-mail that the account has been ready for signing in the branch at work since February 1st and OH MY GOD HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?!? AM I TELEPATHIC? A little... but NO! HOW?!?! GAH! KICKING THINGS RIGHT NOW! GAH! GODZILLA! RAWR!
Deep breaths. Deeeep.... I think the hardest thing here is knowing the etiquette. Do I push too much? Do people think I am using them? Which, by the way, is something I am terrified of. I value my friendships and would never ever ever want to come across as someone who is a user. A user of wine? Sure. A user of people? Never. I love to connect people and to help network and I won't change. But I have to stop expecting it from others. I have an Austrian husband and he has helped with some things a long the way but I know that he doesn't have too much faith that things will ever change here and I think he has a hard time imagining that the woman he lives with, who picks up things with her feet because she is too lazy to bend over or says things like "I bet if I worked really hard, I could become a golf pro in a couple of years. I need to buy some golf clubs, though." is completely capable of doing this. Of course he is supportive (I cry often "Why aren't you supportive?!?" just so he says "I am supportive!!!" I'm not proud.) but he is also worried about me... which is his right. He also didn't grow up here so he is only semi-Austrian. At the Science Ball, someone said to me "I like what you are doing. You are open about your struggles and failures. It's very un-Austrian and that is why you probably are struggling to get support." and I responded with "Failures? What failures?!?" I appreciated her honesty but I walked away with a bit of pit in my stomach. Am I doing this all wrong? Am I causing damage to the cause? Sometimes I think I might be crossing invisible lines that I am not aware of. And I wish I had more insight and guidance. But at the same time, this is maybe why things are not great here when it comes to autism support. The other centers are overwhelmed. Families are falling apart. It's time to be loud and it is time to be proactive. I can't wait around forever (looking at you, bank account) and so I am being loud and I am being transparent. I am just getting a teeny bit tired of all these hurdles and I am totally going to have a good cry tonight because I am not drinking and GAH! GODZILLA MAD! GODZILLA VERY VERY MAD!
Ok, coming down. The Husband is out tonight. The Kid is ready for bed soon (we just took a little walk around the neighbourhood because it is practically balmy out), and then I am going to watch mindless TV and make crafts for the Tiki Baby Shower I am hosting in March. I also need to get some yoga in and why are there not more hours in the day?! I apologize for this ranty post; and I do have to mention that my friends and family have been absolutely incredible these past few years. This rant is not directed to any of the awesome people in my life. Just putting it out there. The good news regarding my mini meltdown is that I probably burned more calories than usual. The bad news is that I probably aged a year or two this afternoon. My friend said "Well, look on the bright side. The account is set up!" and she is right. Tomorrow I will go in and sign the paperwork and then I can finally set up the Gofundme account and then all will be well in the world until the next small hiccup which will lead me to more chest thumping. I never said I wasn't dramatic... I wish you all a fabulous night! And thanks for reading. I promise that I will be sharing awesome news when awesome stuff happens. It better happen or Godzilla will be coming out again and that's terrible for the pores. Toodles.
As I wrote on Monday, I am now looking for guest bloggers... and the good news is, is that I have about 9 people lined up for the blog and that is very very exciting. I have to say that it is important as a blogger to try and get more people featured. I know that many things have helped bring me readership: a guest post on a popular blog about 3 years ago, a mention in the New York Post (thank you, you know who you are) and of course, most recently, the XOJane article I wrote. So I think it is only fair that I pay it forward (I'm acting like this is a global blog. But fake it until you make it, right?). Cough. Anyway, I can't wait to start featuring different people on this blog! It's going to be great!
And I had a lot of other things to write about today but another story has eclipse them all. How fun! Let's talk about the Beacon Beach House bank account (the bane of my existence)! Yay (sarcasm)! Back in December, I started the process to open an account. Of course there was the Christmas break so there was a delay and every time I would send paper work, more requests for more paper work would come in. On January 26th I sent the final paper work in and heard nothing. I assumed that it would take a couple of days for the process (and I figured in the semester holidays because every Austrian goes skiing for a week) but I finally had had enough of waiting and finally wrote them. Their response was that they had no idea what I was talking about and if I could provide them with the name of the Verein.... These situations are exactly the times when I feel like I am going to have an aneurysm and/or lose my ever loving shit. See, this type of stuff drives me batty and I am doing this alone and in a foreign country. As much as I love living here and feel like this is my home, it is crap like this that makes me feel like a complete auslaender (foreigner). There are days where I am just feeling incredibly overwhelmed and lost and frustrated and this afternoon was definitely one of those days. People have offered help for certain things but then I hear nothing back and even when I follow up, there is no response. I understand it because I am not a priority, but it is still frustrating. I am pretty much a rogue mom right now, trying to build up something that I know can benefit so many people (me included, always about me) in this city but ego or apathy or a combination of both seem to be creating huge hurdles. I am blind woman walking here and feeling incredibly alone sometimes. And dramatic. Always dramatic.
I don't often blow my lid but when a lot of little things add up, then KABOOM! And by kaboom, I mean I just bitch with my friends and/or co-workers and then imagine what I would be like if I was in Canada and fluent in the language. My friend remarked at the end of the day "Oh, I like pissed off Tova. She's fun." Gah! I feel like this is the straw that broke my back a little today. And the best part of all of this is, is that I then received an e-mail that the account has been ready for signing in the branch at work since February 1st and OH MY GOD HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?!? AM I TELEPATHIC? A little... but NO! HOW?!?! GAH! KICKING THINGS RIGHT NOW! GAH! GODZILLA! RAWR!
Deep breaths. Deeeep.... I think the hardest thing here is knowing the etiquette. Do I push too much? Do people think I am using them? Which, by the way, is something I am terrified of. I value my friendships and would never ever ever want to come across as someone who is a user. A user of wine? Sure. A user of people? Never. I love to connect people and to help network and I won't change. But I have to stop expecting it from others. I have an Austrian husband and he has helped with some things a long the way but I know that he doesn't have too much faith that things will ever change here and I think he has a hard time imagining that the woman he lives with, who picks up things with her feet because she is too lazy to bend over or says things like "I bet if I worked really hard, I could become a golf pro in a couple of years. I need to buy some golf clubs, though." is completely capable of doing this. Of course he is supportive (I cry often "Why aren't you supportive?!?" just so he says "I am supportive!!!" I'm not proud.) but he is also worried about me... which is his right. He also didn't grow up here so he is only semi-Austrian. At the Science Ball, someone said to me "I like what you are doing. You are open about your struggles and failures. It's very un-Austrian and that is why you probably are struggling to get support." and I responded with "Failures? What failures?!?" I appreciated her honesty but I walked away with a bit of pit in my stomach. Am I doing this all wrong? Am I causing damage to the cause? Sometimes I think I might be crossing invisible lines that I am not aware of. And I wish I had more insight and guidance. But at the same time, this is maybe why things are not great here when it comes to autism support. The other centers are overwhelmed. Families are falling apart. It's time to be loud and it is time to be proactive. I can't wait around forever (looking at you, bank account) and so I am being loud and I am being transparent. I am just getting a teeny bit tired of all these hurdles and I am totally going to have a good cry tonight because I am not drinking and GAH! GODZILLA MAD! GODZILLA VERY VERY MAD!
Ok, coming down. The Husband is out tonight. The Kid is ready for bed soon (we just took a little walk around the neighbourhood because it is practically balmy out), and then I am going to watch mindless TV and make crafts for the Tiki Baby Shower I am hosting in March. I also need to get some yoga in and why are there not more hours in the day?! I apologize for this ranty post; and I do have to mention that my friends and family have been absolutely incredible these past few years. This rant is not directed to any of the awesome people in my life. Just putting it out there. The good news regarding my mini meltdown is that I probably burned more calories than usual. The bad news is that I probably aged a year or two this afternoon. My friend said "Well, look on the bright side. The account is set up!" and she is right. Tomorrow I will go in and sign the paperwork and then I can finally set up the Gofundme account and then all will be well in the world until the next small hiccup which will lead me to more chest thumping. I never said I wasn't dramatic... I wish you all a fabulous night! And thanks for reading. I promise that I will be sharing awesome news when awesome stuff happens. It better happen or Godzilla will be coming out again and that's terrible for the pores. Toodles.
My first five or so years in the US, I did not pay my state taxes. Why? Because it said that non-residents did not need to pay them. Little did I know that this referred not to your immigration status (I was a 'resident alien'), but to whether you were a resident of the state or not. Immigrant problems! They happen even when you speak the language. MA later came for me with my back taxes at a time where I was tracking any expense over $15 because my budget was so tight. And yet, I persisted. And I think I pay my taxes correctly now. Maybe. Or something.
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