I'm a Super Model.. oh ha ha ha

Alright! Happy Wednesday! I am a little manic this morning. The Husband and I are wondering if we should cancel our trip to Rome. And I pray that we won't because we really really need this trip. The Kid, as I mentioned yesterday, has had some mega freak outs the last couple of days. I am not sure if it is digestion related or something bigger. All day yesterday he was an angel and I thought maybe we were in the clear but again last night around 10:30, he had another one. Not as severe but still not fun. If we can get through today without one, we will go, otherwise, byeee dream trip. The only consolation if we do go is that the Kid's grandmother is wonderful with him so that puts me at ease. Please keep your fingers crossed that he feels better and that I don't feel like jumping off a bridge due to guilt and indecision.

So, that's the news from the home front. Now onto fun! (Please Kid, feel better, Mommy really needs this long weekend). So, yesterday was the big photo shoot! For weeks I have planned to drop weight so that I would feel confident but life and pizza got in the way so that didn't happen. Womp womp. As I mentioned a bazillion times, a friend signed me up for a photo shoot without my knowledge. I remember being out for dinner with friends when I got the PM and I was all like "Say what?!?" and then I drank some more wine because it seemed like a good way to process the information.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend met with the photographer, a Ms. Dina Lee. She explained that she is working on a series of photographs of women in Vienna and she asked us to bring 3-4 outfits for the photo shoot. A make up artist would be there and the shoot would last most of the afternoon. Monday night I threw some outfits in a bag because I am well prepared and a professional model. Cough. Cough. I left work at 1 and jumped into a taxi. Office Twin inferred that I was a capitalist pig dog for not taking public and my answer to him is, suck it. The minute I had settled into my seat, the song "Isn't she lovely." came on and I snorted. Then the driver switched over to German rap and I was done. Dina's studio is located on Burggasse near Lugner City. I arrived just in time and met my friend  at the front door. We were both a little freaked out (I felt like hyperventilating) and we made our way in. Dina met us at the door and she is stunning and when I met her I kept it classy by declaring "I shall be your GREATEST CHALLENGE!"

Friend (Kat) took out the booze (smart Kat, smart) and we were ushered into the studio; a bright room with intimidating equipment. Dina asked us to take out our outfits and it felt a little like show and tell from back in the day "My top is coral. I love my top. My top makes me happy on dark days. My top is from H&M because my mommy says that until I take care of my clothes, I have to shop discount." (And I am not dissing H&M because I adore that place). I also brought a stack of jewelry because like a sportscar to a man with low self esteem, bling bling to me. The make up artist showed up and I think I yelled something like "I hope there is spray paint in there!" Kat was the first victim and I acted like a proud stage mom, taking pictures, signing her childhood away, being a cougar. Within 45 minutes, Kat was ready to be shot.. by a camera. She looked incredible! When it was my turn to get my make up done, I said "Make me look like her".

While I got my make up done "Slap it on!! Don't be shy!", Kat became Linda Evangelista. She looked spectacular and Dina Lee was great in explaining what she wanted in terms of poses. The make up artist was great too and she kept complimenting my eyes which was nice of her. I have two different coloured eyes and I am a little self conscious about them. Every time people notice and say something like "I love your eyes!" I have to destroy the compliment with "Which one?" (Sidenote: I am terrible at receiving compliments. And this is something I have to work on.) After an hour, I was done and Kat was getting to the end of her session. Dina asked us to pose together and at one point we were holding hands and looking very chummy and I declared "This shall be our wedding invite!"

Then Kat was released and it was time to get my Zoolander on. Yeah, about that. I am stiff. I am not good in front of the camera. I am literally a deer in the headlights and yet Dina did a fantastic job making sure I was comfortable and patiently gave instructions. She has the patience of a saint. This is why I could never be a photographer. "What the hell!?! Left hand on the hip! LEFT! For God's sake did you not learn which is left in school?! Point your chin! Do you even speak English?! Dammit what is wrong with you, you vapid moron?!" Cough. No, Dina has the gift of making you feel like you like you are worthy of being photographed and that is a gift. Especially with someone like me, grunting every time I had to stand up saying "Sorry, Trex arms." or "Don't look at my HIDEOUS feet!!"  We wrapped up around 5 and I had to run and meet a friend for dinner for a restaurant I had to review. I thanked Dina for her time and her professionalism and I said "We need to stay in touch! Especially now that you've seen my crotch!" Dammit, Tova. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

The experience was definitely interesting and was so beyond my comfort zone. I am happy that I did it and I cannot wait to see the end results in a couple of weeks when the pictures come out. Dina is great and I have to say a big thank you to Kat! The other awesome part was that I got to go to dinner looking like a Kardashian. The not so awesome part is looking like a Kardashian when trying out a pub. Stay tuned for a Vienna Würstelstand review about beer places in Vienna. It was a great meal and the place is just around the corner and I am glad my friend could make it. When I got home, I looked in the mirror and laughed and then I took a selfie because I thought I looked "to' up, from the flo' up" and I decided to post it on Facebook and you all have lost your damn minds. You love it! So I will post the re-touched Kat did last night becaue I have to say, that with the special effects, I kind of love this picture. I am totally framing this and autographing it and giving it out to friends for Christmas. Stay classy, Tova.

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