I'm Not Good With Super Mommies

Sup? It is Monday again and back to the normal grind. Well, as normal as can be. We have just a couple of weeks to go until the Kid will no longer be at the daycare and then it is going to be all hands on deck as we try to make sure we don't accidentally leave him at home alone one day. Kind of like Home Alone but instead of hilarious hijinks, we get arrested. Oh ha ha. So I will be off work from July 24-30 and then August 11-12, August 18 and August 25-26, so if you are around those days, drop on by. We can chill and watch Dora or get liquored in the park. Either or. Yay! Responsible parenting!

It was a great weekend. Friday I did the Bikram and almost died. Saturday morning I did the Bikram and almost died. Saturday afternoon I helped a friend set up for her birthday party. Saturday night I partayed. Sunday morning I almost died and then Sunday evening the Husband, the Kid and I hung out at the park. I love our park and I really love that we can sit on the grass and not have to chase after the Kid. He stays in the vicinity and likes to run up and down the hill non-stop. Can't compare him to veal anymore. Booyah! 

Usually we are left alone but yesterday a 9 month old came by to our section of the grass. Let's call her Esme. Esme's mom was on the grass and talking on her cell phone. Based on what she was saying and in the tone she was saying it, I imagine that the person on the other end was pressing bamboo shoots up their fingernails to stay awake. 

"Esme likes to rock back and forth. Esme loves the park. Esme just looked at a bird. Esme just ate jam. Esme likes to touch new things. Esme. Esme. Esme."

I watched Esme inch closer to the Kid's stroller and I watched the Kid for his reaction. For the most part he is good with other kids in that he avoids them completely. But when it comes to his stroller, he ain't sharing that. The Kid watched her and he seemed relaxed and I did the whole look at the mother of the baby and convey that perhaps she puts down her phone and gets her child before anything happens thing. 

"And Esme says ball. And Esme loves to sing."

Jesus, lady. So Esme started playing with the wheels and the mom continued to talk on her phone. The Kid had had enough when Esme reached for his water bottle so he sighed and came over and pushed his stroller down the hill. Passive aggressive move, Kiddo. I approve. The mom finally stood up and came over and I sighed and wished I could push myself down the hill. She knelt beside Esme and told whichever poor soul was on the other end that she would just be a minute.

"Esme loves pretty strollers. Esme loves things with wheels." Oh sweet Jesus. So I nodded and hoped she would notice I was not that interested but she continued.

"Esme told me how much she would love a stroller." Oh really, Esme the 9 month old told you that? Look, I'm sure Esme is a smart cookie but let's be honest here, Esme was eating grass just a couple of minutes ago. "And I think soon we are going to have to buy a stroller. A pretty stroller just like this one! Esme says yes. Oh look she said yes!" I look at Esme and see her staring at her hand cross eyed. Yes, Esme wants a stroller.

Luckily the Kid tripped and so the Husband and I had an excuse to remove ourselves from the awkwardness that was unfolding. As we tended to the Kid, I could hear "And Esme just made some new friends. Esme is so good with people." as the mom talked into the phone. Look, before I get hate mail, I think kids are awesome. I adore my child and I love talking to my friends about their kids. I like kids in general. I just don't think a 9 month old can convey her innermost thoughts about jam and the need for some wheels. "Esme is going to walk soon. She told me so. Esme is the smartest girl in the world. Esme loves to talk to me." GAAAAAAH!

And so we headed home and laughed at the Kid attempting to eat spring rolls with hot sauce. And I wonder if we will ever see Esme again. Esme must think I'm a bitch.