Something's Afoot at the Gym
Just over 4 weeks in and I'm down 7 pounds. I was hoping it would have been more seeing as I have been working out like a demon and eating well. But the good news is that physically I'm changing slowly. I've lost about 3 centimeters off my waist and 3 off my hips. The weirdest part is that my butt seems higher. So that's a win? Non? High butt! Yay?
Anyway, things are weird at the gym lately. The past few months there have been the regulars. Below is the list of players I deal with at 6:00 a.m.:
The grandma: I'm not sure how old she is. She's probably in her 50's but her hair screams older. She is pretty dedicated and seems to come every weekday morning. What I can't figure out is why she comes to the gym in full work clothes and then changes into gym clothes. Ain't nobody got time for that. We co-exist because she hits the treadmill and then the bike and avoids the crosstrainer. She doesn't like me because I don't talk to her. At 6 in the morning. At the gym. Before my coffee.
The guys girl: She's in her 20's. Brings a backpack and laptop so I assume she heads to work after. She works out in the general area and not in the women's area. Our paths only cross in the changing room. We co-exist because we never see each other.
The bitch: She's not there so often. She's in her 40's and she just wants to talk and talk. When I didn't go for a few weeks in the winter, she decided to point this out by yelling over to me, across the room. I don't like her and she doesn't like me because I don't talk to her. At 6 in the morning. At the gym. Before my coffee.
The couple: Guy and girl. Attractive. They work out together in the general area. Our paths only cross in the changing room. We co-exist because we never see each other.
So those are the regulars but recently some more people have shown up and they are just throwing me off my game and bringing out my totally unjustified ire.
The Tubesock Lady: Ugh. I hate her socks. That's not the reason I don't like her. The real reason is that she took my crosstrainer. I know, I know, I don't own the crosstrainer but it has been the one I have used for over a year and we're, like, buddies. I can't say anything to her but she knows it is my crosstrainer because she pushes by me to get into the gym first and then she throws her sweater into the locker and runs by me. Bitch knows what's up. And I can't even get there earlier because the gym doesn't open until 6. Ugh.
The Teenager: She doesn't bother me but she weirds me out. She shows up around 6:25. She wears a headscarf (totally fine) and wears ballerinas (kinda weird) but then sits on the exercise bike for like 5 minutes. She bikes at the slowest speed, she's practically going backwards. The whole time she's checking out stuff on her phone. After the 5 minutes, she gets up and heads to an exercise machine. She doesn't use it and instead checks more stuff on her phone. The Husband and I think she tells her parents she is going to the gym to workout but really she's there for some texting peace and quiet. I guess I understand that but still. I'm schvitzing over here!
The Sorority Girls: Now there are no such things as sororities over here but these girls sure fit the mold. They are blonde, thin and well, no offense to sororities, kinda bitchy. Luckily they don't show up until 6:30 or else I'd have to slap a 90 pound bitch for my other crosstrainer. When I finished today, I stepped off the crosstrainer and went to get the disinfectant to wipe down my equipment. Sorority girl number 1 ran over from her treadmill and threw her stuff on to the crosstrainer. Calm down there Barbie. I'm just going to wipe my Jew sweat off and then it is all yours.
The Locker Creep: See, there is a whole room of lockers at our disposal. I choose the locker closest to the door (in an attempt to beat Tubesock Lady, one day, one day) and no one is around me. Now, when I finish a workout, there's a woman who has chosen the locker right beside mine. RIGHT BESIDE MINE. I try to get my stuff without accidentally feeling her up and it drives.me.nuts. Why? Why must she be right beside me? There are dozens of other lockers. GAH!
So those are the new players. You might see me featured in the news "Canadian Chick Smacks a Bitch At Gym"...
Anyway, things are weird at the gym lately. The past few months there have been the regulars. Below is the list of players I deal with at 6:00 a.m.:
The grandma: I'm not sure how old she is. She's probably in her 50's but her hair screams older. She is pretty dedicated and seems to come every weekday morning. What I can't figure out is why she comes to the gym in full work clothes and then changes into gym clothes. Ain't nobody got time for that. We co-exist because she hits the treadmill and then the bike and avoids the crosstrainer. She doesn't like me because I don't talk to her. At 6 in the morning. At the gym. Before my coffee.
The guys girl: She's in her 20's. Brings a backpack and laptop so I assume she heads to work after. She works out in the general area and not in the women's area. Our paths only cross in the changing room. We co-exist because we never see each other.
The bitch: She's not there so often. She's in her 40's and she just wants to talk and talk. When I didn't go for a few weeks in the winter, she decided to point this out by yelling over to me, across the room. I don't like her and she doesn't like me because I don't talk to her. At 6 in the morning. At the gym. Before my coffee.
The couple: Guy and girl. Attractive. They work out together in the general area. Our paths only cross in the changing room. We co-exist because we never see each other.
So those are the regulars but recently some more people have shown up and they are just throwing me off my game and bringing out my totally unjustified ire.
The Tubesock Lady: Ugh. I hate her socks. That's not the reason I don't like her. The real reason is that she took my crosstrainer. I know, I know, I don't own the crosstrainer but it has been the one I have used for over a year and we're, like, buddies. I can't say anything to her but she knows it is my crosstrainer because she pushes by me to get into the gym first and then she throws her sweater into the locker and runs by me. Bitch knows what's up. And I can't even get there earlier because the gym doesn't open until 6. Ugh.
The Teenager: She doesn't bother me but she weirds me out. She shows up around 6:25. She wears a headscarf (totally fine) and wears ballerinas (kinda weird) but then sits on the exercise bike for like 5 minutes. She bikes at the slowest speed, she's practically going backwards. The whole time she's checking out stuff on her phone. After the 5 minutes, she gets up and heads to an exercise machine. She doesn't use it and instead checks more stuff on her phone. The Husband and I think she tells her parents she is going to the gym to workout but really she's there for some texting peace and quiet. I guess I understand that but still. I'm schvitzing over here!
The Sorority Girls: Now there are no such things as sororities over here but these girls sure fit the mold. They are blonde, thin and well, no offense to sororities, kinda bitchy. Luckily they don't show up until 6:30 or else I'd have to slap a 90 pound bitch for my other crosstrainer. When I finished today, I stepped off the crosstrainer and went to get the disinfectant to wipe down my equipment. Sorority girl number 1 ran over from her treadmill and threw her stuff on to the crosstrainer. Calm down there Barbie. I'm just going to wipe my Jew sweat off and then it is all yours.
The Locker Creep: See, there is a whole room of lockers at our disposal. I choose the locker closest to the door (in an attempt to beat Tubesock Lady, one day, one day) and no one is around me. Now, when I finish a workout, there's a woman who has chosen the locker right beside mine. RIGHT BESIDE MINE. I try to get my stuff without accidentally feeling her up and it drives.me.nuts. Why? Why must she be right beside me? There are dozens of other lockers. GAH!
So those are the new players. You might see me featured in the news "Canadian Chick Smacks a Bitch At Gym"...
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