A Presidential Evening
Guys! My life is insane and seems to be getting crazier week by week. As much as I am spending my life acting like David after the dentist screaming "IS THIS REAL LIFE?" I am also well aware that this craziness is temporary. Sometime in 2027, I will take a break.
Last night was just absolutely surreal... again. A friend of mine who works at a publishing firm kindly invited me to come to another book launch because apparently I was "great!" at the last one. Her words, not mine. She is very kind. I promised her this time that I would not treat the open bar like my personal bar and I have to say that I kept that promise.. kind of.
The book launch was for the First Lady of Austria and well, I about lost my mind when I was invited. There were so many degrees of awesomeness to being able to attend this event and I also like that I actually knew who the person is and so there was definitely a better chance of me making less of an ass out of myself. Debatable. I was so excited that I even booked a make up appointment so that I could look preeettty.. well, maybe decent looking. Let's not exaggerate here, Tova. I also chose a dress that showed a hint of cleavage. Well, my damn bra did not get the memo and over the course of the working day, I went from flirt to street walker as my bra tightened and I think at one point an underwire was lodged between two ribs. The bra also shifted in such a way that the dress no longer showed just a hint of cleavage but rather provided the Cliff Notes of cleavage. HI EVERYBODY!! Gah! I showed up at Dry Bar (after eating something because lesson learned from last time) and asked for the classic cat eye and well, let's just say that with the revealing dress and the very heavy eye make up, I was definitely going to stand out.
I showed up at 6:25 at the venue and stood in line. The woman with the list located my name and then said "Oh, you didn't RSVP so I can't let you in." This was the moment that I had kind of expected because of course. I stuttered and said "Um, my friend B.B. invited me." like somehow that would make a difference. The woman with the list said "Ok, but you still didn't RSVP." and there was a brief moment of silent communication and because I am an idiot, it took me a second to get it. "Oh, oh, right. I will just give her a call?" and she nodded and I stepped to the side, feeling like I was being denied entrance into Studio 54. Like I ever would have been at Studio 54. I literally have no street cred. I texted my friend that I wasn't being let in downstairs but I had the suspicion that she was busy, oh I don't know, preparing for the book launch for the FIRST LADY OF AUSTRIA!!! After a few painfully awkward minutes, the woman with the clip board came up to me and said "Oh, alright, just go on in." Maybe she has a heart of gold or maybe she saw that if I didn't go in, I would end up in a bar around the corner, drinking wine heavily and talking to myself while making up stories of how I met the First Lady and President of Austria and how were are now Facebook friends. A Viennese Mrs. Havisham I would be.
I checked my cape (yaassss, classy) and headed upstairs. The launch was in the Theater Museum (which I have never been to) and it was spectacular. I grabbed a glass of champagne and tried to look like I was relaxed. I wasn't. The funny thing with events like these is that people will scan the room to see who they know or who is important. I was dismissed immediately. It might have had something to do with the bra that was trying to destroy me or my clown whore make up. I walked through to the main room for the launch and grabbed a seat by the aisle. The room filled up quickly and it was interesting to see the crowd. Were I to be a better educated person, I would have probably recognized some faces. Perhaps one of my resolutions should be "Learn stuff about Austrians who do stuff and that stuff sometimes put them in newspapers and on the news and stuff."
Just after 7, Ms. Fischer entered the room and then 'was followed by the President. At that point the cameras went nuts and I went on Facebook because I love THIS STUFF! The host of the event (owner of the Brandstaetter Verlag) did an opening speech and then my friend B.B. gave a great speech about the conception of the book. Then Ms. Fischer was called to the small stage where she was interviewed about her book. One thing that struck me was how soft spoken she was and how she just had an incredible aura of calm. This also drove home the fact that I could probably never be a politician's wife because, well, I'm loud and obnoxious. Ms. Fischer's book is about her life and she read some excerpts from it. I think the best part is when she mentioned that her father (who had been in a camp for a year during World War II (he is Jewish)) was at her husband's swearing in ceremony. A 95 year old survivor watching his son in law become President of Austria. Goosebumps, kids, goosebumps! The President is also a total ham and the energy bouncing off of him is amazing. The interview ended and then the cocktail party started. The President walked by me at one point and gave me a wink. I later told B.B. about this and she was like "He does that to everybody" and I raised my fist and shouted KERBLAST! I had assumed the wink had meant "There's a competent looking woman with seemingly decent intelligence who obviously should hang out at our future dinner parties thanks to her obvious wit." But no. He is just a really nice guy who greets everybody kindly. After my almost brush with fame, I stood off to the side to avoid the crowd and then decided to take a little tour of the museum, I walked down the steps and spied a courtyard. It was practically balmy out so I stepped out and greeted my friend and then that became the hot zone. Oh yes, game on Tova, game on. Your stage awaits.
I met some lovely people in that courtyard and the always hospitable host of the event (not Ms. Fischer) had the initiative to go upstairs and grab some glasses, a couple bottles of wine and a lovely server. This guy might be my spirit animal. At one point I started chatting to a lovely woman. I asked her where she was from and she said Vienna. Then she said "You are obviously not from Vienna." And the smart ass I am responded with "Graz" she laughed and I said "Well, actually Canadian. From Graz." and I couldn't stop myself "We are a small ethnic Canadian group who have called Graz our home for the past 200 years. While we have adapted to Austrian cultures, we have been able to maintain our folklore and maple syrup festivals." SHUT UP, TOVA! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?
Luckily the woman smiled politely and I took another big sip of wine and looked around the courtyard, wondering who else I could make feel incredibly uncomfortable. I chatted to some more people and surprisingly kept the conversation light and easy - well, at least I think so. One woman came over to chat and she was incredibly eccentric and I kind of crushed on her. Nobody knew who she was when I asked "WHO WAS THAT?!" after she left so I like to believe she is some millionaire, ready to throw money at my future autism center.. a patron, if you will. Too bad I didn't stick a business card in her dog's collar. Did I mention she brought her adorable dog to the book launch? Vienna, you so awesome. You so strange. You keep doing you. It was already nine o'clock and the Museum was going to start kicking us out soon. A server brought down another bottle of wine and said, and I quote "Just in case you run out." and I laughed and I laughed and held out my glass. We were then officially kicked out shortly thereafter and the host decided that this party couldn't just end like that so he rounded up about 9 of us, called a couple of places and then off to the Albertina Do and Co we went. I wasn't sure if I had actually been invited but I figured that if I kept walking with them, they might just have to let me sit with them because nobody wants to be the asshole who says "You can't sit with us." Especially to a woman who is spackled in war paint that one tear could cause severe melting of the face syndrome.
I originally had thought I was going to grab a drink with B.B. after the launch but somehow I ended up at an office party. I have no shame, obviously. Next thing you know I will be crashing Baptisms because, wine. Ugh. We took the escalator up and walked into the fancy schmancy restaurant. The woman at the door took all of our coats and I was impressed with her upper body strength. We were led to a beautifully set table and mineral water was poured into our glasses immediately. White wine started to make the rounds. Menus were passed around and I was given the English menu because I guess them hearing "THIS PLACE IS SO PRETTY!" clued them into my Graz Canadian heritage. The host assigned the seating and the conversation flowed because my wine flowed. At one point I winked at the waiter and declared "You are my favourite person!". Ugh. I did not order food because as I announced to anybody who was still listening to me "I ate before because I didn't want to get tipsy! Ahahaha" and then took a big sip of wine. At one point I saw someone's plate of food and I was like "WHAT IS THAT?! Is that garlic bread?" one person said, "I don't think you want to know what that is." and then I leaned over and then gasped in horror. Marrow. Blergh. I was on fire, guys. At one point there was a slight lull in the conversation, or there wasn't but I decided to act like I was smart and stuff and I solemnly said "And Ernst Fuchs passed away." there were some nods and murmurs of how he lived a full life and then someone said that Helmut Schmidt had just passed away and I misunderstood and heard Harold Schmidt who was like Germany's answer to Letterman and I exclaimed "What?! My God! He was great on TV! His sense of humour was not bad at all!" and then I stopped and realized that I was thinking of the wrong guy because the table got a little too quiet. Yeah, turns out Helmut Schmidt was Germany's Chancellor 1972-1984. Dammit, Tova. Less reality TV, more newspapers.
It was shortly after that final faux pas that I slowly decided it was time for me to head home. It truly was an amazing night, filled with a President and his wife, wine, courtyards, eccentric and lovely people. It truly was a night to remember and I actually semi-behaved. I picked up a copy of Margit Fischer's book Was Wir Weitergeben and I am looking forward to reading it. I suggest you all do the same because she seems like a very nice as well as fascinating lady! I wish you all a wonderful day!
Last night was just absolutely surreal... again. A friend of mine who works at a publishing firm kindly invited me to come to another book launch because apparently I was "great!" at the last one. Her words, not mine. She is very kind. I promised her this time that I would not treat the open bar like my personal bar and I have to say that I kept that promise.. kind of.
The book launch was for the First Lady of Austria and well, I about lost my mind when I was invited. There were so many degrees of awesomeness to being able to attend this event and I also like that I actually knew who the person is and so there was definitely a better chance of me making less of an ass out of myself. Debatable. I was so excited that I even booked a make up appointment so that I could look preeettty.. well, maybe decent looking. Let's not exaggerate here, Tova. I also chose a dress that showed a hint of cleavage. Well, my damn bra did not get the memo and over the course of the working day, I went from flirt to street walker as my bra tightened and I think at one point an underwire was lodged between two ribs. The bra also shifted in such a way that the dress no longer showed just a hint of cleavage but rather provided the Cliff Notes of cleavage. HI EVERYBODY!! Gah! I showed up at Dry Bar (after eating something because lesson learned from last time) and asked for the classic cat eye and well, let's just say that with the revealing dress and the very heavy eye make up, I was definitely going to stand out.
I showed up at 6:25 at the venue and stood in line. The woman with the list located my name and then said "Oh, you didn't RSVP so I can't let you in." This was the moment that I had kind of expected because of course. I stuttered and said "Um, my friend B.B. invited me." like somehow that would make a difference. The woman with the list said "Ok, but you still didn't RSVP." and there was a brief moment of silent communication and because I am an idiot, it took me a second to get it. "Oh, oh, right. I will just give her a call?" and she nodded and I stepped to the side, feeling like I was being denied entrance into Studio 54. Like I ever would have been at Studio 54. I literally have no street cred. I texted my friend that I wasn't being let in downstairs but I had the suspicion that she was busy, oh I don't know, preparing for the book launch for the FIRST LADY OF AUSTRIA!!! After a few painfully awkward minutes, the woman with the clip board came up to me and said "Oh, alright, just go on in." Maybe she has a heart of gold or maybe she saw that if I didn't go in, I would end up in a bar around the corner, drinking wine heavily and talking to myself while making up stories of how I met the First Lady and President of Austria and how were are now Facebook friends. A Viennese Mrs. Havisham I would be.
I checked my cape (yaassss, classy) and headed upstairs. The launch was in the Theater Museum (which I have never been to) and it was spectacular. I grabbed a glass of champagne and tried to look like I was relaxed. I wasn't. The funny thing with events like these is that people will scan the room to see who they know or who is important. I was dismissed immediately. It might have had something to do with the bra that was trying to destroy me or my clown whore make up. I walked through to the main room for the launch and grabbed a seat by the aisle. The room filled up quickly and it was interesting to see the crowd. Were I to be a better educated person, I would have probably recognized some faces. Perhaps one of my resolutions should be "Learn stuff about Austrians who do stuff and that stuff sometimes put them in newspapers and on the news and stuff."
Just after 7, Ms. Fischer entered the room and then 'was followed by the President. At that point the cameras went nuts and I went on Facebook because I love THIS STUFF! The host of the event (owner of the Brandstaetter Verlag) did an opening speech and then my friend B.B. gave a great speech about the conception of the book. Then Ms. Fischer was called to the small stage where she was interviewed about her book. One thing that struck me was how soft spoken she was and how she just had an incredible aura of calm. This also drove home the fact that I could probably never be a politician's wife because, well, I'm loud and obnoxious. Ms. Fischer's book is about her life and she read some excerpts from it. I think the best part is when she mentioned that her father (who had been in a camp for a year during World War II (he is Jewish)) was at her husband's swearing in ceremony. A 95 year old survivor watching his son in law become President of Austria. Goosebumps, kids, goosebumps! The President is also a total ham and the energy bouncing off of him is amazing. The interview ended and then the cocktail party started. The President walked by me at one point and gave me a wink. I later told B.B. about this and she was like "He does that to everybody" and I raised my fist and shouted KERBLAST! I had assumed the wink had meant "There's a competent looking woman with seemingly decent intelligence who obviously should hang out at our future dinner parties thanks to her obvious wit." But no. He is just a really nice guy who greets everybody kindly. After my almost brush with fame, I stood off to the side to avoid the crowd and then decided to take a little tour of the museum, I walked down the steps and spied a courtyard. It was practically balmy out so I stepped out and greeted my friend and then that became the hot zone. Oh yes, game on Tova, game on. Your stage awaits.
I met some lovely people in that courtyard and the always hospitable host of the event (not Ms. Fischer) had the initiative to go upstairs and grab some glasses, a couple bottles of wine and a lovely server. This guy might be my spirit animal. At one point I started chatting to a lovely woman. I asked her where she was from and she said Vienna. Then she said "You are obviously not from Vienna." And the smart ass I am responded with "Graz" she laughed and I said "Well, actually Canadian. From Graz." and I couldn't stop myself "We are a small ethnic Canadian group who have called Graz our home for the past 200 years. While we have adapted to Austrian cultures, we have been able to maintain our folklore and maple syrup festivals." SHUT UP, TOVA! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?
Luckily the woman smiled politely and I took another big sip of wine and looked around the courtyard, wondering who else I could make feel incredibly uncomfortable. I chatted to some more people and surprisingly kept the conversation light and easy - well, at least I think so. One woman came over to chat and she was incredibly eccentric and I kind of crushed on her. Nobody knew who she was when I asked "WHO WAS THAT?!" after she left so I like to believe she is some millionaire, ready to throw money at my future autism center.. a patron, if you will. Too bad I didn't stick a business card in her dog's collar. Did I mention she brought her adorable dog to the book launch? Vienna, you so awesome. You so strange. You keep doing you. It was already nine o'clock and the Museum was going to start kicking us out soon. A server brought down another bottle of wine and said, and I quote "Just in case you run out." and I laughed and I laughed and held out my glass. We were then officially kicked out shortly thereafter and the host decided that this party couldn't just end like that so he rounded up about 9 of us, called a couple of places and then off to the Albertina Do and Co we went. I wasn't sure if I had actually been invited but I figured that if I kept walking with them, they might just have to let me sit with them because nobody wants to be the asshole who says "You can't sit with us." Especially to a woman who is spackled in war paint that one tear could cause severe melting of the face syndrome.
I originally had thought I was going to grab a drink with B.B. after the launch but somehow I ended up at an office party. I have no shame, obviously. Next thing you know I will be crashing Baptisms because, wine. Ugh. We took the escalator up and walked into the fancy schmancy restaurant. The woman at the door took all of our coats and I was impressed with her upper body strength. We were led to a beautifully set table and mineral water was poured into our glasses immediately. White wine started to make the rounds. Menus were passed around and I was given the English menu because I guess them hearing "THIS PLACE IS SO PRETTY!" clued them into my Graz Canadian heritage. The host assigned the seating and the conversation flowed because my wine flowed. At one point I winked at the waiter and declared "You are my favourite person!". Ugh. I did not order food because as I announced to anybody who was still listening to me "I ate before because I didn't want to get tipsy! Ahahaha" and then took a big sip of wine. At one point I saw someone's plate of food and I was like "WHAT IS THAT?! Is that garlic bread?" one person said, "I don't think you want to know what that is." and then I leaned over and then gasped in horror. Marrow. Blergh. I was on fire, guys. At one point there was a slight lull in the conversation, or there wasn't but I decided to act like I was smart and stuff and I solemnly said "And Ernst Fuchs passed away." there were some nods and murmurs of how he lived a full life and then someone said that Helmut Schmidt had just passed away and I misunderstood and heard Harold Schmidt who was like Germany's answer to Letterman and I exclaimed "What?! My God! He was great on TV! His sense of humour was not bad at all!" and then I stopped and realized that I was thinking of the wrong guy because the table got a little too quiet. Yeah, turns out Helmut Schmidt was Germany's Chancellor 1972-1984. Dammit, Tova. Less reality TV, more newspapers.
It was shortly after that final faux pas that I slowly decided it was time for me to head home. It truly was an amazing night, filled with a President and his wife, wine, courtyards, eccentric and lovely people. It truly was a night to remember and I actually semi-behaved. I picked up a copy of Margit Fischer's book Was Wir Weitergeben and I am looking forward to reading it. I suggest you all do the same because she seems like a very nice as well as fascinating lady! I wish you all a wonderful day!
Thanks for teaching me some history! Super interesting that the First Lady has a Jewish father! I'll have to learn a bit more German to actually read the book, but noted for the future.
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