The Hair Diaries
Oh you guys. I did a bad thing. A very bad thing. I was away for the weekend for a funeral and I will write about that soon because it was a life-changing event and I am so glad that I was able to be there. So that will be a post in a day or two... but back to the very bad no good thing I did. I dyed my hair. Now, I be no stranger to the at-home hair dye. In fact, I probably could major in chemistry by now or test positive for asbestos. I have had every hair colour you could ever imagine and I would like to believe that I rocked them all. Well, depending on the lighting and my make up. So anyway, I got it into my head that I wanted to be a redhead again. Stupid stupid. I figured that after my recent haircut, I would have healthier hair and that the colour would just take to it. I figured wrong. Oh so very wrong. Monday morning, after a quick run to the drug store, I locked the Kid out of the bathroom (3.5 year olds are determined little buggers - we need to re-paint the door) and applied a ruby red dye. Deciding to go the extra mile, I added dye to my eyebrows. As the dye sat on my head and the Kid got high off the fumes, I Google Imaged pictures of famous redheads. Emma Stone kept popping up and I thought, also high off the fumes, I'm so going to be pretty. After the 30 minutes, I stepped in the shower. Washed out the dye. Wrapped my head in a towel and thought about how my eyes would just "pop!". Yeah. About that.
And this is what I saw an hour later. But my hair was darker in spots and parts were ketchup red. I looked like I was malting. And the best part? I had hot pink and orange eyebrows. The shame.
Since I was at home with the Kid for most of the day, I had to hide my shame from myself. I coloured in my eyebrows and waited for the Nanny to come. I then ran to the drugstore and bought two different packs of lightening dye and then visited a wine bar to convince myself that platinum blonde would be great on me. JUST GREAT. When the Husband got home, he looked at me and stuttered "Your eyebrows!" and I screeched "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" and then I cried a little. After dinner, I started on the first pack. The burning I will never forget. After it dried, I did the next step that involved more bleach. I couldn't bear to look at myself so I went to bed with wet hair and ignored the scabbing. In the morning, I leapt out of bed, hoping to see a buxom Gwen Stefani in the mirror. And.... no.
Apparently I turned myself into a golden hamster. Fanfuckingtastic.
So I wore a bandana to work today. A nice one in cream and with an Hermes motif. I made it through with a minimal amount of GUFFAWING from co-workers and headed back to the drug store in the evening. I'm a junkie with customer loyalty points coming out of my ass. And so now, I sit with dark brown dye in my hair and literally am praying that I still have some hair left in an hour. Life, it's awesome.
And this is what I saw an hour later. But my hair was darker in spots and parts were ketchup red. I looked like I was malting. And the best part? I had hot pink and orange eyebrows. The shame.
Since I was at home with the Kid for most of the day, I had to hide my shame from myself. I coloured in my eyebrows and waited for the Nanny to come. I then ran to the drugstore and bought two different packs of lightening dye and then visited a wine bar to convince myself that platinum blonde would be great on me. JUST GREAT. When the Husband got home, he looked at me and stuttered "Your eyebrows!" and I screeched "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" and then I cried a little. After dinner, I started on the first pack. The burning I will never forget. After it dried, I did the next step that involved more bleach. I couldn't bear to look at myself so I went to bed with wet hair and ignored the scabbing. In the morning, I leapt out of bed, hoping to see a buxom Gwen Stefani in the mirror. And.... no.
Apparently I turned myself into a golden hamster. Fanfuckingtastic.
So I wore a bandana to work today. A nice one in cream and with an Hermes motif. I made it through with a minimal amount of GUFFAWING from co-workers and headed back to the drug store in the evening. I'm a junkie with customer loyalty points coming out of my ass. And so now, I sit with dark brown dye in my hair and literally am praying that I still have some hair left in an hour. Life, it's awesome.
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