Bikram Yoga Poses 10-18 - My Interpretation

A big thank you once again to the Bikram Yoga Loft for not hating me for my previous post. Now I feel like I can continue with my irreverent interpretation of ancient poses. Yay me. No shame. So, we ended with pose 9 the other day so let us move onto pose 10. Walk with me... or limp if you just finished a class.

Standing separate-leg head-to-knee pose: Dandayamana bibhaktapada janushirasana
(Translation: Internal organs sucked into rib cage, can't breathe)


Benefits according to me: Getting a closer look at my hairy toes
Real benefits: Works digestive system, slims belly, stretches shoulders, etc.

Tree pose: Tadasana
(Translation: Buh bye knee cartilage)


Benefits according to me: Seeing my lizard feet and feeling shame
Real benefits: Relieves lower back pain, enhances mobility of knees and hips, etc.

Toe stand pose: Padangustasana
(Translation: Oh hell no)


Benefits according to me: When I actually can do it, I will let you know (est. time: 2035)
Real benefits: Builds balance and concentration, strengthens joints and stomach muscles, etc.

Corpse pose: Savasana
(Translation: Oh thank you sweet merciful gods of Yoga. Thank you (silent weeping in relief))



Benefits according to me: I excel at this pose
Real benefits: Cures fatigue and jetlag, focuses on breathing, etc.

Wind-removing pose: Pavanamuktasana
(Translation: Stupid chili con carne and your magical stupid beans and stupid delicious beer)


Benefits according to me: Getting rid of that stupid chili con carne and magical stupid bean bloat and stupid delicious beer bloat.
Real benefits: Cures and prevents flatulence (um, sure, prevents), improves flexibility of hip joints, etc.

Bikram sit-up pose
(Translation: THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! IT IS 40 DEGREES IN HERE AND YOU WANT ME TO DO A SIT-UP?! ARE YOU MAD?!?)


Benefits according to me: Learning to contain ire and desperation
Real benefits: Energizes body, tones torso, etc.

Cobra pose: Bhujangasana
(Translation: Big boobs lift upper body all on their own. How about that?)


Benefits according to me: Boobs strong, boobs smart like ox.
Real benefits: Targets lower back, relieves back ache, etc.


Locust pose: Salabhasana
(Translation: T-Rex arms do not turn like that. T-Rex mad. T-Rex also no can  breathe)



Benefits according to me: Wide upper body hides T-Rex arms
Real benefits: Boosts circulation, targets upper back, builds core strength

Full locust pose: Poorna Salabhasana
(Translation: Ugh, uch. Gah. Jdknfpisehfspi. Shit)

Benefits according to me: Temporarily get excited that I'm the attractive bendy woman in front of me reflected in the mirror. Then realize I am not Asian.
Real benefits: Increases spinal strength, improves function of liver and spleen, etc.

And so those are the next 9 poses. Stay tuned for the last set of poses.

Namaste Motherlovers!

Pictures courtesy of: www.bikramyogaposesguide.com

Comments

  1. Master Namra7 September 2020 at 06:21

    The way you are teaching yoga is amazing. I literally loved your method. We have started such website to teach Yoga poses for kids and elder people.You guys can make a visit to our website and give us some feedback about it.
    https://searchayurvedic.com/yoga-poses/what-are-salabhasana-benefits-and-steps/

    ReplyDelete

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