Why Santa Doesn't Visit Jewish Houses
The other night I was tucked in bed and thinking about Christmas. I freaking love Christmas and well Hanukkah, too. Hi Mom. But Christmas growing up was always amazing. We would open gifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day meant a Santa gift as well and Chinese food in the evening (that's Jewish right there). Santa gifts were great and I can't wait for Raphael to be aware of Santa so that I can blackmail him in the months leading up to Christmas.
"You touch that lamp one more time and Santa won't come. Or he'll come and take Teddy to work in his sweatshop. That's right, walk away from the lamp. Sucker."
But as I thought about Christmas past, I came up with a theory as to why Santa usually stays clear of Jewish houses... Two words: Jewish mothers. Think about it. Santa's pretty successful. He's got a multinational corporation, staff, and is famous. Ergo, the perfect son in law. Picture Santa showing up at the Rosenbaum's. Mrs. Rosenbaum would be right there at the chimney with knish "Have you met my daughter Betty? Have a knish. You must be starved. Have you met Betty?" and then Mrs. Rosenbaum would thrust a knish and her Betty at poor Santa and the poor jolly old elf wouldn't have a chance in Hell to get to the other houses in one night. And that folks, is why Jews stick to Menorahs (no pine needles to clean up), guilt (it's TRADITION!) and Chinese food.
I married an Austrian. I get a tree, a Menorah and cheap cheese. Happy Holidays!!
"You touch that lamp one more time and Santa won't come. Or he'll come and take Teddy to work in his sweatshop. That's right, walk away from the lamp. Sucker."
But as I thought about Christmas past, I came up with a theory as to why Santa usually stays clear of Jewish houses... Two words: Jewish mothers. Think about it. Santa's pretty successful. He's got a multinational corporation, staff, and is famous. Ergo, the perfect son in law. Picture Santa showing up at the Rosenbaum's. Mrs. Rosenbaum would be right there at the chimney with knish "Have you met my daughter Betty? Have a knish. You must be starved. Have you met Betty?" and then Mrs. Rosenbaum would thrust a knish and her Betty at poor Santa and the poor jolly old elf wouldn't have a chance in Hell to get to the other houses in one night. And that folks, is why Jews stick to Menorahs (no pine needles to clean up), guilt (it's TRADITION!) and Chinese food.
I married an Austrian. I get a tree, a Menorah and cheap cheese. Happy Holidays!!
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