30 Plus Hours with the Kid
Now, first of all, this is an obnoxious post. Second of all, hats off to all the single parents out there. I have said it before in this blog and I will keep saying it until my dying day, single parents are incredible! Third of all, I am not a single parent, nor do I play one on TV, so this upcoming week of being on my own with the Kid is no way close to what single parents go through. But if you haven't figured it out by now... I am nothing if not dramatic.
Let me just state that I am a decent mom. Not the best, but definitely not Kris Jenner. Or Tan Mom. But I am not a great adult. I would eat pizza everyday were I not scared of getting scurvy or having to give myself a sponge bath. I consider wine a fruit and I have set things on fire accidentally, often. So, me on my own? No bueno. But I can do it. Sure, I might bitch about it, but I will be fine. 2 nights down, 6 to go! Huzzah!! Hold me. So let's see how the first 30 plus hours went on my own, without an adult. Here we go!
Thursday
8:00 a.m. Bring Kid to kindergarten. Toss him in before I am asked any questions. But not after forced hugs. Must look like doting Earth Mother.
9:00 a.m. Booked limo picks up the Husband. This is confirmed after this text is sent "Did the car arrive on time?!?! ARE YOU IN THE CAR?!?!"
9:10 a.m. Check phone repeatedly to see if kindergarten has called.
9:15 a.m. Laugh with friend at work about something idiotic. Oh, and laugh again about the conversation with S.S. the day before. She thought POTUS was a name. She once remarked while watching House of Cards, after watching Veep "Hey, the president has the same name!" Cue snorting laughter and inside knowing I would have said the same thing a couple of years back.
9:20 a.m. Check phone for missed calls.
10:00 a.m. Text from the Husband telling me he has checked in. It took 25 minutes. I feel like the Vienna International Airport is losing its edge. Last month I was checked in within 3 minutes.
10:10 a.m. Check phone for missed calls. Still jumpy about the Kid's freak outs last week.
10:25 a.m. The Husband texts "Just waiting for my gate number to be announced." I am about to respond with "WHAT?!?! How is that not up yet!?!?" and then remember he booked with cheapo airline.
10:45 a.m. Laugh at Office Twin over something stupid.
10:47 a.m. Check phone for missed calls.
11:00 a.m. Look at Angelina Jolie's recent pictures. Lady has had a lot of work done. Maybe I should have work done.
11:10 a.m. Check phone for missed calls (ball of anxiety, I am)
11:15 a.m. The Husband texts me that he is boarding plane. I tell him to have a safe flight. Which in retrospect is a stupid thing to write unless the Husband is a pilot.
11:20 a.m. Check phone for missed calls.
11:30 a.m. Take a bunch of Maltesers from communal bowl in Office Twin's office.
11:42 a.m. The Husband's flight has taken off. 2 minutes late.
11:50 a.m. Check phone for missed calls. Feel like I can start to relax because lunch is being served at the kindergarten and the Kid does lunch well.
12:00 a.m. Steal some more Maltesers.
12:30 a.m. Take short walk with friend at lunch time. We bake.
12:45 a.m. Check phone for missed calls. I think we are in the clear.
1:15 p.m. Stupidly decide to track the Husband's flight. Seems like he is flying over Italy or something.
1:30 p.m. Text Nanny to make sure the Kid is being good. She confirms he is being great.
1:45 p.m. Check the Husband's flight in real time. ETA originally 2:10 and now says 2:00. Looks like he is approaching Mallorca.
1:50 p.m. Refresh screen on the Husband's flight tracker.
1:51 p.m. Refresh screen.
1:55 p.m. Refresh screen. Looks like plane has not gone further. Internally dry heave.
1:57 p.m. Refresh screen.
1:58 p.m. Refresh screen. They should be landing in 2 minutes but obviously plane has crashed because drama.
1:59 p.m. REFRESH SCREEN REFRESH SCREEN REFRESH SCREEN!!!!
2:00 p.m. Check other arrivals. All have arrived except for Husband's flight. Start dry heaving again. Can't meet new men. Too fluffy. Too demanding. Too obnoxious. I could lose weight though...
2:01 p.m. Refresh screen. Google: PALMA DE MALLORCA AIRPORT HOTLINE
2:02 p.m. Refresh screen. Fucking plane is still miles away from the island. Check CNN for headlines.
2:05 p.m. Boss talks to me for a couple of minutes. Distracted but internally panicked.
2:07 p.m. Refresh screen. WHY HAS HE NOT LANDED YET! THEY SAID 2:00 p.m.!!!
2:09 p.m. Refresh screen. OH THANK YOU HEAVENS ABOVE! THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! I REPEAT, THE EAGLE HAS LANDED.
2:10 p.m. Resume work.
2:11 p.m. Chuckle at my idiocy (BUT TO BE PERFECTLY FAIR: the Husband was scared about flying this time and he grew up flying and even flew in a two seater plane along the Fjords for a week years ago and has bungee jumped and sky dived and so when he says he is suddenly scared about flying, well, I will suddenly lose my ever loving cool. CAPICHE?!? Yeah, back off.)
4:00 p.m. Work day done early and I head out to meet a friend for a quick spritzer (or 2-3).
4:30 p.m. Spritzers are ordered and we talk and laugh and drink. Text one therapy aide to make sure the Kid was good today. Don't want any surprises when I get home. Been a rough day of imagined air disasters.
6:00 p.m. Am back home . Kid is buoyant. See that my Ikea order arrived. The Husband now never has to know. The Nanny leaves and I decide to crack open a Beaujolais and listen to the Great Gatsby Soundtrack. Shut up.
6:15 p.m. Heat up an organic tomato soup I bought. Add flaxseed and wild rice. Am Earth Mother. Know how to turn on stove which is almost like lovingly making my own soup.
6:25 p.m. Kid eats soup and then we watch cartoons. My knee is hurting and I am convinced it is going to storm tonight. Even posted about it on Facebook. Cannot be embarrassed about arthritis knee hurting and then no storm shows up.
6:30 p.m. Still no storm.
7:00 p.m. Give Kid bath. Stands and kicks water most of the time. Bath time over.
7:20 p.m. Watch some more cartoons and fill up my wine. The Husband writes that he is heading to dinner with his parents. I eye the box of Kraft Dinner Mac and Cheese. Soon, my precious... soon.
7:45 p.m. Tell Kid that it is almost bed time. Look at the box of Mac and Cheese. Check TV guide. Cold Creek Manor is on. Isn't that a thriller? I Google it and one writer describes it as "Like Under the Tuscan Sun but on the East Coast." Oooh! Sounds lovely!
8:00 p.m. Put Kid to bed. Look at Pinterest. At 8:05, crawl out of his room
8:15 p.m. Mac and Cheese is done, wine glass filled, sitting on sofa and ready to watch Cold Creek Manor.
8:16 p.m. Drop spoonful of mac and cheese on tshirt. Eat it anyway. Ignore bright orange stain.
8:25 p.m. Think to myself "Isn't it funny how all films that are about people moving out of a big city show the CITY to be the worst thing ever?" Hmmm. Must research this. Also, ate too much. Dying now.
8:45 p.m. Yeah, that movie reviewer on the Interwebs was obviously being sarcastic. This isn't romantic at all.
9:05 p.m. Yeah, I am going to watch Columbo instead. Oh look! He is on a cruise ship! How funny!
9:45 p.m. Kid is asleep, I'm beat, time to head to bed. Ugh. Ate too much.
*****
3:30 a.m. The Kid crawls into my bed. I look at the phone and curse at the time. Two seconds later, a crash of thunder. YES! STORM! I KNEW IT!
3:45 a.m. Snuggling the Kid, hoping he will fall asleep again.
4:15 a.m. Kid still awake. DAMMIT! But storm is blowy and lightening and exciting!
5:00 a.m. Have migrated to living room to watch cartoons. Kid still wide awake. I die.
5:30 a.m. Kid still awake and the high fiber diet is REALLY kicking in.
6:00 a.m. Fuck it. Where's the coffee?
6:45 a.m. Make executive decision that we will stay home today. Cannot risk another call from the kindergarten and between his lack of sleep and explosive digestion... yeah, no.
7 a.m. Text boss "Sorry but can't make it in. Kid awake since 3:30 and has had too much fiber. Meanwhile the Husband is sipping pina coladas on the Loveboat."
7:30 a.m. Give the Kid breakfast.
8:30 a.m. He is running around like he usually does.
9:00 a.m. Still running. I start to put together IKEA chair.
9:30 a.m. Start painting former CD book case. Have big plans for it, HUGE!
10:00 a.m. Kid is starting to get the grumps. No shit.
10:15 a.m. Have finished chair! I AM WONDER WOMAN! I AM AMAZING! Kid could not care less.
10:30 a.m. Doorbell rings. "THE HELL IS THAT?!?" Oh yes! My H&M home order! Yaay pillowcases! Look down and realize I am just wearing a t-shirt and shorts and no bra. Oh well, might as well ruin the delivery guy's day too. And maybe there was a silver lining for missing out on the air conditioning at work.
10:45 a.m. Kid is starting to get upset. He wants to be held and then he wants to be fed but he doesn't know which and I say "Welcome to my world, Kiddo."
11:00 a.m. Freak out time. Oh good. How fun.
11:05 a.m. Relatively short freak out. Praise the Lord. Had to only hold him for 5 minutes and then he clapped his hands together which I guess is his way of tapping out. He sobs, I cry. He brings me to the sofa and wants to be held.
11:15 a.m. He is out like a log. Ugh. Kid. Come on now. I wait about 5 minutes and crab crawl out from under him and take a picture. Heh.
11:30 a.m. I do some laundry and clean up the kitchen. The Nanny is coming at 1 for a couple of hours because I thought I would be at work. I paint the CD holder. And also admire the new IKEA chair which is now at my desk in the bedroom. No more rickety stool for me! I AM ADULT NOW!
11:45 a.m. Put on bra.
11:50 a.m. The Husband Whatsapps me and says he is checking out of the hotel and heading to the cruise ship soon. Since I don't want to ruin his holiday I don't tell him about the freak out.. oh ahahahahaha! What am I, a saint? No, I tell him. But I do add "But we will be fine! Enjoy the ship!"
12:00 noon I look up "topiary" and wonder how hard it would be to maintain one indoors.
12:30 a.m. Kid still passed out.
12:45 a.m. Get my stuff together and try to wake up the Kid. He ignores me.
1:00 p.m. The Nanny arrives and I tell her he is sleeping. I tell her I will be back in a couple of hours and she shoos me out. She has been with us for over 5 years... she knows the score.
1:20 p.m. I arrive at Mariahilferstrasse looking for a topiary. I avoid the Greenpeace guys by pretending to talk on my phone.
1:35 p.m. I choose stores solely based on their air conditioning. It's hawt out, guys.
1:45 p.m. I text the Nanny and ask how he is doing. She write back "He is still sleeping." And I think "Oh crap." When it comes to naps, the Kid doesn't really take them anymore... but if he is being difficult because lack of sleep, we sometimes let him sleep... but we also know that he will most likely not fall asleep until midnight later on. It's a tough choice. I sigh and walk to Mueller for some supplies and then head to the bus station.
2:10 p.m. Stop at Spar to stock up on food for the weekend. They have great air conditioning. I will stare at the cheese for a while.
2:30 p.m. I stop at the bank. They too have air conditioning.
2:45 p.m. I walk past my dream location for the autism center. I need money for it and I need it soon. I wonder how much my kidney would go for?
3:00 p.m. I stop at Cafe Gitarre for a spritzer because I deserve it. Right? Of course not. But I am doing it anyway. I pull out my Kindle and read for a little while... ignoring many e-mails that I am getting.
3:15 p.m. I text the Nanny "How is he doing? Is he awake?" pleasepleasepleaseplease. And she writes back "He is good! Just running around!" Phew.
3:45 p.m. I head back home. The Kid is in good spirits and I thank the Nanny, wish he a good weekend and stock the fridge.
4:00 p.m. I work some more on the CD holder. The Kid runs around. Of course he is running around because he slept like 3 hours in the middle of the day.
4:30 p.m. Open up the box containing my last Ikea purchase. Yeah, no, I'm going to need an adult.
5:00 p.m. The lightbulb in the bathroom is out. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!! Guess candlelight showers for the next week.
5:30 p.m. Wow. This high fiber is really going through the Kid. Look at his waist line? Maybe I should try....
6:00 p.m. I order some Chana Masala and rice and naan online. I am in the mood for Indian food for dinner. I order extra spicy for me. Kid just likes the rice so I don't have to worry about the spice.
6:30 p.m. Food shows up and yeah, not even close to spicy. Come on now! Burn my tongue. Don't show me mercy.
6:35 p.m. The Kid and I sit and eat and then he gets up and runs around some more. It is going to be a long night.
6:45 p.m. The Husband writes me and says he will be offline until Sunday. Tomorrow is a sea day and while WiFi can be bought on the ship, it costs something like 35 euros a day. I can't justify that cost. I guess he really is out to sea.
7:00 p.m. Finish up sofa side table. Totally not what I had planned but hey, looks decent. Check out Instagram @tmspatz to see it. (Plugging for followers. No shame.)
7:15 p.m. Do some laundry. Pin craft stuff. Embroidery and stained glass look like fun! Yay! Am acting like retired lady.
7:20 p.m. I wonder how long it would take me to do the splits.
7:21 p.m. May have pulled groin muscle. Sit back on sofa.
7:30 p.m. Kid and I snuggle on the sofa. Relieved he is in a great mood this evening.
8:00 p.m. Usually the Kid's bedtime is at 8 but he is showing no signs of slowing down. Screwed. Light some candles and pick up a book. Kid runs around in circles. Students upstairs having a party. Should get broom to tell them to KNOCK IT OFF! There will be no fun had tonight. NONE!
8:30 p.m. Pull out some ice cream. Hmmm. I guess I not only mindlessly eat when I am stressed but when I am bored to. This might have been a breakthrough. Whatever, I want ice cream.
8:45 p.m. Send picture of side table to my mom. Wait patiently for praise.
9:00 p.m. Praise arrives in e-mail form. Yaaas.
9:15 p.m. Kid still wired. Stupid naps. I hate naps. I WANT A NAP!!
9:30 p.m. It is so hawt in here. Thermostat says 28 inside. Ugh. Melting.
9:45 p.m. OK Kiddo, let's try sleeping. Take Kid to the bedroom, sit at the foot of his bed, try magic mind trick to make him fall asleep. Does not work.
10:00 p.m. Walk to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. Write a couple of people and wish something decent was on TV. And blast you MTV, you had some great shows back in the day: The Hills was the best thing ever... now it's just crap. Curse you. I miss L.C. I am aware how ridiculous I sound.
10:10 p.m. Kid still babbling to himself. Tell him to lie down and sleep because apparently I truly believe that this time that will really work.
10:15 p.m. Go back to my wine and now scroll through Instagram. Kid still babbling.
10:30 p.m. Decide it is time for me to go to bed. Lie down in bed.
10:45 p.m. Kick off covers. Too hawt. Can't sleep without covers. Bring fan closer to bed.
11:00 p.m. Kid still awake. Decide he can sleep in my bed tonight. Could use the company. Go to
Kid's room and ask if he wants to sleep in my bed. Practically launches himself from his bed. Stupidly turn off his night light before exiting his room. Is like scene from Silence of the Lamb and I grope in the darkness for Kid. He clings to me and we walk out of his room but not before I run into a door. He looks at me, not impressed.
11:10 p.m. I'm out. Not sure if he is. Good night.
****
So there you have it. I'm doing great! RIGHT?!?! AHAHAHAHA! Anyway, the good news is that the Kid slept in until 9 which means no nap today and most likely will be in a decent mood. Around 11 I will take him for a neighbourhood walk and at 5:30 one of his therapy aides is coming to babysit. I am heading der Fuchs for dinner with high school friends and then stopping at a party before heading home. Fingers crossed he gets another decent night's sleep tonight and then I can officially be smug mommy again. Have a fabulous Saturday and toodles!
P.S. 6 more nights!
Let me just state that I am a decent mom. Not the best, but definitely not Kris Jenner. Or Tan Mom. But I am not a great adult. I would eat pizza everyday were I not scared of getting scurvy or having to give myself a sponge bath. I consider wine a fruit and I have set things on fire accidentally, often. So, me on my own? No bueno. But I can do it. Sure, I might bitch about it, but I will be fine. 2 nights down, 6 to go! Huzzah!! Hold me. So let's see how the first 30 plus hours went on my own, without an adult. Here we go!
Thursday
8:00 a.m. Bring Kid to kindergarten. Toss him in before I am asked any questions. But not after forced hugs. Must look like doting Earth Mother.
9:00 a.m. Booked limo picks up the Husband. This is confirmed after this text is sent "Did the car arrive on time?!?! ARE YOU IN THE CAR?!?!"
9:10 a.m. Check phone repeatedly to see if kindergarten has called.
9:15 a.m. Laugh with friend at work about something idiotic. Oh, and laugh again about the conversation with S.S. the day before. She thought POTUS was a name. She once remarked while watching House of Cards, after watching Veep "Hey, the president has the same name!" Cue snorting laughter and inside knowing I would have said the same thing a couple of years back.
9:20 a.m. Check phone for missed calls.
10:00 a.m. Text from the Husband telling me he has checked in. It took 25 minutes. I feel like the Vienna International Airport is losing its edge. Last month I was checked in within 3 minutes.
10:10 a.m. Check phone for missed calls. Still jumpy about the Kid's freak outs last week.
10:25 a.m. The Husband texts "Just waiting for my gate number to be announced." I am about to respond with "WHAT?!?! How is that not up yet!?!?" and then remember he booked with cheapo airline.
10:45 a.m. Laugh at Office Twin over something stupid.
10:47 a.m. Check phone for missed calls.
11:00 a.m. Look at Angelina Jolie's recent pictures. Lady has had a lot of work done. Maybe I should have work done.
11:10 a.m. Check phone for missed calls (ball of anxiety, I am)
11:15 a.m. The Husband texts me that he is boarding plane. I tell him to have a safe flight. Which in retrospect is a stupid thing to write unless the Husband is a pilot.
11:20 a.m. Check phone for missed calls.
11:30 a.m. Take a bunch of Maltesers from communal bowl in Office Twin's office.
11:42 a.m. The Husband's flight has taken off. 2 minutes late.
11:50 a.m. Check phone for missed calls. Feel like I can start to relax because lunch is being served at the kindergarten and the Kid does lunch well.
12:00 a.m. Steal some more Maltesers.
12:30 a.m. Take short walk with friend at lunch time. We bake.
12:45 a.m. Check phone for missed calls. I think we are in the clear.
1:15 p.m. Stupidly decide to track the Husband's flight. Seems like he is flying over Italy or something.
1:30 p.m. Text Nanny to make sure the Kid is being good. She confirms he is being great.
1:45 p.m. Check the Husband's flight in real time. ETA originally 2:10 and now says 2:00. Looks like he is approaching Mallorca.
1:50 p.m. Refresh screen on the Husband's flight tracker.
1:51 p.m. Refresh screen.
1:55 p.m. Refresh screen. Looks like plane has not gone further. Internally dry heave.
1:57 p.m. Refresh screen.
1:58 p.m. Refresh screen. They should be landing in 2 minutes but obviously plane has crashed because drama.
1:59 p.m. REFRESH SCREEN REFRESH SCREEN REFRESH SCREEN!!!!
2:00 p.m. Check other arrivals. All have arrived except for Husband's flight. Start dry heaving again. Can't meet new men. Too fluffy. Too demanding. Too obnoxious. I could lose weight though...
2:01 p.m. Refresh screen. Google: PALMA DE MALLORCA AIRPORT HOTLINE
2:02 p.m. Refresh screen. Fucking plane is still miles away from the island. Check CNN for headlines.
2:05 p.m. Boss talks to me for a couple of minutes. Distracted but internally panicked.
2:07 p.m. Refresh screen. WHY HAS HE NOT LANDED YET! THEY SAID 2:00 p.m.!!!
2:09 p.m. Refresh screen. OH THANK YOU HEAVENS ABOVE! THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! I REPEAT, THE EAGLE HAS LANDED.
2:10 p.m. Resume work.
2:11 p.m. Chuckle at my idiocy (BUT TO BE PERFECTLY FAIR: the Husband was scared about flying this time and he grew up flying and even flew in a two seater plane along the Fjords for a week years ago and has bungee jumped and sky dived and so when he says he is suddenly scared about flying, well, I will suddenly lose my ever loving cool. CAPICHE?!? Yeah, back off.)
4:00 p.m. Work day done early and I head out to meet a friend for a quick spritzer (or 2-3).
4:30 p.m. Spritzers are ordered and we talk and laugh and drink. Text one therapy aide to make sure the Kid was good today. Don't want any surprises when I get home. Been a rough day of imagined air disasters.
6:00 p.m. Am back home . Kid is buoyant. See that my Ikea order arrived. The Husband now never has to know. The Nanny leaves and I decide to crack open a Beaujolais and listen to the Great Gatsby Soundtrack. Shut up.
6:15 p.m. Heat up an organic tomato soup I bought. Add flaxseed and wild rice. Am Earth Mother. Know how to turn on stove which is almost like lovingly making my own soup.
6:25 p.m. Kid eats soup and then we watch cartoons. My knee is hurting and I am convinced it is going to storm tonight. Even posted about it on Facebook. Cannot be embarrassed about arthritis knee hurting and then no storm shows up.
6:30 p.m. Still no storm.
7:00 p.m. Give Kid bath. Stands and kicks water most of the time. Bath time over.
7:20 p.m. Watch some more cartoons and fill up my wine. The Husband writes that he is heading to dinner with his parents. I eye the box of Kraft Dinner Mac and Cheese. Soon, my precious... soon.
7:45 p.m. Tell Kid that it is almost bed time. Look at the box of Mac and Cheese. Check TV guide. Cold Creek Manor is on. Isn't that a thriller? I Google it and one writer describes it as "Like Under the Tuscan Sun but on the East Coast." Oooh! Sounds lovely!
8:00 p.m. Put Kid to bed. Look at Pinterest. At 8:05, crawl out of his room
8:15 p.m. Mac and Cheese is done, wine glass filled, sitting on sofa and ready to watch Cold Creek Manor.
8:16 p.m. Drop spoonful of mac and cheese on tshirt. Eat it anyway. Ignore bright orange stain.
8:25 p.m. Think to myself "Isn't it funny how all films that are about people moving out of a big city show the CITY to be the worst thing ever?" Hmmm. Must research this. Also, ate too much. Dying now.
8:45 p.m. Yeah, that movie reviewer on the Interwebs was obviously being sarcastic. This isn't romantic at all.
9:05 p.m. Yeah, I am going to watch Columbo instead. Oh look! He is on a cruise ship! How funny!
9:45 p.m. Kid is asleep, I'm beat, time to head to bed. Ugh. Ate too much.
*****
3:30 a.m. The Kid crawls into my bed. I look at the phone and curse at the time. Two seconds later, a crash of thunder. YES! STORM! I KNEW IT!
3:45 a.m. Snuggling the Kid, hoping he will fall asleep again.
4:15 a.m. Kid still awake. DAMMIT! But storm is blowy and lightening and exciting!
5:00 a.m. Have migrated to living room to watch cartoons. Kid still wide awake. I die.
5:30 a.m. Kid still awake and the high fiber diet is REALLY kicking in.
6:00 a.m. Fuck it. Where's the coffee?
6:45 a.m. Make executive decision that we will stay home today. Cannot risk another call from the kindergarten and between his lack of sleep and explosive digestion... yeah, no.
7 a.m. Text boss "Sorry but can't make it in. Kid awake since 3:30 and has had too much fiber. Meanwhile the Husband is sipping pina coladas on the Loveboat."
7:30 a.m. Give the Kid breakfast.
8:30 a.m. He is running around like he usually does.
9:00 a.m. Still running. I start to put together IKEA chair.
9:30 a.m. Start painting former CD book case. Have big plans for it, HUGE!
10:00 a.m. Kid is starting to get the grumps. No shit.
10:15 a.m. Have finished chair! I AM WONDER WOMAN! I AM AMAZING! Kid could not care less.
10:30 a.m. Doorbell rings. "THE HELL IS THAT?!?" Oh yes! My H&M home order! Yaay pillowcases! Look down and realize I am just wearing a t-shirt and shorts and no bra. Oh well, might as well ruin the delivery guy's day too. And maybe there was a silver lining for missing out on the air conditioning at work.
10:45 a.m. Kid is starting to get upset. He wants to be held and then he wants to be fed but he doesn't know which and I say "Welcome to my world, Kiddo."
11:00 a.m. Freak out time. Oh good. How fun.
11:05 a.m. Relatively short freak out. Praise the Lord. Had to only hold him for 5 minutes and then he clapped his hands together which I guess is his way of tapping out. He sobs, I cry. He brings me to the sofa and wants to be held.
11:15 a.m. He is out like a log. Ugh. Kid. Come on now. I wait about 5 minutes and crab crawl out from under him and take a picture. Heh.
11:30 a.m. I do some laundry and clean up the kitchen. The Nanny is coming at 1 for a couple of hours because I thought I would be at work. I paint the CD holder. And also admire the new IKEA chair which is now at my desk in the bedroom. No more rickety stool for me! I AM ADULT NOW!
11:45 a.m. Put on bra.
11:50 a.m. The Husband Whatsapps me and says he is checking out of the hotel and heading to the cruise ship soon. Since I don't want to ruin his holiday I don't tell him about the freak out.. oh ahahahahaha! What am I, a saint? No, I tell him. But I do add "But we will be fine! Enjoy the ship!"
12:00 noon I look up "topiary" and wonder how hard it would be to maintain one indoors.
12:30 a.m. Kid still passed out.
12:45 a.m. Get my stuff together and try to wake up the Kid. He ignores me.
1:00 p.m. The Nanny arrives and I tell her he is sleeping. I tell her I will be back in a couple of hours and she shoos me out. She has been with us for over 5 years... she knows the score.
1:20 p.m. I arrive at Mariahilferstrasse looking for a topiary. I avoid the Greenpeace guys by pretending to talk on my phone.
1:35 p.m. I choose stores solely based on their air conditioning. It's hawt out, guys.
1:45 p.m. I text the Nanny and ask how he is doing. She write back "He is still sleeping." And I think "Oh crap." When it comes to naps, the Kid doesn't really take them anymore... but if he is being difficult because lack of sleep, we sometimes let him sleep... but we also know that he will most likely not fall asleep until midnight later on. It's a tough choice. I sigh and walk to Mueller for some supplies and then head to the bus station.
2:10 p.m. Stop at Spar to stock up on food for the weekend. They have great air conditioning. I will stare at the cheese for a while.
2:30 p.m. I stop at the bank. They too have air conditioning.
2:45 p.m. I walk past my dream location for the autism center. I need money for it and I need it soon. I wonder how much my kidney would go for?
3:00 p.m. I stop at Cafe Gitarre for a spritzer because I deserve it. Right? Of course not. But I am doing it anyway. I pull out my Kindle and read for a little while... ignoring many e-mails that I am getting.
3:15 p.m. I text the Nanny "How is he doing? Is he awake?" pleasepleasepleaseplease. And she writes back "He is good! Just running around!" Phew.
3:45 p.m. I head back home. The Kid is in good spirits and I thank the Nanny, wish he a good weekend and stock the fridge.
4:00 p.m. I work some more on the CD holder. The Kid runs around. Of course he is running around because he slept like 3 hours in the middle of the day.
4:30 p.m. Open up the box containing my last Ikea purchase. Yeah, no, I'm going to need an adult.
5:00 p.m. The lightbulb in the bathroom is out. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!! Guess candlelight showers for the next week.
5:30 p.m. Wow. This high fiber is really going through the Kid. Look at his waist line? Maybe I should try....
6:00 p.m. I order some Chana Masala and rice and naan online. I am in the mood for Indian food for dinner. I order extra spicy for me. Kid just likes the rice so I don't have to worry about the spice.
6:30 p.m. Food shows up and yeah, not even close to spicy. Come on now! Burn my tongue. Don't show me mercy.
6:35 p.m. The Kid and I sit and eat and then he gets up and runs around some more. It is going to be a long night.
6:45 p.m. The Husband writes me and says he will be offline until Sunday. Tomorrow is a sea day and while WiFi can be bought on the ship, it costs something like 35 euros a day. I can't justify that cost. I guess he really is out to sea.
7:00 p.m. Finish up sofa side table. Totally not what I had planned but hey, looks decent. Check out Instagram @tmspatz to see it. (Plugging for followers. No shame.)
7:15 p.m. Do some laundry. Pin craft stuff. Embroidery and stained glass look like fun! Yay! Am acting like retired lady.
7:20 p.m. I wonder how long it would take me to do the splits.
7:21 p.m. May have pulled groin muscle. Sit back on sofa.
7:30 p.m. Kid and I snuggle on the sofa. Relieved he is in a great mood this evening.
8:00 p.m. Usually the Kid's bedtime is at 8 but he is showing no signs of slowing down. Screwed. Light some candles and pick up a book. Kid runs around in circles. Students upstairs having a party. Should get broom to tell them to KNOCK IT OFF! There will be no fun had tonight. NONE!
8:30 p.m. Pull out some ice cream. Hmmm. I guess I not only mindlessly eat when I am stressed but when I am bored to. This might have been a breakthrough. Whatever, I want ice cream.
8:45 p.m. Send picture of side table to my mom. Wait patiently for praise.
9:00 p.m. Praise arrives in e-mail form. Yaaas.
9:15 p.m. Kid still wired. Stupid naps. I hate naps. I WANT A NAP!!
9:30 p.m. It is so hawt in here. Thermostat says 28 inside. Ugh. Melting.
9:45 p.m. OK Kiddo, let's try sleeping. Take Kid to the bedroom, sit at the foot of his bed, try magic mind trick to make him fall asleep. Does not work.
10:00 p.m. Walk to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. Write a couple of people and wish something decent was on TV. And blast you MTV, you had some great shows back in the day: The Hills was the best thing ever... now it's just crap. Curse you. I miss L.C. I am aware how ridiculous I sound.
10:10 p.m. Kid still babbling to himself. Tell him to lie down and sleep because apparently I truly believe that this time that will really work.
10:15 p.m. Go back to my wine and now scroll through Instagram. Kid still babbling.
10:30 p.m. Decide it is time for me to go to bed. Lie down in bed.
10:45 p.m. Kick off covers. Too hawt. Can't sleep without covers. Bring fan closer to bed.
11:00 p.m. Kid still awake. Decide he can sleep in my bed tonight. Could use the company. Go to
11:10 p.m. I'm out. Not sure if he is. Good night.
****
So there you have it. I'm doing great! RIGHT?!?! AHAHAHAHA! Anyway, the good news is that the Kid slept in until 9 which means no nap today and most likely will be in a decent mood. Around 11 I will take him for a neighbourhood walk and at 5:30 one of his therapy aides is coming to babysit. I am heading der Fuchs for dinner with high school friends and then stopping at a party before heading home. Fingers crossed he gets another decent night's sleep tonight and then I can officially be smug mommy again. Have a fabulous Saturday and toodles!
P.S. 6 more nights!
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