Are You Kidding Me?!?!

I haven't posted in a while. I have been battling a nasty sinus infection. Sinus infections also mean antibiotics. Now, it has been a couple of years since I have been on them, I have forgotten that they give me the... well... the worst digestion ever. The doctor prescribed me a couple of things and one thing was stuff to line my stomach. And I bought it, and then I looked at it and put it in the back of the cabinet and said to myself "Well, I bought shashlik off the street in Moscow and my stomach is just fine and I will be damned if I... ugh" and then had to run to the toilet. Ugh. Rough week. But the silver lining was that the Kid was doing really well at the new daycare. As most of you know, we have lived an epic year in terms of finding a place for the Kid, as well as coming to terms with the fact that our child is special needs.

In May, at the old daycare, we shifted to half days. Then, in June, we went down to 3 half days a week. And then in July, we had no daycare at all. We started at the new place on September 3rd and were amazed at the amazingness of the place. Full support, competent employess and it was just downstairs! Up until yesterday I was seeing the light and feeling hopeful that we could finally get back to "normal life". Meaning... both the Husband and I could go to work, and then come home at a normal time. Yeah, fml.

Yesterday I picked the Kid up at 11:45 and they informed me that he had had a huge freak out. I asked what had happened and they said that they tried to take a walk around the park (our park) and he was not up for it and lost his mind. Now, internally I thought "Why?!?! Why?!?!?" We have spent 4 weeks getting him into your establishment and now you want to take him for a walk?!? Your playground is HUGE! WHY?!?! But I murmured "He's very tired" and they nodded and I took him home. I had a pit in my stomach.

So this morning I took him again. He was well rested. He ran in, the happiest I have seen him in a year and I said my good byes. Sidenote: they told The Husband last week that if The Kid does not eat lunch in front of them, he can't stay so the plan was that I would come at lunch time and somehow foie gras him. Anyway, I left him there, praying he would be chill with the walk around the park and headed home. I may or may not have sat in the kitchen with binoculars, monitoring the exodus. It seemed to go well and then I headed there at 11:45. He was running around the yard, happy as a clam and then the fuckery started.

I was asked about my pregnancy. I was asked about the birth. I was asked if we had at-home support to take care of him. At which point I was all like "Say what?!"

She then tried to inform me that our son was special needs at which point I wanted to be like "Yeah. duh. That's why we are here. Why we were placed here. At the specialty daycare." I wasn't sure where the conversation was going and then she said "Well. He can only stay until noon from now on." At this point my bottom lip started to quiver and I tried to keep it together. Is this real life? Or Hell? Or is this some weird universe joke. I responded with "But. But. We both work full time." and she said "Well, I'm sorry... but your son comes first."

I... I don't even know what to say or think at this point. I am cried out. I drank a lot of wine. I will leave you all with this. My son has always come first. The insinuation that because I work, I am a bad mother.. I can't. I just can't. And so I am going to cry a little more. And just ask for some good thoughts that maybe one day I can look back at this and laugh. Because at this point... it's fucking bleak.