Le Weekend Passe
So I have started taking French again. It is daunting to be using my brain besides for work or all things that glitter. Tres strange to be a student again. And actually a little exciting. I hope that in a few months the Husband will be all like "You have worked so hard! Let's go to FRANCE and I will buy you something French, like... Chanel" and I will be like "Oh oui, oui, oui!" and then we would open some champagne and talk about Les Americans and smokes our Gitaines. Oui! Sacre Bleu.
This past weekend was busy. We hosted our friend's memorial and the total count of visitors came out to 49. Incroyable! Oh, 49 and a dog. I made finger food because then I could forgo the cutlery. The menu was: cucumber sandwiches, pigs in a blanket, toasted gnocchi, hummus with crackers, mini pizzas, honey garlic meatballs and cupcakes. The decor was comprised mainly of red roses because they were Christian's favourite flower. Even a couple of days later, our apartment is fragrant. And not in the toddler fragrant way it usually is.
Sunday was spent cleaning up and recycling. As I mentioned on Facebook, every time I recycle bottles, I like to call it Mommy's Shame and want to yell at people passing by "I DIDN'T DRINK ALL OF THIS! I SWEAR!"
On Sunday I also realized that whatever critical thinking I used to possess has flown out the window. Be it the exhaustion from failed sleep training or the one too many glasses of champagne... but guys, I be dumb. So dumb. Before I continue, just a quick thank you to Drano and to my friend Debra. Both saved my marriage on Sunday. You guys are the best. Yes, Drano is what you think it is. Now a close personal family friend. Judge me for befriending a chemical.
The first gaffe was when I was cleaning up from the party. I decided to flush some meatballs down the toilet since there was still some sauce and garbage bags in this country are porous. I flushed a couple of times and thought "Bye!" About twenty minutes later, as I rounded up more champagne glasses, the Husband yelled out "DEAR! What did you DO?!?!" Yes, I clogged the total with Ikea's best. As I ran back to the toilet in fear, I tried to think of ways to turn this around onto him. One brilliant idea was to say "Well, if you would get off your ass and help me clean the kitchen, this wouldn't have happened!" but luckily I remembered the bottle of Drano tucked away in our bathroom. I grabbed it and ran back to the toilet yelling "I HAVE DRANO! I HAVE DRANO!" I poured a pint into the toilet bowl and informed the Husband that there would be no plumbing for the next couple of hours. He was not amused and I crossed my fingers that I had not destroyed century old pipes.
After the two hours, the Husband flushed and to my greatest relief, there were no more issues. Thank you, Jeebus. But I wasn't done bringing down the old property value of our beautiful rental. Oh no, I still had some stupidity in me.
Halloween is a-coming and this year the party will truly be A Very Martha Halloween. Since I am not taping stuff to the walls, I have to re-haul my normal decorating and come up with a different way to make this place spooktacular. I'm starting by making our normally white living room into a grey and black living room. This requires dark sheets. I don't have dark sheets yet, rather, I have tons and tons of white sheets. So this lead me to the decision to dye ALL THE THINGS! I picked up some fabric dye last week; one flamingo pink sachet and one black one. I used the pink dye to dye a couple of blankets for the living room. Would be a good idea to actually read the instructions. Cheap Ikea blankets do not dye very well. At least they are a little pink. Then I decided to try and dye a large cotton day sheet black... in the tub. In the old tub. I filled up the tub with some warm water, dropped in the dye and then threw in the blanket. Smug that I was saving money by not buying a black blanket. The instructions said to let it soak for about 20 minutes but I like to live dangerously and decided to leave it in there for 2 hours. I left it for 3 hours because I got distracted by comments on an etiquette blog. Oh heart.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at my beautifully dyed blanket and felt smug. Oh so smug.
I turned on some cold water and started to rinse the dye out. I also noticed that the tub seemed to have turned purple. Not the water... the actual tub. I grabbed a little cillit bang and sprayed down the sides. I started to scrub gently, hoping the colour would come out with a couple of wipes. It did not. So applied a little more pressure. Nope. So I started to rub furiously. Nada. Then the panic set in. I ran and got some toilet cleaner and dumped that into the tub. Then some more cillit bang. And for all I know, I just created a dirty bomb. Nothing was working and I knew that if the Husband would see this, he would literally divorce me. I texted my friend Debra after 20 minutes of dry heaving and getting high off homemade vaporized LSD.
"Do you have bleach?"
She responded with "Yes, I am frightened that you ask." Ah. She knows me so well. An hour later she came by with her tools; Ajax, Magic Eraser and bleach. She shook her head at me when she saw the carnage and I tried to keep the Husband out. Obviously he did think it was odd when the two of us went into the bathroom immediately and started whispering. Our typical modus operandi is to head to the kitchen to get wine. I tried to keep the Husband out by promising him he would get to second base later but he pushed his way past. Luckily Debra had success in getting off the dye in one place so he didn't have to consider pushing me down the steps and making it look like an accident. SHE IS A LIFE SAVER! After a couple of minutes, most of the colour was off and I thanked her by opening up wine and not giving into my building panic attack. Hallelujah!
So there you have it, Sunday was the day that I almost destroyed our apartment. I decided to quit after the tub incident. Dying will now take place in a bucket. Lesson learned.
 |
| Let's go to Le McDonalds mon petit chou! |
Sunday was spent cleaning up and recycling. As I mentioned on Facebook, every time I recycle bottles, I like to call it Mommy's Shame and want to yell at people passing by "I DIDN'T DRINK ALL OF THIS! I SWEAR!"
 |
| We call this "going green" in our house. |
On Sunday I also realized that whatever critical thinking I used to possess has flown out the window. Be it the exhaustion from failed sleep training or the one too many glasses of champagne... but guys, I be dumb. So dumb. Before I continue, just a quick thank you to Drano and to my friend Debra. Both saved my marriage on Sunday. You guys are the best. Yes, Drano is what you think it is. Now a close personal family friend. Judge me for befriending a chemical.
 |
| Bffs for eva! |
The first gaffe was when I was cleaning up from the party. I decided to flush some meatballs down the toilet since there was still some sauce and garbage bags in this country are porous. I flushed a couple of times and thought "Bye!" About twenty minutes later, as I rounded up more champagne glasses, the Husband yelled out "DEAR! What did you DO?!?!" Yes, I clogged the total with Ikea's best. As I ran back to the toilet in fear, I tried to think of ways to turn this around onto him. One brilliant idea was to say "Well, if you would get off your ass and help me clean the kitchen, this wouldn't have happened!" but luckily I remembered the bottle of Drano tucked away in our bathroom. I grabbed it and ran back to the toilet yelling "I HAVE DRANO! I HAVE DRANO!" I poured a pint into the toilet bowl and informed the Husband that there would be no plumbing for the next couple of hours. He was not amused and I crossed my fingers that I had not destroyed century old pipes.
After the two hours, the Husband flushed and to my greatest relief, there were no more issues. Thank you, Jeebus. But I wasn't done bringing down the old property value of our beautiful rental. Oh no, I still had some stupidity in me.
Halloween is a-coming and this year the party will truly be A Very Martha Halloween. Since I am not taping stuff to the walls, I have to re-haul my normal decorating and come up with a different way to make this place spooktacular. I'm starting by making our normally white living room into a grey and black living room. This requires dark sheets. I don't have dark sheets yet, rather, I have tons and tons of white sheets. So this lead me to the decision to dye ALL THE THINGS! I picked up some fabric dye last week; one flamingo pink sachet and one black one. I used the pink dye to dye a couple of blankets for the living room. Would be a good idea to actually read the instructions. Cheap Ikea blankets do not dye very well. At least they are a little pink. Then I decided to try and dye a large cotton day sheet black... in the tub. In the old tub. I filled up the tub with some warm water, dropped in the dye and then threw in the blanket. Smug that I was saving money by not buying a black blanket. The instructions said to let it soak for about 20 minutes but I like to live dangerously and decided to leave it in there for 2 hours. I left it for 3 hours because I got distracted by comments on an etiquette blog. Oh heart.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at my beautifully dyed blanket and felt smug. Oh so smug.
I turned on some cold water and started to rinse the dye out. I also noticed that the tub seemed to have turned purple. Not the water... the actual tub. I grabbed a little cillit bang and sprayed down the sides. I started to scrub gently, hoping the colour would come out with a couple of wipes. It did not. So applied a little more pressure. Nope. So I started to rub furiously. Nada. Then the panic set in. I ran and got some toilet cleaner and dumped that into the tub. Then some more cillit bang. And for all I know, I just created a dirty bomb. Nothing was working and I knew that if the Husband would see this, he would literally divorce me. I texted my friend Debra after 20 minutes of dry heaving and getting high off homemade vaporized LSD.
"Do you have bleach?"
She responded with "Yes, I am frightened that you ask." Ah. She knows me so well. An hour later she came by with her tools; Ajax, Magic Eraser and bleach. She shook her head at me when she saw the carnage and I tried to keep the Husband out. Obviously he did think it was odd when the two of us went into the bathroom immediately and started whispering. Our typical modus operandi is to head to the kitchen to get wine. I tried to keep the Husband out by promising him he would get to second base later but he pushed his way past. Luckily Debra had success in getting off the dye in one place so he didn't have to consider pushing me down the steps and making it look like an accident. SHE IS A LIFE SAVER! After a couple of minutes, most of the colour was off and I thanked her by opening up wine and not giving into my building panic attack. Hallelujah!
So there you have it, Sunday was the day that I almost destroyed our apartment. I decided to quit after the tub incident. Dying will now take place in a bucket. Lesson learned.
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