A Really Rough Day
So I don't usually get into a funk. Maybe for 10-15 minutes I will lock myself in the bathroom and let myself cry. Then I will take a few deep breaths and decide to order something online, or read celebrity gossip... but yesterday was one of my lowest days in a long, long time and I am still kind of reeling. I try to keep this blog upbeat because I usually am your bubbly, slightly bitchy neighbourhood cheerleader...but once in a while I need to vent or cry. I also think that it is impossible to always keep this blog upbeat because after a while some people might be like: bitch be trippin.. her life can't be that awesome. And they would be right. Yet, at the same time, I am incredibly grateful for so many things so it feels ridiculous to complain. But complain, I do and I did and I really hope today is a better day.
Friday was a hectic day at work and unfortunately I had to postpone a meeting I had to go to, to look at my photographs I had taken of me in the summer (#notporn). I am going on Monday and I cannot wait! But I was bummed I didn't get to go Friday afternoon. After work, I ran home and set the table; we had friends coming for dinner. The Husband brought the Kid back in the afternoon and he was a hot mess; a series of tantrums, inconsolable crying, etc. This past week, he has woken up in the middle of the night and has started screaming and kicking and both the Husband and I have been on edge. By 6:30 on Friday, the Kid has passed out and we ended up having a lovely dinner with friends. In the morning, I was woken up a 4 by a screaming and aggressive child. I got dressed and headed out at 6 a.m. to meet my friend for our traditional weekend morning walks.
It has been months since our last walk and it was awesome to walk down to the center, around the Ring and then partly through Naschmarkt. I then grabbed the 13A and headed to another friend's new and awesome apartment for a quick coffee and then we went to spinning. On my way back, I texted the Husband and he said that the Kid had had another terrible freak out. Once home, the Kid seemed better and we started packing because the plan was for him to spend the night at the In Laws so that we could get some sleep. But then he freaked out again and we decided we had to cancel the night. I was heartbroken. The Husband took the Kid for an hour to the park and I was able to take a nap and then, when they got home, the real fun started. The Kid had a series of freak outs and at one point he tried to bite me repeatedly. It was terrifying and something we haven't had to deal with. He wasn't my child at that point - his eyes were blank and there was no consoling him. After 10 minutes of holding him off, I picked him up and wrapped him in a blanket until he calmed down. 30 minutes later he was calmer. But then he had another freak out and another. I am being very very honest here because I have to be honest with myself (if that makes any sense). It was the worst day we have ever experienced with him. The lowest of the low.
For a while I have been trying to formulate a plan to get him more treatment here in Vienna. I also need more time to be able to do this. I thought I might have had an opportunity to do this but it isn't going to happen, so yes, more tears and chest thumping. I am dramatic.. and well, heart broken. The only silver lining this morning is that the Kid actually slept well last night. He did kick me out of bed at 5 which is his normal M.O. so I went to the sofa to sleep. I woke up 30 minutes later and he was sitting in front of the sofa in the dark, holding my hand. That moment meant everything to me. He seems to be doing a lot better today and I hope yesterday was a one off for at least a while longer. He has a bit of a smile on his face today and he seems, for lack of better word, happier this morning... so here's hoping. In the afternoon, a friend is coming with her son for a playdate and prosecco. I hope the Kid does not have any freak outs today and that I keep my expectations about my future low, because I don't think my heart can take anymore this weekend.
So that was a brutally honest and sad post. I apologize. I will try and avoid another one of those for a while. I just need to come up with a plan to make more money, find more time in my day, and to get more therapy for the Kid. Also it wouldn't hurt to drop a few more pounds, discover a pain free alternative to Botox and to finally learn the difference between pastrami and smoked meat... long story. Ugh. Sad Tova is sad. Sorry, guys.
Friday was a hectic day at work and unfortunately I had to postpone a meeting I had to go to, to look at my photographs I had taken of me in the summer (#notporn). I am going on Monday and I cannot wait! But I was bummed I didn't get to go Friday afternoon. After work, I ran home and set the table; we had friends coming for dinner. The Husband brought the Kid back in the afternoon and he was a hot mess; a series of tantrums, inconsolable crying, etc. This past week, he has woken up in the middle of the night and has started screaming and kicking and both the Husband and I have been on edge. By 6:30 on Friday, the Kid has passed out and we ended up having a lovely dinner with friends. In the morning, I was woken up a 4 by a screaming and aggressive child. I got dressed and headed out at 6 a.m. to meet my friend for our traditional weekend morning walks.
It has been months since our last walk and it was awesome to walk down to the center, around the Ring and then partly through Naschmarkt. I then grabbed the 13A and headed to another friend's new and awesome apartment for a quick coffee and then we went to spinning. On my way back, I texted the Husband and he said that the Kid had had another terrible freak out. Once home, the Kid seemed better and we started packing because the plan was for him to spend the night at the In Laws so that we could get some sleep. But then he freaked out again and we decided we had to cancel the night. I was heartbroken. The Husband took the Kid for an hour to the park and I was able to take a nap and then, when they got home, the real fun started. The Kid had a series of freak outs and at one point he tried to bite me repeatedly. It was terrifying and something we haven't had to deal with. He wasn't my child at that point - his eyes were blank and there was no consoling him. After 10 minutes of holding him off, I picked him up and wrapped him in a blanket until he calmed down. 30 minutes later he was calmer. But then he had another freak out and another. I am being very very honest here because I have to be honest with myself (if that makes any sense). It was the worst day we have ever experienced with him. The lowest of the low.
For a while I have been trying to formulate a plan to get him more treatment here in Vienna. I also need more time to be able to do this. I thought I might have had an opportunity to do this but it isn't going to happen, so yes, more tears and chest thumping. I am dramatic.. and well, heart broken. The only silver lining this morning is that the Kid actually slept well last night. He did kick me out of bed at 5 which is his normal M.O. so I went to the sofa to sleep. I woke up 30 minutes later and he was sitting in front of the sofa in the dark, holding my hand. That moment meant everything to me. He seems to be doing a lot better today and I hope yesterday was a one off for at least a while longer. He has a bit of a smile on his face today and he seems, for lack of better word, happier this morning... so here's hoping. In the afternoon, a friend is coming with her son for a playdate and prosecco. I hope the Kid does not have any freak outs today and that I keep my expectations about my future low, because I don't think my heart can take anymore this weekend.
So that was a brutally honest and sad post. I apologize. I will try and avoid another one of those for a while. I just need to come up with a plan to make more money, find more time in my day, and to get more therapy for the Kid. Also it wouldn't hurt to drop a few more pounds, discover a pain free alternative to Botox and to finally learn the difference between pastrami and smoked meat... long story. Ugh. Sad Tova is sad. Sorry, guys.
Comments
Post a Comment