Operation Tubetop

After my day of crying and Greek widowing, I feel a lot better. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we have just gotten the most fantabulous apartment. I can direct all my negative energy into putting chandeliers EVERYWHERE!!! I have been a little concerned that the Husband has been just a little too easy going about the bazillion e-mails I have sent him the last couple of days starting with "I know this looks expensive but...". I had the feeling that maybe he was planning to order a hit on me and he has been lulling me into a false sense of security. So on Thursday night, I was all like "G, are you trying to have me killed, because you are acting way too nice about everything?" and he put down his fork and took my hand and said "I wouldn't have you killed. I need your salary to help pay the rent." Gah. So youse saying your wife wants a chandelier in the bathroom. Yeah, I'd put a cap in that. This morning I am taking an early mor...

What a week of emotions. I don't know about you guys but I could use a big drink. LIKE HUGE! Here is kind of the run down of what has been happening. Sunday : The Husband called the agent and said we'd take the apartment after I took my foot off his neck. Monday : The Kid was home sick with me so I spent the day pinning interior decorating ideas. Tuesday : A meeting at the Daycare to tell us that they are kicking us out at the end of May. Awesome. Then having the nerve to tell us that moving was probably not a good idea because it would upset him. Oh wait, I am sorry, kicking him out of the daycare he has attended for two years is ok but moving to an apartment with more space, light and right on a park is a big mistake? Yeah, ok. And the worst part is that this was coming from the Kate Gosselin clone who has been my secret nemesis these past two years. Gah! She drives me mental with her highlights and angular haircuts and perfect dresses and two angelic girls and blah bla...

Well hey hey! Happy Monday. I am home today because the Kid was hacking up a lung this morning. He has been fine for most of the morning since his fit which is great because we can ship him off to the Daycare tomorrow. Tomorrow morning we have a parent teacher talk and I am not looking forward to that. But right now, my thoughts are a million miles away because.... I think we've found our dream apartment. I won't go into too many details because of bad ju-ju but I will say that the place is perfect. The last week or so I have been in a bit of an apartment search frenzy. Nothing really set it off but I got the itch to move and it just wasn't being scratched. I sent my mother a few links and she liked them all but wasn't "wowed" by them. She's a real estate agent and knows her stuff. I wrote one place and they called me on Thursday and I told them to call the Husband (who at that point did not know I had written an e-mail. Rut roh). He arranged for us to s...

It's the day of the ball! It is early Saturday morning and in a little while I will be meeting a friend for our now traditional early Saturday morning walk. The Kid woke up way too early so I changed his diaper and tossed him into bed with the Husband. They are going to need their sleep because, wait for it, we are looking at an apartment today!!!! This is by far the creepiest real estate stock photo I can find. You are welcome. I won't go into details but I am pretty freaking excited that we are actually going to see a real live apartment. A place with two real bedrooms! Woot! As I have mentioned countless times, I am getting a little done with the current place we live in - I hate whispering every night and sitting in the dark or unable to have friends over past the Kid's bedtime. When he was a baby it was not a problem because he slept through my ear-piercing-the-Nanny-like voice... now, not so much. So we will see how this visit goes. Fingers crossed that the Hus...

Well, I was going to self tan this morning but Roseanne was on and I was on a sewing streak. My dress is more than half way done and I think it is going to look fa.bu.lous. Well, in a darkened room and with the help of wine. Tonight I have to hand sew the trim onto the slit and to the neckline which I am converting from round neck to v-neck. But that is the story of the dress so far. Let's talk about getting ready for the event. This will be my fifth time going to the ball in the Hofburg Palace. My life, it is so hard. They only have Veuve... not Moet. My life, it sucks. I have so far made 2 out of 4 dresses (this will be the third one out of 5) and I have been fortunate enough that they all survived each night. No wardrobe malfunction for me thankyouverymuch. I write that with some disappointment. Anyway, getting ready for a ball is a little bit like getting ready for the Oscars but nobody cares who you are or you don't win anything besides maybe herpes if you ma...

Ah! Thursday! I heart Thursdays. It's like the pre-weekend and I feel much more at ease by this day. Today I have to start work at noon so I will have a couple of hours on my own at home. While it would be awesome to lounge around and watch Murder She Wrote , I have to unfortunately work on my ball dress, and, o.k, watch Murder She Wrote . I am currently skipping the gym so I can take care of my grey roots and get some exfoliating done (ball prep). Once the Kid wakes up, I will get him dressed, feed him a banana and take him to daycare. Then I have to run to the store and buy stuff for some crockpot curry (holla!) and then to the post office to pick up my ginormous H & M order that may or may not include two fake fur coats. The sales were amahzing and I've been watching too much of The Rachel Zoe Project. Once I get home, I will throw the food into the crockpot and sew, sew, sew. Cinderelly. While I do that, I will be self-tanning and stabbing myself intermittently with a...

I failed. Totally failed. I did really well on Monday and all of Tuesday day but then BOOM! had a beer and then made myself some Thai soup. Siiiigh. At least I didn't go nuts and order a pizza. Win? I know that I can do a cleanse but with my current crazy schedule and stupid biological need for solids, it ain't going to happen for a while. So, to compromise, my days will be smoothies and dinners will be solids, healthy solids. Aaaand, I am saying buh bye to cheese and bread for a week or two (I reserve the right to eat cheese and bread on the day after the ball, just that day, if need be). Did I fail? Yes, miserably. But am I upset? Not really. I was kind of a raving lunatic the last day and a half and I just can't lose my mind until I have more vacation days lined up. Fruit sugars and an empty stomach turns me into Joan Crawford on mother's day. So, there it is, a 1.5 day cleanse. yaaay. Moving on... the Husband and I are currently in an ongoing argument. See, the ...

It's that time again! Last month I gave away a pair of earrings and this month I am giving away a bracelet. Here it is: Ooh aah. I personally lurve it! So, to qualify, the steps are simple and a little bit different from last time. I will ask a question and you have to answer it. When you know the answer, send a private message to the Facebook Operation Tubetop private message thingie with your answer and I will enter your name in the raffle. DON'T POST THE ANSWER on the page! This is about cut throat competition! BE IN IT TO WIN IT! I will send the bracelet to anywhere in the world so anybody can apply. Share this on your Facebook page so that your friends can participate and you can win my utmost respect... Plus, if you partcipate and share this page sometime in the future (just let me know), your name will still be held for a grand finale prize at the end of the year! IT WILL BE EPIC! And squeal worthy! SQUEAL!! And so, here is my question.... What did the Husband...

So here I am, at the start of my 5 day smoothie cleanse. Am I ready? Not really? Am I looking forward to it? Not really. Will I make it? I sure as hell hope so. In the morning I made a smoothie and smugly did not have a bite of the Kid's chocolate cake. The Kid was overwhelmed with the opportunity to eat cake in his crib in the morning. His sheets look like the stuff of nightmares or college. The Husband and I took him to the daycare this morning and I was pleasantly surprised he didn't kick and scream going in. He cried and waved sadly and said "Buh bye Mommy" and again it broke my heart. The Husband and I walked to the U-bahn station and he patiently listened to me reminisce about the Kid's birth. And then I cried, and then I said "Ooh! Look at those shoes!" and plastered myself against a shop window. Priorities, I haz them. So far today I am subsisting on smoothies and coffee and I am going to be veddy veddy bouncy by the end of the day. I did hit t...

Oh boy oh boy was yesterday awesome or what?! Oh boy oh boy, I am still exhausted! Saturday morning until the afternoon was a whirlwind of getting crap done; cooking, cleaning, decorating and trying not to yell at the Kid for climbing onto the dining room table (that was a new move. I had to employ a spray bottle). Good times. I might have been a little snappy and a little stressed. Sowwy, family. I was also a little noivous that the Kid would have a meltdown in an apartment of people there to celebrate his birth. Messiah complex. At three, the guests started arriving and the Kid did not have a meltdown and I cracked open the wine in relief. Food was consumed, drinks imbibed and it was a lot of fun. I was super proud of the Kid for not half-Nelsoning the guests. The last guests left around 6:30. Total success! After cleaning up a little bit and putting a suddenly cranky toddler to bed, the Husband and I fell asleep just before 9. I slept the sleep of non-moms; 9 hours straight and ...

Saturday morning. All is quiet. I am drinking my cup of joe and getting ready to go and meet my friend for our early morning Saturday walk. I am slightly twitchy because I know that I have so much to still do for the party this afternoon. We have to clean and put away crap and decorate and on and on and on. Last night I did some food prep, made an onion pie and made the cake... A "4-tiered" cake. We'll get to that later. I stayed up way later than I had planned to last night but at least I abstained from the wine. At one point I had sprinkles sticking to my socks and I started making up lyrics to a Paul Simon song. She's Got Sprinkles on the Soles of her Socks . I don't know if it was the exhaustion or too much cake batter but I thought I was brilliant... Sigh... So anyway, today is the day of the party and as always, I have lists and timetables that keep me focused and on track. Here is a not-so detailed plan of the next few hours. The original version is wr...

Well, Valentine's Day was more like Normal Day in the life of our family. The Husband brought the Kid to the Daycare, I went to work, then left work and met the Husband and Kid at the u-bahn station at 4:30 and we made our way to another appointment with the Therapist. Last session, two weeks ago, was kind of a clusterfuck and we walked away a little defeated. When we entered the room, the Kid was at ease and immediately ran to the large doll house in the corner that had previously held some toy cars. She had removed them, he wasn't too impressed. I was super impressed that he remembered that. She told us that for this session, she would just let him play and I thought that was a "novel" idea. She tried to interact with him but he actively ignored her until she brought out the pretzels. I asked him for one and he gave me one. Then I told him to give one to Daddy and he did. And since he was on a roll, I asked him to give one to the therapist. He shrugged, went over ...

You might be surprised but I like to do a lot of things in a short period of time. I often push myself to the extreme and then get sick and vow to take things easy. Then I forget about my vow and throw myself into another crazy project and get sick again. I truly thought that January was going to be madness because of the integration, and I was right, but February seems to be even more nutso. Every weekend we have something planned and this Saturday is the Kid's third bday partay. I decided on a Mardi Gras theme because I like Mardi Gras and dream of going to New Orleans one day and the Kid only cares if there is cake. Oh, there will be cake. I figure next year he will have an executive producer role in this pary planning business but for now, gris gris, bitches. I wanted to create a Mardi Gras feeling in the apartment and I looked into recreating wrought iron balconies out of papier mache but with stuff like a day job getting in the way, alas, it was not meant to be. I will be p...

Last class on dressing your figure! Today we are talking about dressing your figure if you have an apple shape. To find out if you are apple shaped, do the following: Grab a piece of paper and a pencil and a measuring tape. Measure around your ta tas, waist and hips. Write out your measurements and then measure lines on the piece of paper (if your ta tas meausre 95 cm around, draw a 9.5 cm long line). If your lines look like this: Ta tas:       _______________________ Waist:            ___________________ Hips:               __________________ Congrats! You are apple-shaped. To sum up, your shoulders/upper body should be the widest and your legs are slim; i.e. top heavy. Your waist is not as defined as an hourglass or pear shaped figure. Celebrities who are apple-shaped: Angelina Jolie, Jessica Simpson, Catherine Zeta Jones and Liz Hurley What you should wear if you have an ap...

I had a nice birthday and was touched by all the birthday wishes, thank you! So then, I decided to further spoil myself and do a little shopping after work. I am not always in the mood to shop (shocking) but when the mood does hit, watch out, I will Oprah myself - a pair for me, a pair for me. I went to one of my favourite cheapy stores and within 20 minutes had bought 3 pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of earrings and one statement necklace... all for 80 euros! Jackpot. I love a sale! And so, here are my purchases (I took the pictures last night and after a couple of cocktails, I was no Terry Richardson or maybe I was... Boom!) So, the first pair are sensible (boo) but will go with everything.. Like a Burberry trenchcoat. But those coats are expensive. These boots were not. Practical boots, sigh. Then these are also practical and I am a sucker for a wedge shoe. Less chance of face-planting on cobblestones. And these stole my heart. Faux-suede but so awesome. Heart heart. I ...

Wow! Another year older. At 33 I thought I would be having cocktail parties and discussing Descartes and playing golf. Instead I have awesome 70's themed parties while discussing all things Kardashian and playing "choo-choo". I really can't complain... As much as the past year has been an aneurysm waiting to happen, there have been a lot of amazing things, too. I am blessed with so many great friends, a supportive family, a wonderful husband, a good job, decent legs and a son that I love to the moon and back. Not bad. Not bad at all. Today I am at work and that is fine by me. Saturday was really my big hurrah so I don't need anything big today. Well, fireworks would be nice. Did you feel that? The Husband just twitched. Yesterday I headed to my favourite hole in the wall fabric store and picked up some gold embroidery. I had thought my dress had arrived but no, the universe wants me to go a little mental but actually, I do my best work under pressure, if the dre...

Just a little reminder about the Pinterest challenge! You have until February 28th to finish :) Once you have completed your craft, e-mail me at tmspatz@gmail.com with your entry and I will feature it on the blog! My Pinterest-like craft will be changing up a simple long black H&M jersey dress into a ball gown by February 22nd (ha. ha. I am totally over my head with this). Some curtains, a few throw pillows and this will be a superb ball gown This afternoon I will be heading out to buy some embroidery (black and gold) and see where I can add it. The dress is at the post office which I will pick up tomorrow morning. I think this might be an epic win or an epic disaster but as you should know by now, I like a challenge... as panic-inducing as they often are. So, please join me in this challenge! Find a pin you have pinned and get your craft on! Godspeed!

Woot! Monday! Woot! What a weekend. The party was amahzing! Over 30 friends showed up and I was so incredibly touched! There was drinking and a buffet of fries, mozarella sticks and wedges and I was like an overstimulated toddler so I didn't even get a chance to get my fried food on. I got so many incredible gifts- thank you guys!!! And danced the end of the evening away. I needed that night out desperately and I feel like all the angst and stress was temporarily relieved. Thank you again, everybody! You made this chubby Jew very happy. Today we are heading back to our old daycare - I could say defeated, but we aren't. Maybe just maybe, these 4 weeks have been a much needed break for them and the Kid and maybe just maybe, he will be happy to be back to the old grind. And knowing my son, he likes routine. Me too, Kid, me too. The Husband and I will both take him there this morning and I know our hearts will break a little bit as we launch him over the baby-gate but we know w...

Today's the day of the party! I haven't had a chance to really get excited about it yet but hopefully sometime between shaving my legs and putting in hair curlers, I will get the partay fever. I will get to the venue early so that I can set up a little and a friend is meeting me there to help. She made cupcakes for my party and I am so excited!! Pink champagne cupcakes! I heart I heart! The party is at an Irish bar in the 3rd district and I was able to book the whole downstairs. And, because I get twitchy if I can't host a little, I ordered some platters of fries, wedges and mozarella sticks. Please someone remind me to take a picture of this because I want to show the world what 100 euros worth of fried food looks like. Dream big, Tova, dream big. My friend's husband has made a playlist and I am looking forward to getting my crazy uncle wedding dancing on - you know, the combination of jazz hands and ass slapping (self ass slapping). I think there will be over 3...

Well, what a week! I feel like I am on repeat with the nutsness that is my life. At least it is making for amazing book material. I don't like drama. I don't seek it but boy does it find me. I don't know what it is but I always seem to attract the oddities. So, universe, give me a little break here. I want to have a few months of normalness. I don't need whacko child rearing ideas. I don't need to have my heart racing all day everyday and it would be nice to actually have the time to do stuff like, I don't know, crafts. I like to be busy, but on my own terms. I have to say that even though the past 4 weeks have been crazy crazy, the Husband and I have really seen ourselves change and grow. We have done things we didn't think we would be capable of doing and we did it together, well separately, but together in spirit. The Kid took public transportation ohne stroller without SWAT teams showing up. I discovered patience that I did not know I had. I cooked ...

Today was the big day, the big show. But, yesterday was an emotional day. The Husband texted me at work to tell me that the daycare recommended another two weeks of integration. I was frustrated but thought "well, okay." but then, later on, it came to light that even after the two additional weeks of integration (also known as trying to trick the Kid into entering a classroom) they could still refuse to accept him. This punched me in the gut and I spent the rest of the afternoon in a tailspin. Then there was another thing the Husband told me but I will save that for another time (or share it on my Facebook page because I am an open book). Tomorrow morning I am having a meeting with the woman at the daycare to discuss what will happen next and sadly I think we will have to pull the plug and go back to our old daycare. Times like this make me wish I had a million euros and I could start my own daycare. Population: 1, my kid. But that is not the case so I continue on with a heav...