What is Love and a Lovely Story 40 Years in the Making
Being 35.. Internally I am going: OMG! HOW AM I 35 ALREADY?!?!?! WHAT!?!?!... I know that I have done a lot in my life. I have had incredible life experiences: celebrated Y2K at Red Square, been in a subway bombing, was kidnapped, have been on TV and in newspapers, have traveled the world and lived around the world, climbed alpine hills (against my will), met royalty and presidents, and have danced in palaces. Swam in many seas and took boat trips along many of them. I have been on private jets, in personal villas and even the object of a millionaire's affection (I used to be pretty). And yet, I still can't figure out a basic life fact... what is love? The last little while I have spent some time wondering what this basic term is. Scientific-minded people say it is just a chemical reaction. Others say it runs the world.
But what is it about love that makes us go from level headed adults into swooning Twilight-watching teenagers. A lot of us were brought up on 80's classics like Pretty in Pink, Say Anything and Mystic Pizza. Back in Vienna we had an English language channel called Turner Classics and I watched every Hepburn film I could. I was obsessed with romance as early as 12. Then, in my case, my later teenage years were filled with films like the Luhrman adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, or later his Moulin Rouge. Those love at first sight Hollywood moments that were so perfect you wanted to cry. I did cry.. oh how I cried. I still cry. I spent hours in my room dreaming of my own perfect lightning bolt moment and sure, I fell in love and out of love but it was never Hollywood magic: no swell of the music, doves flying into the air, suddenly standing in front of a sunset on a beach. I think that happens to so few people...or if at all? Are we programmed to believe that our lives are pre-destined with romance and excitement? Those first few months of falling in love are the sweetest no doubt... the butterflies and the racing heart. The absolute need to see that person all the time at any hour of the day. I was brought up being told "Never chase a man, let them chase you." and I always say to my guy buddies, you have to be gaga because if you aren't gaga at the beginning you ain't ever going to be gaga. Like a shrill Jewish Confucius I am. To paraphrase an awful film: A guy will do anything to see you if he is into you. This is from the awful film He's Just Not That Into You. I hate this film very very much but it had some valid points.
What is funny about women and men is how they approach the dating game. If a guy doesn't call a girl after a date, she will spend hours dissecting every little thing she said and usually puts the blame on herself. Men, well, they just assume it's not them personally and there is something off with her. At least this is what I have observed in the past. Or has this changed? Because I haven't been on a date in over 15 years. For all I know, dating nowadays means you Instagram your meal together and forsake dick pics once you are steady. Yes? No? Why do we still believe in romance and all consuming passion even past our 20's? I blame films. Kind of. I was having a conversation the other week with a friend and he said that films like Say Anything really screwed up a woman's idea of romance. Like we expect a man to stand outside of our window with a boom box to declare their love. And yes, yes I do. Does it happen? Not really. Sure, proposals nowadays are over the top, an absolute testament to romantic movies. I was never proposed to (we eloped. Visa issues) so I don't know if people love these gestures or not. And maybe if someone did something over the top, maybe we would blame them for being showy. Ugh. It's a fine line, gentlemen. So I decided to go through my favourite movies from the past and see how they set me up to have ridiculous expectations of love and romance. As well as what cynical me believes would happen after the movie ended.
When Harry Met Sally: Having a love/hate relationship with constant witty banter and sexual tension only to end with him running through the streets of New York to find you on New Year's Eve to declare his love after he has the light bulb moment that you are the ONE! And actually loves all her little quirks. Reality? In three years he will want to stab himself in the eye every time she orders a salad.
As Good as it Gets: Ah! Being a waitress and having a millionaire fall in love with you and pay your child's medical bills. Ok, sure, he just wanted you to come back to work. But then he realizes you are beautiful and perfect and awkwardly asks you out where you share a perfect kiss in the middle of the night. Reality? His mental health issues will be all consuming and you will always feel like he "saved" you which will most likely lead to resentment at the lack of balance in the relationship.
French Kiss: Spurned you goes to Paris to re-claim your love, only to spend time with what seems to be a poor and crude French man. Turns out he wants to start a vineyard and then you fall in love with this reformed thief. Reality? You end up working 16 hour days on your farm and your partner develops a drinking problem.
Bram Stoker's Dracula: Expecting a man who is undead to imprison your current beau so that he can buy London real estate and then woo you by turning your tears into diamonds. Reality? Ok, in the film Dracula dies. But let's just say he "turns" you and you end up together and you move into the castle and by year 5 you want to stab yourself in the eye every time he talks about the good old days.
Only You: You spend your whole childhood believing a fortune teller that your soul mate has a certain name. You even postpone your wedding and fly off to Italy to find this supposed soul mate. Instead you meet an adorable albeit stalky Robert Downey Jr. (Just my type). Reality? You realize that your new boyfriend has been stalking you for years and you end up having to break up because he is too creepy. And has a foot fetish.
The Thomas Crown Affair: You are a smart and independent woman. You meet a millionaire who is smitten with you and your awesome hair. He sweeps you off your feet and you desperately and madly in love. Reality? He keeps stealing your shit.
I do believe in love... but no longer in the Hollywood love. I think companionship replaces the excitement and that is why people still long for passion and romance. Oh how they long for that. Why all this cynicism from someone like me who is usually a constant optimist? The Interwebs and recent stories from friends. And good old melancholy. Just the other day I saw a crap story about a Tinder date gone wrong and it really affected me.
There is an article going around about this woman's Tinder date. You can read about it here or I can sum it up for you: Beautiful and curvy woman goes on great date. Next day the single dad writes her an e-mail, declaring her PERFECT besides the fact that he is not ok with her size. What?! Is this how it is in 2016? I mean? SHE IS GORGEOUS! I might as well go buy myself a gingerbread house in the woods and sign up to Netflix if this is how it is! And I would not have believed this story had a friend of mine not received some screwed up e-mails just recently. I won't go into detail but let me just say, what everloving what?! Is it the norm now to write "feedback" after dates? Have we gotten so used to writing on social media our thoughts... or writing restaurant reviews on Tripadvisor.. that some people feel the need to "rate" you? "Yeah, she was great and all... but she took forever ordering dessert and for that I am giving her 4 stars out of 5."
Wow, this was a cynical post. Sorry about that! I have been working on this post off and on for the past couple of weeks. It is kind of a dis and dat all mixed into one. Follow the bouncing ball of my thought processes everybody! I think that after a while, you just get tired of taking care of everybody else. Of worrying about everybody else. And I care and I worry a lot. Sometimes I just wish I could be taken care of for once but I think everybody dreams of that. A moment of being swept off your feet and taken away from all of it. Welcome to adulthood, everybody! Population: all of you. But, I don't want to end this post on a sad note, so I have a very exciting link to post! A friend of mine has been on an incredible journey: reconnecting with her biological family. She was given up for adoption 29 years ago (honey, I can't give away your age) and this summer had an amazing reunion! The Daily Mail even wrote an article about it! I find this story to be absolutely inspiring and will touch so many people who have and will go through something similar. Thank you, Kristina for sharing you story. You can find the incredible link here. I am so inspired by her strength!! I totally cried. That is real love. I wish you all a fabulous day and I hope to be out of my funk soon! If not? There's always wine!
But what is it about love that makes us go from level headed adults into swooning Twilight-watching teenagers. A lot of us were brought up on 80's classics like Pretty in Pink, Say Anything and Mystic Pizza. Back in Vienna we had an English language channel called Turner Classics and I watched every Hepburn film I could. I was obsessed with romance as early as 12. Then, in my case, my later teenage years were filled with films like the Luhrman adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, or later his Moulin Rouge. Those love at first sight Hollywood moments that were so perfect you wanted to cry. I did cry.. oh how I cried. I still cry. I spent hours in my room dreaming of my own perfect lightning bolt moment and sure, I fell in love and out of love but it was never Hollywood magic: no swell of the music, doves flying into the air, suddenly standing in front of a sunset on a beach. I think that happens to so few people...or if at all? Are we programmed to believe that our lives are pre-destined with romance and excitement? Those first few months of falling in love are the sweetest no doubt... the butterflies and the racing heart. The absolute need to see that person all the time at any hour of the day. I was brought up being told "Never chase a man, let them chase you." and I always say to my guy buddies, you have to be gaga because if you aren't gaga at the beginning you ain't ever going to be gaga. Like a shrill Jewish Confucius I am. To paraphrase an awful film: A guy will do anything to see you if he is into you. This is from the awful film He's Just Not That Into You. I hate this film very very much but it had some valid points.
What is funny about women and men is how they approach the dating game. If a guy doesn't call a girl after a date, she will spend hours dissecting every little thing she said and usually puts the blame on herself. Men, well, they just assume it's not them personally and there is something off with her. At least this is what I have observed in the past. Or has this changed? Because I haven't been on a date in over 15 years. For all I know, dating nowadays means you Instagram your meal together and forsake dick pics once you are steady. Yes? No? Why do we still believe in romance and all consuming passion even past our 20's? I blame films. Kind of. I was having a conversation the other week with a friend and he said that films like Say Anything really screwed up a woman's idea of romance. Like we expect a man to stand outside of our window with a boom box to declare their love. And yes, yes I do. Does it happen? Not really. Sure, proposals nowadays are over the top, an absolute testament to romantic movies. I was never proposed to (we eloped. Visa issues) so I don't know if people love these gestures or not. And maybe if someone did something over the top, maybe we would blame them for being showy. Ugh. It's a fine line, gentlemen. So I decided to go through my favourite movies from the past and see how they set me up to have ridiculous expectations of love and romance. As well as what cynical me believes would happen after the movie ended.
When Harry Met Sally: Having a love/hate relationship with constant witty banter and sexual tension only to end with him running through the streets of New York to find you on New Year's Eve to declare his love after he has the light bulb moment that you are the ONE! And actually loves all her little quirks. Reality? In three years he will want to stab himself in the eye every time she orders a salad.
As Good as it Gets: Ah! Being a waitress and having a millionaire fall in love with you and pay your child's medical bills. Ok, sure, he just wanted you to come back to work. But then he realizes you are beautiful and perfect and awkwardly asks you out where you share a perfect kiss in the middle of the night. Reality? His mental health issues will be all consuming and you will always feel like he "saved" you which will most likely lead to resentment at the lack of balance in the relationship.
French Kiss: Spurned you goes to Paris to re-claim your love, only to spend time with what seems to be a poor and crude French man. Turns out he wants to start a vineyard and then you fall in love with this reformed thief. Reality? You end up working 16 hour days on your farm and your partner develops a drinking problem.
Bram Stoker's Dracula: Expecting a man who is undead to imprison your current beau so that he can buy London real estate and then woo you by turning your tears into diamonds. Reality? Ok, in the film Dracula dies. But let's just say he "turns" you and you end up together and you move into the castle and by year 5 you want to stab yourself in the eye every time he talks about the good old days.
Only You: You spend your whole childhood believing a fortune teller that your soul mate has a certain name. You even postpone your wedding and fly off to Italy to find this supposed soul mate. Instead you meet an adorable albeit stalky Robert Downey Jr. (Just my type). Reality? You realize that your new boyfriend has been stalking you for years and you end up having to break up because he is too creepy. And has a foot fetish.
The Thomas Crown Affair: You are a smart and independent woman. You meet a millionaire who is smitten with you and your awesome hair. He sweeps you off your feet and you desperately and madly in love. Reality? He keeps stealing your shit.
There is an article going around about this woman's Tinder date. You can read about it here or I can sum it up for you: Beautiful and curvy woman goes on great date. Next day the single dad writes her an e-mail, declaring her PERFECT besides the fact that he is not ok with her size. What?! Is this how it is in 2016? I mean? SHE IS GORGEOUS! I might as well go buy myself a gingerbread house in the woods and sign up to Netflix if this is how it is! And I would not have believed this story had a friend of mine not received some screwed up e-mails just recently. I won't go into detail but let me just say, what everloving what?! Is it the norm now to write "feedback" after dates? Have we gotten so used to writing on social media our thoughts... or writing restaurant reviews on Tripadvisor.. that some people feel the need to "rate" you? "Yeah, she was great and all... but she took forever ordering dessert and for that I am giving her 4 stars out of 5."
Wow, this was a cynical post. Sorry about that! I have been working on this post off and on for the past couple of weeks. It is kind of a dis and dat all mixed into one. Follow the bouncing ball of my thought processes everybody! I think that after a while, you just get tired of taking care of everybody else. Of worrying about everybody else. And I care and I worry a lot. Sometimes I just wish I could be taken care of for once but I think everybody dreams of that. A moment of being swept off your feet and taken away from all of it. Welcome to adulthood, everybody! Population: all of you. But, I don't want to end this post on a sad note, so I have a very exciting link to post! A friend of mine has been on an incredible journey: reconnecting with her biological family. She was given up for adoption 29 years ago (honey, I can't give away your age) and this summer had an amazing reunion! The Daily Mail even wrote an article about it! I find this story to be absolutely inspiring and will touch so many people who have and will go through something similar. Thank you, Kristina for sharing you story. You can find the incredible link here. I am so inspired by her strength!! I totally cried. That is real love. I wish you all a fabulous day and I hope to be out of my funk soon! If not? There's always wine!
Oh need to catch up - so behind on so many blog posts...but ended up on this one first. Very interesting - want to say lots on 'love' but will have to save that for another time as now currently weeping buckets about the sweet story you shared at the end! (In a happy tears kinda way!) xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura! It is such a lovely story and honoured to know the woman. Such an incredible journey!
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