How to be a Good Husband
The other week I wrote about being a good wife in my world. Today I thought I would write about being a good husband in my world. No marriage is perfect and if it is I say LIES LIES LIES! I jest. Kind of. I guess I can be kind of obnoxious posting about how wonderful the Husband is... blah blah blah. I think he's great most of the time and then there are times that I want to scream. The great times are 98%, the bad times are 2%. I think those figures are good. I write how great he is so that I can use the power of positive thinking. Were I to just focus on the bad, more bad would come my way. That's my story and I am sticking to it.
Being a good husband is pretty much like being a good wife. For me, the important things are respect, compliments and showing love oh, and, presents!!! I will get to that later..
Compliments: Compliment the lady, gentlemen. She makes you a nice dinner, you thank her. She looks great on her way to work, tell her. She makes some stupid craft that involves almost burning the apartment down (Glue Gun Incident 2010), you say you are proud of the way she handled herself by not throwing the electric thing into the sink full of water. cough. cough. Compliments are important to anyone regardless of gender or political affiliation. People like to be praised. I love to be praised! So, gentlemen, if you don't already pay your wife a compliment at least twice a day, get on that. We will be so much more appreciative and who knows, might even shave our legs even though it is tights season and I really don't see the need to lose that extra warmth that my hairy knees provide... and while I'm at it.... never mind.
Be Helpful: I cook dinner, the Husband cleans the kitchen. I get the Kid up in the morning and get him dressed, the Husband is the bath master. I cook about 4-5 times a week and the other nights the Husband gets take out. It wasn't always this way but after 12 years of being together, we have gotten into a routine. It makes a difference for me to know that the Husband helps out. And it sometimes irks me that I can't constantly complain and say "I do EVERYTHING AROUND here" cause that ain't true. #martyrforlife.
Don't Compare: It kind of ties into the above paragraph. When I stayed at home for the first 11 months, I became stay at home mom extraordinaire. Dinner was on the table every night, kid was washed, place was clean, I wore a bra. Laundry was always done and the place was dust free and organized. And I was so very very tired. I would kvetch and say to the Husband between sobs "You don't know how hard it is!!!". Then it was his turn to stay at home for 2 months when I started working. He had the time of his life! The place was a disaster but the Kid was happy as can be. The Husband could not understand why I had complained. Staying at home didn't seem that hard at all. Of course it didn't when there is a completely self sustainable swamp in the bathtub and the Kid is wearing the same onesie 3 days in a row. Women put a lot of pressure on themselves and staying at home for us often means something very different. So don't compare.
Just listen sometimes: I don't want to hear your advice when I am complaining about the stupid woman at the grocery store. I just want you to listen and nod and say things like "ooh. That sounds rough." There is that Bill Cosby meme on the Interweb that sums it up pretty well "Women don't want to hear your advice, they want to hear what they just said in a deeper voice." So very true Bill, so very true. I'm ranting, not looking for ways to fix stuff. The nicest thing the Husband can do for me after a long day is to let me babble for 20 minutes without interrupting. One time we got into an argument when I was trying to tell a story about something stupid and he kept interjecting. I told him to stop and just listen and he was like "Isn't this conversation?" to which I replied "No!". That went down well.
I'm pretty blessed to have a husband who puts up with my shit. A little while ago we were having an argument and he exclaimed in frustration, "You drive me crazy!!!!". My bottom lip quivered and he saw his life flash before his eyes but then, softly, he said "But I love that about you. You make life exciting." And then I cried because that was one of the most honest moments in our marriage. Be honest with your wife but remember to put a good spin on it. In no way am I a offering marriage advice, just my own feelings about what I need from a husband. A lot of people assume that I am some whip-cracking harpy but I really am not one, for the most part. He's just as in charge as I am, for the most part, he's just more subtle. He has said "no" to me before and has lived to tell the tale. I respect that about him.
And before I forget, everybody pick up the book "The Five Love Languages". I heard about this book from a friend years ago and then finally read it over the summer. It is awesome relationship advice and I have learned a lot from it. I have learned that for me presents=love, ergo, I love giving presents as well as receiving them. That explains so much. Now go on, get out of here and compliment your loved one.
Being a good husband is pretty much like being a good wife. For me, the important things are respect, compliments and showing love oh, and, presents!!! I will get to that later..
Compliments: Compliment the lady, gentlemen. She makes you a nice dinner, you thank her. She looks great on her way to work, tell her. She makes some stupid craft that involves almost burning the apartment down (Glue Gun Incident 2010), you say you are proud of the way she handled herself by not throwing the electric thing into the sink full of water. cough. cough. Compliments are important to anyone regardless of gender or political affiliation. People like to be praised. I love to be praised! So, gentlemen, if you don't already pay your wife a compliment at least twice a day, get on that. We will be so much more appreciative and who knows, might even shave our legs even though it is tights season and I really don't see the need to lose that extra warmth that my hairy knees provide... and while I'm at it.... never mind.
Be Helpful: I cook dinner, the Husband cleans the kitchen. I get the Kid up in the morning and get him dressed, the Husband is the bath master. I cook about 4-5 times a week and the other nights the Husband gets take out. It wasn't always this way but after 12 years of being together, we have gotten into a routine. It makes a difference for me to know that the Husband helps out. And it sometimes irks me that I can't constantly complain and say "I do EVERYTHING AROUND here" cause that ain't true. #martyrforlife.
Don't Compare: It kind of ties into the above paragraph. When I stayed at home for the first 11 months, I became stay at home mom extraordinaire. Dinner was on the table every night, kid was washed, place was clean, I wore a bra. Laundry was always done and the place was dust free and organized. And I was so very very tired. I would kvetch and say to the Husband between sobs "You don't know how hard it is!!!". Then it was his turn to stay at home for 2 months when I started working. He had the time of his life! The place was a disaster but the Kid was happy as can be. The Husband could not understand why I had complained. Staying at home didn't seem that hard at all. Of course it didn't when there is a completely self sustainable swamp in the bathtub and the Kid is wearing the same onesie 3 days in a row. Women put a lot of pressure on themselves and staying at home for us often means something very different. So don't compare.
Just listen sometimes: I don't want to hear your advice when I am complaining about the stupid woman at the grocery store. I just want you to listen and nod and say things like "ooh. That sounds rough." There is that Bill Cosby meme on the Interweb that sums it up pretty well "Women don't want to hear your advice, they want to hear what they just said in a deeper voice." So very true Bill, so very true. I'm ranting, not looking for ways to fix stuff. The nicest thing the Husband can do for me after a long day is to let me babble for 20 minutes without interrupting. One time we got into an argument when I was trying to tell a story about something stupid and he kept interjecting. I told him to stop and just listen and he was like "Isn't this conversation?" to which I replied "No!". That went down well.
I'm pretty blessed to have a husband who puts up with my shit. A little while ago we were having an argument and he exclaimed in frustration, "You drive me crazy!!!!". My bottom lip quivered and he saw his life flash before his eyes but then, softly, he said "But I love that about you. You make life exciting." And then I cried because that was one of the most honest moments in our marriage. Be honest with your wife but remember to put a good spin on it. In no way am I a offering marriage advice, just my own feelings about what I need from a husband. A lot of people assume that I am some whip-cracking harpy but I really am not one, for the most part. He's just as in charge as I am, for the most part, he's just more subtle. He has said "no" to me before and has lived to tell the tale. I respect that about him.
And before I forget, everybody pick up the book "The Five Love Languages". I heard about this book from a friend years ago and then finally read it over the summer. It is awesome relationship advice and I have learned a lot from it. I have learned that for me presents=love, ergo, I love giving presents as well as receiving them. That explains so much. Now go on, get out of here and compliment your loved one.
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