You Know You Have Lived in Vienna for a Long Time When

I've been meaning to finish up this post for a while. On June 1st I celebrated my 10 year anniversary of living in Vienna as an adult. All together I have lived in this great city for 14 years but for 4 of those years I lived with the parental units so I was in a bubble of international schools and diplomatic immunity. I consider myself a bit of a veteran when it comes to Vienna and although sometimes I find myself wanting to go a little postal, I truly do love this city and everything it has to offer. So walk with me.

You know you have lived in Vienna for a long time when:

1) You have successfully been first to order bread at the bakery regardless of the mob surrounding you and the fact that you came after said mob.
I'm next! Dammit!
2) You don't even flinch when someone screams "ZWEITE KASSA" at the supermarket behind you. In fact, you were probably about to bellow it too and you definitely have already pushed past people in front of you who try to line up at the new cash.

3) It doesn't even bother you that much that shops are closed on Sundays. You drink instead.

4) You own a dirndl/lederhosen.

5) You bitch when the next Ubahn will take more than 4 minutes.

6) If you wear heels, cobblestones are no longer your kryptonite. Who's laughing now 1700's road?!? I own you!
Come at me, bro!

7) You haven't stepped in dog shit for years. But you have developed a humped back from constantly keeping an eye on the path in front of you.

8) Little old ladies don't fool you no more.
Fool me once
9) You say obnoxious things like "Just back from London/Paris/Berlin" or "Ugh, another night at the Opera" and don't realize how obnoxious you sound.

10) When a new restaurant opens serving greasy breakfasts/burgers/Asian food, the expat community collectively explodes. Critics pop up faster than you can say "Dry aged beef".

11) Rumours regarding places like The Gap or Victoria's Secret opening up become an expat's mission in life to prove true or false. True: The Gap just opened in the Donau Zentrum. Let's all go!!
Bitch, don't even tell me that Target might be heading here. Show me your sources.

12) When friends go back to North America for a visit, you plead for them to bring back food colouring and cough syrup for kids.
Liquid gold.
13) You know which pharmacy won't treat you like a raging drug addict when you just want to buy a pack of aspirin.

14) You probably live around the corner from somewhere Mozart/Beethoven/Schubert/Strauss lived and you could care less. Until visitors come. Then you be all like "And yes, Mozart composed blah blah blah" just around the corner. And you say it loftily because you are now obnoxious.
Yeah, Gorgeous. Whatever.

15) You are sick of schnitzel and yet, whenever you are forced to have it, you remember how damn good it is when done right. This is why you never ever go to Figlmuller... ever.

16) You no longer vomitus a lotus when you drink a lot of Austrian wine. Maybe it was the acidity? Or maybe it was your inner college student screaming "TWO EUROS FOR A BOTTLE OF WINE?!? DON'T MIND IF I DO!" Now you know better. Maybe. Maybe not.

17) You know never to drink heuriger wine without sparkling water. Unless you have a death wish. Why you have death wish? Is fantastic city with vineyards and cheap wine. Suck it up cupcake.

18) You hate how crowded the Christmas markets have become but you still go and inadvertently give yourself the diabetes from all the delicious overpriced punsch.

19) You now know what "schlag" means in various contexts.

20) You start to use terms that uncouth teenagers use: "Na geh!" "Oida!" and you don't care.

21) You have learned not to weep when you see how much is taken off your monthly pay cheque. Quality of life kind of balances it out.

22) You know the term "makler" and you have learned to fear it and hate it.

23) You know that when anyone says they don't like "Altbau" you know that they are lying.

24) You rarely travel to other districts unless you know someone in that district or if that district is awesome. Having to change the Ubahn more than once might just break a friendship.

25) You now know that dogs sit higher on the totem pole than children.

26) You are outraged and shocked if a restaurant has set seating times and asks you to leave after 2 hours. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T NURSE THIS GLASS OF WINE FOR 4 HOURS?! BARBARIANS!"

27) You get a little patriotic on behalf of Austria. Examples include: the guy that jumped out of a tin can from space, Conchita Wurst.
Damn straight, "Empress of Austria"
28) You no longer get hassled to buy concert tickets by the guys in white wigs and baroque coats. And you feel a little smug about that.
Yay! I blend!
29) You no longer fight the feeling that you have to move to another country. It's called acceptance. Or in some cases, resignation.

30) You no longer notice the staring that ticked you off immensely when you first moved here.

31) And finally, as jaded as you might be, there are times when you think it truly is one of the most spectacular cities in the world and adore your life here!




Comments

  1. This is absolutely brilliant. :-) CK

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG, it´s a good thing I lived most of my life here in Vienna, almost everything fits quite perfectly - except one (I´ve never be the first one to order something - mostly the last one), I hate people screaming "KASSA!" and I don´t own a dirndl. :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for the comments! I think I had to pee once and that is why I actually said "zweite kassa!" It opened the floodgates... Like chasing the dragon :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have to ask about the food colouring and cough syrup; they are totally available.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nice. Now, what about "you know you're knew in Vienna when": http://www.gregorykemp.com/what-austrians-do-wrong-an-americans-perspective.html or http://misterhausfrau.com/?p=403 :-)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Key Word Post

A Tova Movie Re-cap: Bram Stoker's Dracula

The Way Some People Find my Blog and a Challenge